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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can do a PhD with a baby?

43 replies

Psychgrad · 01/06/2021 17:52

Hi academic mums

I’m a mature student, just finished my masters in psychology and planning to apply for the clinical psychology doctorate this autumn, entrance would be Autumn 2022 if I was accepted.

However, my partner I have been talking about potentially trying for a baby from next summer onwards, we’re not in a rush but we’ve been together for a loooong time and we are both 33 so time is ticking away.

Would I be mad to think I can do a doctorate with a baby? I know I could wait until I finish it but sometimesit can take years for people to get accepted onto it so it’s very hard to plan around it. Once you get on it’s a series of placements and big dissertation for three years.

My partner isn’t exactly a high earner and although the doctorate is paid for, I can imagine money would still be tight (we live in London so when is money not tight?)

Also, we don’t have family in the UK so no free family babysitters which worries me childcare wise as the costs are pretty high, am I right?

Would love to hear from anyone in a similar situation to me. To be honest we could wait until we’re a bit older but I do worry about the risks in that!

AIBU to think I can do it all?

OP posts:
Helspopje · 01/06/2021 17:53

I had a baby in third year.
It was immensely tough and skewed the end of my project which should’ve been more productive.
Wouldn’t recommend.

Spiderplantsoutside · 01/06/2021 17:55

I don’t mean this to be cruel, but I’ve known people apply for 4/5 years in a row and no get onto clinical psychology doctorate. Do you have any clinics experience? If not I would be hesitant to assume you’d get on it.

So basically my advice would be don’t put your life on hold for this ! Get pregnant and then deal with what to do if you get on the course. (Maybe defer ?)

DeathStare · 01/06/2021 17:55

The clinical doctorate isn't the same as a phd. The stats for women completing a phd with a baby aren't great. I can't remember exactly what now but about 50/50 I think. I I agine it would be harder with a clinical doctorate. Given how hard they are to get onto I wouldn't risk it personally

electrongirl · 01/06/2021 17:55

I didn’t live in london but did mine when I had two small children - it possible. It’s dependent on how nice your academic supervisor is as well though. If they are understanding. Mine was science based and there was an expectation that you would be in the lab. Would be different for Arts / humanity stuff tho.

Montalbanosono · 01/06/2021 17:57

Hi. I started my Phd with a child and then became pregnant with twins. It was really, really hard! I did eventually finish but I ended up taking extended maternity leave as I was exhausted (one didn't sleep for the first 2 years!) We also didn't have any help and my dh was often working away. So yes, it is doable but it is so much easier not to. I don't think it is possible to do it all. Do you need to do a PhD now? Could be something you come back to?

electrongirl · 01/06/2021 17:58

My kids were 2 and 4 when I started mine. I had worked full time up to that point tho in a related field and had a supportive partner

DeathStare · 01/06/2021 17:58

Sorry I misread and thought you had been accepted. As @spiderplantsoutside said it takes most people several applications to get onto a clinical psycholodoctorate - more if you are tied geographically. Maybe plan to have a baby while you get experience and start applying when your baby reaches toddler age.

OnASwankyMarleyPond · 01/06/2021 17:59

I haven’t done a PhD but was thinking about doing a Master’s. Honestly, it’s so dependent on the baby. DCs 1 and 2 there would have been absolutely no way - although they both slept at night, they were very full on during the day and needed a lot of attention. DC3 is a super chilled baby, but even with him I feel knackered a lot of the time and really need an hour’s nap in the day to get me through.

I’m not saying it couldn’t be done, but it would put a LOT of strain on you.

RonObvious · 01/06/2021 18:01

I had two babies during my PhD, and it wasn't a problem at all. However, my research field is computational, and so I could be very flexible with my time. It's important to remember that everyone's PhD experience is very different - it's highly dependent on the level of support you get from your supervisors. It makes it very difficult to say whether babies are possible or not, as it really depends on the environment in which you are working.

MignonLA · 01/06/2021 18:05

I know someone who did a social sciences phd and found it excellent for small children so I clicked YANBU.

Then I saw it’s clinical psychology- it think that’s going to be really challenging.
Also as PP have said unless you had a significant amount of experience prior to your masters you are unlikely to get onto a programme straight away -it will likely take several years especially in London!

In your shoes I’d apply for assistant psychologist/ research assistant/well-being practitioner jobs and crack in with babies.

miltonj · 01/06/2021 18:07

Noooooo.

