Nearly 4 year old and 5 year old sons

[Chippingbird23]

Does it get easier? Gosh they are lovely boys and play so well a lot of the times but the slightest thing they fight and I literally have to jump in and separate them! I mean really For each other! I I tell them off of course and separate them, if they start in the garden I get them inside and tell them no play until they behave.

My 5 year is on asd spectrum but 4 year old screams so much when he gets a little upset about anything. It doesn’t matter how many time out and often I’ve sat down with him and looked him the in the eye and explained his behaviour it goes in one ear and out the other! My nearly 4 year old has been difficult lately wanting to be first at everything and demanding but nothing i think is out of the ordinary. Anyone with two boys similar age give experience if you’ve dealth with similar?

My younger two are 10 and 8 and if they are in the same room they are fighting. The youngest has asd

Fighters like an audience. That is part of why they are loud. I solved it in my house by walking away in a non obvious way-finding something I must do so in another room. They still fought sometimes but far less.

My two boys are 2 years apart, They are adults now but as children they very rarely physically fought. DS1 would get wound up about stuff and have tantrums but would rarely be physical with his brother. DS2 was very laid back and easy going (still is). Their best friends were two brothers also 2 years apart and I don't remember them physically fighting either.

I’ve a girl and a boy so no help with her sibling but I feel you with the nearly 4 year old! Agggghhhh! He’s gone from always being headstrong but polite into this demanding little dictator over the last few weeks. It’s a tough age!!

I have 5yo twin boys. They wrestle at almost any opportunity and constantly complain about the other hitting or kicking or whatever else. When they’re really cross with each other they go head to head and practically growl or snarl, which is my cue to step in as things are really about to escalate.

Yet, they walk into school together, holding hands, every morning. Sometimes I think they would get along so much better if they had more time apart, but they’re usually desperate to be together. 🤷‍♀️

10 & 11 year old boys here. It hasn't really stopped. They do have good times though. But the punching! It's all in when it's on.

@ColaOlaLa

It’s gonna sound stereotypical but honestly my girls never fights, it’s always the boys winding each other up or winding the girls up, sometimes I hate having boys so close in age as I think if there was more of a gap they would fight less.

Honestly that is stereotyping. It's just about personalities, not their genitals, unless you raise them with stereotypes. There are no hormones etc at play when they're little so any difference you see between the sexes us something projected from the people in their lives.

Mine are very close in age. Recently they have been squabbling all the time and I'm SO sick of it. But then I hear them playing and giggling together and remember it is worth the hassle.

FWIW my son is the older one but far more sensitive and my girl is a whirlwind but often picks on him to it's her I have to rein in. It's not a brother thing specifically, it's just children testing boundaries and relationships. Being the referee is SHIT. But not forever (I hope) and they get so much out of having a sibling.

Honestly that is stereotyping. It's just about personalities, not their genitals, unless you raise them with stereotypes. There are no hormones etc at play when they're little so any difference you see between the sexes us something projected from the people in their lives.*

This. Not to mention people tend to tolerate their little boys fighting where they stop their little girls at a very young age. I don't tolerate it in either my boy or my girl, so they don't fight. They squabble and bicker but they have voices to argue with so they don't need to punch each other and know it's not going to be accepted in our home (or society generally).

I have 5yo twin boys. They wrestle at almost any opportunity and constantly complain about the other hitting or kicking or whatever else.

I don't really understand why your 5 year olds are allowed to kick and hit each other. Or if they are not, why they keep breaking your rules? Have you thought about changing your sanctions etc as whatever you are doing now isn't working.

On of my mum friends tolerates far too much hitting and pushing and shoving from her 4 year old son. As a result my son is shifting away from wanting to play with him (and I am quietly encouraging other friends) because he keeps hitting and pushing him in the course of play. I don't know why people think it's ok to let children be so rough. These are the kids who push others around in the playground, and its totally unnecessary.

I don't really buy into gender stereotypes, I have a 4yr old boy and a 5yr old girl and I can honestly say they have never had a physical fight. The odd whack during a row maybe but they've always been disciplined for that and it rarely happens now.

MagentaDragon I’m only speaking about MY experience I never said it was the case for all girls hence why I said it will sound stereotypical, saying my girls never fight but they don’t, they don’t fight each other or their brothers whereas my two boys are at each other all day mine don’t play and giggle and have a strong bond they can’t stand the sight of each other and are the complete opposite. I don’t think that all boys fight and all girls don’t just merely pointing out that my experience has been that it’s only the boys who fight and it’s not their ages as there is only a year between my 2 oldest (boy and girl)

My nearest brother was regularly walloped by his 2 year older brother throughout his life. Just what boys do. Fighting is normal when they're so close in age. Nothing to see here.

Guess what that nearest brother did to me when I reached 4 and he was 14, only stopping when he was 23 and chucked out for attempting to batter the living daylights out of me aged 13?

Mine are slightly over and don't fight.
I don't know why - they are into different stuff and we are careful that they get the same stuff (eg scooters etc)

I meant have different interests (drawing or football)

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

You are commenting on a post from someone with 2 boys, asking for experiences from other people with 2 boys. You don't have 2 boys so in the gentlest way, you don't know what you are talking about.

What you are doing by making suggestion and doing a "head tilty" "I just don't understand why you don't parent better" type comments is exactly like when people smugly decide what excellent parents they will be before they actually have a child.

