Forgetting birthday AIBU?

[Windmill312]

Hi all,

Today's my birthday. It's not been a great day really. Almost everyone I know forgot including parents/siblings/other family/friends. I hadn't really mentioned it to anyone, do not surprising really. I haven't had any cards or presents, not that it's important I suppose, it just feels a bit sad.

Anyway, I've been in a LDR for nearly two years and as such, I'm not spending the day with my OH, as he is working. Not a problem, we saw each other a couple of days ago and spent the day together. No card or gift from him either, but I did say he didn't need to get me anything when he asked, so I'm ok with that.

Here's the thing, I've already needed to remind my OH twice this year when my birthday is. I've spoke about it fairly often in recent weeks in relation to the plans we had a couple of days ago. I had a lie in this morning and woke to no happy birthday texts. From anyone. Nothing from OH either. An hour or so later he sent me a nice good morning text and asked if I had any plans for the day. No mention of my birthday, so I reminded him again. He was quite sheepish and said he's not great first thing in the morning (it was probably about 9.30/10ish).

I'm not sure if it's just because of the lack of communication from other friends and family today, but I feel quite put out by OH's forgetfulness. I don't know if I'm being overly dramatic and I should just let it go though.

Thoughts?

He said what do you want for your birthday and I said you don't have to get me anything, to which he said ok.

This question is a test. Another such test question is "you don't mind if I go to a strip club do you?".

Test questions are about self-worth and boundaries. They are designed to make you see the 'bad' personality trait about one answer (being grabby in the first example and being a controlling prude in the second) and forget your needs, wants and boundaries. Patriarchal socialisation, innit.

The correct answer to the first question is, "surprise me' or "you know me well enough now" or, if you are really cheeky, "please see this extensive list".

Don't make yourself and your needs small.

Excellent post @mrster

Oops.. Excellent post @MrsTerryPratchett

Some people like to celebrate their birthdays. Others don't.

Exactly. I'd be really cross with anyone who DID try to push my birthday onto me, after I'd made it clear that I wish to forget it.

To the OP: I wouldn't dump your boyfriend just for this, if he truly is great in other ways; but as your birthday clearly is important to you, you should tell him so, and that it hurts your feelings when he forgets it.

One crucial question here is: how does he treat his own birthday? If he doesn't treat it as a big thing, he may genuinely assume that others are the same, unless you do emphasize that it's important to you. If he expects to be treated as a prince on his birthday (not the same thing as 'do you choose to do so?'; is it what he expects?), but ignores yours, then that is mean of him.

Forgetting my birthday is a major major issue.

Acknowledging mine is a major major issue! I keep in as secret as possible, and anyone close to me knows that I can't bear to be reminded of 'new age day', and especially not to have people make a fuss of my birthday in any way. If they did it more than once, it would be a deal-breaker.

I don’t expect presents but a ‘hey it’s your birthday!’ Is the very least a partner should do.

Not in my case; if no one reminds me, I can forget it myself, and very much prefer it that way!

Obviously, this doesn't apply to the OP. But is an example of how different people have different wishes, and should make this clear to others, especially those to whom they are close. If someone wants a birthday present, they should not say 'don't get me anything'. If they don't want a present, but do want an acknowledgement, they could say 'don't get me a present, but a card would be lovely' or 'don't get me anything, but it would be nice to spend some special time together on that day'. People should be clear with their close ones about what they want and need, and should neither 'play games' nor allow the other person to 'play games'.

Why is your bar set so low?
You have to remind him 2x about your birthday?
You are happy with no presents and just a text. For me he is worthy of being dumped. He couldn't even fake the effort of a text.