That sometimes stiff upper lip is best policy?

[shakingstevensfan]

We are supposed to talk about how we are feeling. Sometimes this can help. But sometimes no one knows what to say and telling others just makes you feel worse.
Sometimes the best way to deal with tough times is just to adopt a stiff upper lip and plough on through as best you can. And sometimes when you pretend to be fine, it can make you feel a bit better.

Yes, because people often say what they think is helpful but really isn't.

When my Mum was ill she was in a cycle of ups and downs but each "up" would be a little less and each "down" a little more so we knew it was a matter of when, not if, the end came.

People kept saying things like "She's tough, she'll pull through" which I knew wasn't the case but you can't argue as they mean it with the best of intentions but it doesn't help.

@Mochudubh that is irritating. People used to say the same about my friend who died of cancer. She knew it was terminal, I knew it was terminal. And we both knew it would be relatively quick. But lots of people seemed in denial about it. Even at the funeral, I heard people saying they were surprised because they thought she would recover. No, she was given a life expectancy of less than a year.

I agree with you. I was in a terrible situation in life years ago when I simply had no other choice than to keep buggering on (dying parent, split with OH, losing house, being an agency worker with no sick/holiday pay and on and on..). Sometimes you just don't have the luxury of breaking down or constantly turning to others. The pressure was immense. I wouldn't say it was a good thing but it gives me a weird satisfaction knowing I got through it.

I agree with you OP.
My DM taught me to keep going no matter what and it has helped me during tough times when standing still to talk about my feelings and feeling sorry for myself just wasn’t an option because I did not have the time nor the energy.

My DM learned this when her father died and my DGM suddenly had to take care of a business and 5 children all by herself.

And my DGM had learned this when her DF (so my great grandfather) died somewhere in the 1930s and my great grandmother had to take care of 14 children and a farm all by herself. God knows how she managed that but she was famous for her stiff upperlip and the show must go on.

I do remember a counsellor saying to me 'thoughts don't change things; actions do'.

I was going round and round in circles talking about my problems but not doing anything (I'm an expert in procrastinating).

So yes you're right on occasion OP

Yes, sometimes it's best not to talk about things and other times you feel you need to. Feelings change all the time and no two days are the same.