I have 2 boys. They fight constantly but love each other and, interestingly, don't fight at school with other children. Yes, boys are like that with their brothers. It's normal, and it passes.

No doubt other mothers of one boy and one girl, or 2 girls, or one boy or whatever combination that doesn't include 2 or more boys will be here pronto banging on about gender stereotypes and how awful it is that we "allow" our sons to be like this etc etc and how there's absolutely no difference between boys and girls but that is, I'm afraid, absolute bullshit as the vast majority of those of us with sons (plural) can attest.

Its always a bad idea to speak sagely about things you have no experience of.

Id let them get on with it. Unless in danger.
You can talkabout values and instill them alomgside this natural behevoiur.
Yr nerves will be in tatters if you are constantly jumping in , plus they need to learn as they grow too.
My dc were similar. I was exhausted. I felt mistable at times. It was like being a parent of only children as i was trying to entertian each .
They are now in 20s and incredibly close and it a lovely thing to see

[quote Changednamesorry]@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

You are commenting on a post from someone with 2 boys, asking for experiences from other people with 2 boys. You don't have 2 boys so in the gentlest way, you don't know what you are talking about.

What you are doing by making suggestion and doing a "head tilty" "I just don't understand why you don't parent better" type comments is exactly like when people smugly decide what excellent parents they will be before they actually have a child.

I have 2 boys. They fight constantly but love each other and, interestingly, don't fight at school with other children. Yes, boys are like that with their brothers. It's normal, and it passes.

No doubt other mothers of one boy and one girl, or 2 girls, or one boy or whatever combination that doesn't include 2 or more boys will be here pronto banging on about gender stereotypes and how awful it is that we "allow" our sons to be like this etc etc and how there's absolutely no difference between boys and girls but that is, I'm afraid, absolute bullshit as the vast majority of those of us with sons (plural) can attest.

Its always a bad idea to speak sagely about things you have no experience of.[/quote]
This.

I would add to my earlier post that though they fought constantly it was never in anger or aggression, more like puppies play fighting. I only stepped in when I sensed one had had enough.
Neither boy ever fought outside the home in fact one was badly bullied by a girl when he was 10 and refused to retaliate because I had taught him not to hit back.

No doubt other mothers of one boy and one girl, or 2 girls, or one boy or whatever combination that doesn't include 2 or more boys will be here pronto banging on about gender stereotypes and how awful it is that we "allow" our sons to be like this etc etc and how there's absolutely no difference between boys and girls but that is, I'm afraid, absolute bullshit as the vast majority of those of us with sons (plural) can attest.

Well said!!!
3 boys, 1 girl here and the boys never stop fighting even though they are 2x16 yrs and nearly 18. I treated my DD absolutely no different to my boys and while she enjoyed Thomas the tank engine when little and was a Tom boy, she never felt the urge to physically fight.
It's the same with boys and sticks. Whenever we were in woods etc from when they were little to now, the first thing they do is grab the biggest stick they can find and start bashing things with it. It's inbuilt in them and no amount of "girls and boys are the same, it's just the way you treat them" rubbish will change that.

I also agree with BackforGood if, god forbid, they were ever in a real fight they would be well prepared and no doubt come off better than the other person.

My boys are polite, friendly and treat people with respect but they do love a scrap

Neither boy ever fought outside the home in fact one was badly bullied by a girl when he was 10 and refused to retaliate because I had taught him not to hit back.

Same happened with my DS at around 7/8 a girl badly scratched him on the arm (he still has a scar) and he just stood there and took it because I'd taught him to never hit girls 🤦‍♀️

The 3 girls in my home would physically fight growing up.
Our parents always broke it up, one time mam was out and Dad didn't break it up my younger sister by 18 months and me fought for 20 minutes we were hurt, we never did it again aged between 10 and 12.

*You are commenting on a post from someone with 2 boys, asking for experiences from other people with 2 boys. You don't have 2 boys so in the gentlest way, you don't know what you are talking about.

What you are doing by making suggestion and doing a "head tilty" "I just don't understand why you don't parent better" type comments is exactly like when people smugly decide what excellent parents they will be before they actually have a child.*

Thank you! I spend most of my day telling my boys to stop fighting, to share, to leave the other alone, moving them to separate areas and it’s exhausting. If such people believe they can do a better job they’re welcome to take over for me. I’m happy to watch them do it and learn from their wisdom.

IME, endless tiresome rolling/wrestling on the floor is just what brothers of all ages do , and they don't really grow out of it. Sorry about that.

Your 4 yr old desperately wants to be a big boy, the equal of his 5yr old brother, so of course Big brother is his role model. He copies everything Big B does because he's too young to grasp why not..

I don't know why people think it's ok to let children be so rough. These are the kids who push others around in the playground, and its totally unnecessary.

Wow, some leap there.
My dc have NEVER "pushed others around in the playground" despite being physical in their play with each other - and still going for a wrestle when they see each other as adults. Maybe it is because they have learned boundaries through being allowed to play naturally without being 'helicoptered' all the time ?

Excellent, restrained answer @Changednamesorry and well said Kyph . That is spot on, the description about puppies. There are one or two posters on this thread who seem to be confusing wrestling with anger issues.
Yessss. @CoronaBanana. The sticks !

My boys are 8 and 3 and definitely bicker more than any other combination of my kids. It's an odd dynamic. They'd gang up on anyone that messed with either of them but they don't tolerate each other very much. The 8 year old gets on best with the 1 year old!