Not something I would do by choice. When you have a new baby it's a lovely time that you want to cherish but it's all consuming. Tiring beyond previous comprehension. Not only do I think it sounds impossible but I think it would spoil that precious time for me... knowing that there was deadlines and studying, writing and research. Babies don't really have a bedtime for the first 6 months or so which means no real evening for you and partner so no time then. Once they start in a routine, you still have to dedicate a lot of your evening to that routine especially if they're not one who likes to sleep (spoiler- most of them don't) Grin
Both having a baby and doing a doctorate are something I would want to dedicate my full attention to.

I have heard of others doing this kind of things, but they have nannies, full time nursery from a young age etc.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

MotherOfCrocodiles · 01/06/2021 18:40

Hm well I'm a phd supervisor (professor) in a similar field and had three kids while doing it. So I think it's possible during a phd - my job is about as hard for me (now, with my experience) as doing a phd (then, with less experience).

I think you would need to treat it like a job and get enough childcare to cover your working hours. Some universities have good childcare schemes and subsidised housing- do your sums and work out if you can afford it.

Basically I think if you can do it, you can do it with a kid, as long as you can afford it financially

Royalbloo · 01/06/2021 18:57

Currently at the end of my masters. Apply and if accepted start it - you can always pause it/ask for extensions but grab it now as you don't know what might happen. You have a choice to do this or not, right now. That's the only choice you have to make!

NannySEN · 01/06/2021 20:54

Yeah I do have experience., I know I might not get on straight away... but I also might, I may also not get pregnant straight away. I think the posters saying just apply and see and maybe I can defer the year if I need to which I probably will.

Keen to hear from the posters saying they had multiples while doing a doctorate, send tips please. I am the type of person who does a lot at once. I get bored quite easily and had two jobs plus volunteering all through my degree amd masters, so perhaps I do have the stamina. We will see. I may be on this in a few years complaining about my stressful life 😅

NannySEN · 01/06/2021 20:56

Sorry had to name change for another post

blackcurrantjam · 01/06/2021 21:12

My tutor had twins while doing clinical doctorate. I'm doing one started when 3rd baby was 1.5
It's a total juggle tbh and I'm skint.
But eyes on the prize. Very necessary for me to do it as am single mother
Might be possible to defer a year for mat leave? If so, very doable

blackcurrantjam · 01/06/2021 21:13

Fyi having a baby might knock the 'busy you' sideways. Get good childcare x

wendyoz · 01/06/2021 21:24

I wouldn't recommend it. I fell unexpectedly pregnant in the 2nd year of Clinical Psych PhD. It proved impossible to continue as we had no family nearby to help and my husband worked 14hr days. The only way to continue would have been to employ a prohibitively expensive nanny. That's not mentioning the disturbed sleep, brain fog etc.

moovinon · 01/06/2021 21:27

I didn't have time to brush my teeth after having my first baby, so I can't see how it would be possible.

However everyone else on here seems to be saying it's pretty doable, so don't listen to me 😂

Queenie6655 · 01/06/2021 21:30

I did a doctorate and two fab ladies in my class had babies in year two - they did amazing
Took time off etc

They had fab tutors and to be fair the whole tutor team were incredible

It is tough going and very competitive

Highly enjoyable in many ways

NannySEN · 01/06/2021 21:30

@blackcurrantjam I agree, i know it will be hard. I have worked as a nanny and it actually put me off having kids for a while but I’ve stopped nannying and think I’ve forgotten how hard it really is, and the thoughts of not handing baby back at 5 o clock, I’m actually going to have him/ her 24/7 🤣

@wendyoz what did you do in the second year? Did you defer or drop our?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/06/2021 21:34

Time and money make life easier- actively choosing to have limited amount of both during your first baby doesn’t sound much fun to me OP.

Roodicus21 · 01/06/2021 21:34

I did a doctorate when dc was 2. Has to commute to London and no family around either. Dh and I managed it and it was worth it! Given how competitive it is to get a place I wouldn't put off TTC. Both could happen next year or both could take years.

InTheDrunkTank · 01/06/2021 21:37

I think money might be an issue. PhD's have a habit of over running. Do you know if you'll need to travel to attend summer schools or conferences? Other than it probably depends on your field. I had my first in the final year of my PhD and it was fine but by then DH had graduated and was earning enough for us to get by so over running wasn't an issue. I also didn't need to travel the final year but did previous years. My PhD was actually incredibly flexible other than travel so I still think I could have made it work.

parietal · 01/06/2021 22:16

It can be done but it is not easy.

A pp was right in saying that you need to treat a clinical doctorate like a job. You work your hours, you take maternity leave, you get childcare etc.

It is not the same as a research PhD and should be more structured which might help.