Family forgot my babies 1st birthday

[ImbarbaraB]

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt that nearly all my family forgot my child’s 1st birthday?

My parents remembered obviously and my sister but my brothers and all my cousins / aunties forgot

I can't tell you the dates of my nephews and nieces birthdays. 1st birthdays are very important for the parents but not for the extended family.

My aunts/uncles/cousins wouldn’t have a clue about birthdays. It’s someone that little bit more distant -maybe they don’t want to start with another person to buy for?
Parents & siblings remembered, they are the only people I would expect tbh.

YABU.

I'm really close to some of my cousins and aunties so I would be upset yes. I would see them a few times a month pre covid so it would be really noticeable if they forgot as I'd have been chatting about it a week before I imagine.

YABU

I have 2 nieces and couldnt tell you what months their birthdays are in let alone the dates.

Mine would only have known because they were invited to the birthday party!

It is not something I get het up over.

I' ve never had a card from any cousins or most of my aunts. Only one uncle remembers my DCs. I would be upset if my sister forgot though.

My family all sent presents and cards for my older daughters birthday (beginning of March) but about half of them forgot my younger daughters birthday (end of March)

She was born during lockdown last year so I was sort of understanding when we didn't get many new baby gifts but the same happened again this year particularly annoying was DHs brother forgot - we sent a present to his daughter the week before.

Brothers, no, aunties and cousins, yes, Yabu

I have no idea how many children some of cousins have, never mind their birthdays.

Brothers probably should remember, and perhaps your parents should have nudged them

How do you know they forgot? What I mean is cousins and aunties and uncles wouldn’t normally bother your child’s birthday. When a baby is born everyone makes a fuss because it’s a new baby but that fuss doesn’t continue x

Does anyone actually remember any child's birthday who isn't the parents and grandparents? I can't say I do!

If you want people to make a fuss over your child's birthday you need to remind them!

I learned this the hard way after a few people forgot my birthday - I got annoyed but they pointed out to me that I hadn't once mentioned it. They knew it was around that time, but since I hadn't mentioned it they assumed it was later.

I'd probably expect my parents and siblings to remember. Not cousins & wider family though.

That said, last year I got a message from my sister a week after my daughter's birthday to ask when it was. She was a bit embarrassed when I replied "last week", but I couldn't be angry. I've got a pretty shocking memory too - it doesn't mean you care any less

First birthdays are strangely easy to forget. I've done it for a couple of children I'd planned to remember and seen it done by close relatives.

I think it's partly because the child doesn't care, so there's no anticipation and also because they're still in the baby phase when every week and month brings new developments, so no-one's counting in years yet.

@ImbarbaraB
Only you can decide whether YABU or not. It will very much depend on your relationship with those who forgot. In my family, we do cards and gifts with one of dh siblings and their children, but not the other. On my side of the family I have aunts I haven't seen in over 50 years but am close to others. The ones I am close to have always remembered my dc's birthdays and now, remember dgs birthday as well. It is hard for you, especially as you probably haven't been able to introduce your baby to a lot of the family or have regular visits this year. On balance, I think I'd let it go this year, just because it has been far from normal for everyone. Doesn't mean the subject won't come up in conversations later on though.

You can’t really expect your aunties and cousins to remember ....if they do it’s a bonus , not a given.

I honestly couldn't tell you my cousins' birthdays, never mind their children, so I think YABU (sorry).

It’s a first birthday, so the infant won’t have a clue about it and will have suffered no harm. You wanting a fuss is about you - not sure it’s reasonable for cousins etc to be expected to consider it particularly important.
If you want a fuss, you need to organise a fuss.

I'm afraid I must be a terrible sister. I don't know when my ds children's birthdays are, unless a reminder pops up on Facebook if I look on the right day. She doesn't know my children's either. Given this, it may come as a surprise to you that we are fabulous friends. These things just don't matter. Yabu.

I think it's reasonable to be upset that your siblings forgot. I would be too.

Cousins and aunts, not really. I don't know when any of my cousins' kids birthdays are. I could give a vague month for some of them but that's about it

Brothers forgetting is a typical man thing (I'm not condoning it but I know my husband wouldn't have a clue about nieces and nephews). They need a kick up the backside or at least a reminder on their phone.

Expecting your cousins and aunties to send gifts though? It's just not a done thing in most families. There's certainly far too many in ours.

I wouldn’t expect aunts, cousins, even siblings to know when your child’s birthday is. Your parents know - that’s about what I would expect. I don’t know when my sister’s DC’s birthdays are.

As others have said, I’d be upset about your brothers forgetting but not the extended family members unless you’re exceptionally close.

YANBU, make sure to forget theirs as well.