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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu or is my teen behaving spoilt?

59 replies

Teendrama · 30/05/2021 14:27

I've had my eye on some trainers for about a year. My teenage ds had recently started mentioning that he liked these trainers too (I'm a youngish mum).

Ds hadn't actually asked for the trainers just mentioned that he really liked the style.

This morning at the shops with dh, on a whim I've treated myself to the trainers for the Summer.

Got home, ds asked what was in the bag. Ds has thrown a huge strop, crying, slammed his games controller, told me I'm taking the piss.

I'm pretty upset and taken aback at his behaviour. He's never gone without anything, no one in this house goes without nice things, we are extremely lucky. He's recently had a very nice birthday present. We've got loads of lovely activities booked in as a family.

He's got lots of nice clothes and trainers of his own that he chose himself. But obviously with growing feet he can't just always have the exact branded trainers every time he wants them. He's got his own birthday money too.

I try not to spoil the dc but they certainly don't go without.

We were taking the dc out this evening and I don't even feel like going now.

OP posts:
Melitza · 30/05/2021 15:35

@Teessider

I wouldn't have bought the trainers knowing he wanted them too. That seems a little odd to me.

The tantrum needs ignoring or cracking down on, depending on how you parent, but it seems strange to me that you'd purchase the very trainers your teenager wants too. Almost asking for a fall out I suppose

Op has liked these trainers for a year! Her teen isn't the only person that can have trendy trainers.
Landedmydreamjob · 30/05/2021 15:36

I would’ve bought a different trendy brand. Not the exact ones he wanted. Because that’s a bit of a dick move.

Cherrysoup · 30/05/2021 15:39

Yes, spoiled, or rather stroppy teen who can use his own money to get his own. I’d tell him to trot on and give him whatever his share of life this evening would have cost towards his trainers. He can stay home and sulk alone.

SofiaMichelle · 30/05/2021 15:40

@TaraR2020

My parents would have come down on me like a ton of bricks if I'd behaved like that.

You've done nothing wrong, obviously

Yep. I think most normal parents would.

Accepting shit like that is lining kids up for problems later.

ExplodingCarrots · 30/05/2021 15:43

He was really crying over this ? He needs a massive reality check. Total spoilt behaviour. My DD doesn't even have tantrums and crying fits and she's 7. Enjoy your new trainers OP, guilt free !

Cocolapew · 30/05/2021 15:44

@Landedmydreamjob

I would’ve bought a different trendy brand. Not the exact ones he wanted. Because that’s a bit of a dick move.
Why should she? She's liked them for a year. It's tough shit basically.
Landedmydreamjob · 30/05/2021 15:45

I just would have. I was that person with a mum who thought she was young and trendy and I got the utter piss ripped clean out of me for it so I wouldn’t do it to my kids.

Not to say I wouldn’t dress fashionable or nice, but I picked different brands.

Cocolapew · 30/05/2021 15:48

I'm 52 and have tons of trainers because they're comfy. I'm not dressing different to how I like to spare anyones blushes.
My teens dont act like spoilt brats.

Hankunamatata · 30/05/2021 15:49

People should look at it from different angle. Imagine op was a narcissist mum. Teen told mum they like this specific trainers (the mum has never mentioned them before) suddenly mum comes home wearing the same trainers that teen told her about.

Landedmydreamjob · 30/05/2021 15:50

I get that. I just wouldn’t have picked the exact ones my teen was wanting.

I can only wear trainers or flat shoes so I hear ya.

I was bullied for how my mum looked and I just chose to be different to her. That’s all.

I’m only trying to give a different perspective. I know I would’ve been terribly upset inside (I wouldn’t have shown it) and still remember a teacher asking if that was my mother when I was 15.

Cocolapew · 30/05/2021 15:51

Fair enough Smile

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 30/05/2021 15:59

I also wonder if it's the embarrassment factor. You say you are a young mum, but to a teen their mum is not young. Imagine you have a DD and she likes a trendy outfit and hopes to get it. Then Mum goes out shopping and comes home with the outfit for herself. Do you think teen daughter would want to wear the same outfit as her mother? It would be so cringy for her. I'm guessing same thing for your son with the trainers.

VeganVeal · 30/05/2021 16:07

Worst of all he's 27, he should act a bit more grown up IMO

Rewis · 30/05/2021 16:14

Did he know you were into them? Cause I can understand being a bit upset if I showed someone something I liked and then they went out and bought them for themselves. Obviously, his tantrum is innaproptiate regardless.

hiccupgate · 30/05/2021 16:35

Actually I think YABU. Did you tell him you had your eye on the same pair? Because to him, it'll look like you've just gone and bought the same pair out of the blue after he specifically told you he liked them. It'll look like for some reason you've done it to spite him. And now if he wanted them, he'd be wearing the same as his mum. If anyone did that to me I'd be a bit pissed off too. Chuck in a teenage brain and there you go.

AlmostSummer21 · 30/05/2021 16:43

@VeganVeal

Worst of all he's 27, he should act a bit more grown up IMO
Who is 27?
Hellocatshome · 30/05/2021 16:44

Where did 27 come from?

Branleuse · 30/05/2021 16:45

Tell him to fuck off, that its your money and if you want to treat yourself to new trainers then its none of his business. You might be his mum but youre still a person in your own right with likes, dislikes, tastes amd dreams. Not just personal enabler and treater of your children

Teessider · 30/05/2021 17:03

@Melitza true. However she's also an adult and it's not something an adult would do to their teenager. Seems a weirdly almost goading thing to do

Of course the above is just my opinion.

Bbq1 · 30/05/2021 17:41

@OrangePowder

Ok so imagine your best friend knew you were covetting a dress, saving hard but couldn't quite afford it yet and then...
Yeah but it was the other way around. Op was "coveting" the trainers for a year before her ds decided he liked them too. Imagine if you wanted that dress for a year then your friend comes along likes it for a month or 2 then has a strop because you buy it first...
Branleuse · 30/05/2021 17:48

My teens would get short shrift for trying to tell me i was embarrassing or that i couldnt buy myself cool new trainers

ButtercupSquash · 30/05/2021 18:28

I think you should explain to him that you had no idea he would feel so upset because... maybe you didn’t think he was likely to buy them... Whatever.
Then maybe tell him that feelings are ok, tantrums aren’t.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 30/05/2021 18:55

Or look at it from a different point of view. How many of you would even as a grown up fully functioning adult want to go out in the exact same trainers as your own mother.

bloodyhell19 · 30/05/2021 19:02

Tough buckets son!

Well enough for him that he has a game controller he can slam down & have a tantrum because his mother has bought herself shoes she's wanted for a year. You can't always get what you want kid, and it sounds like it's about time he learned that. And if he thinks so little of his game controller that he can slam it, then maybe he can do without it for a while. What an unbelievable cheek.

YANBU OP.

Laureline · 30/05/2021 19:19

He’s being utterly ridiculous and he’s spoiled, yes. I also would not tolerate that kind of language (him telling you you’re taking the piss).