Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU...he’s being Best Man at his Lesbian BF’s Wedding...but he’s slept with her

66 replies

ChildlessButHappy · 30/05/2021 13:45

My Partner is acting as Best Man at his BF’s Wedding. My issue is they’ve slept together (more than once), albeit before me. Her Wife to Be doesn’t know and I’d never tell her. The complication and what’s making me so uneasy is that the BF was BF’s with my Partner’s Ex...and she slept with him! My Partner and I have been together for a year and are moving in together. The BF has been asked to meet me repeatedly but always has an excuse. I’m not invited to the Wedding because they need to keep numbers tight due to COVID etc. Would their relationship bother you???

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 30/05/2021 16:53

It wouldn't bother me who'd slept with whom as long as there's no cheating.

I get the tight numbers on the wedding because of Covid.

But I think it's very rude not to bother to meet you despite being invited. In normal times not inviting your best man's partner would be a snub; obviously it isn't the same right now but I would expect her to have taken the time to meet you and be gracious.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 30/05/2021 16:58

This is the type of over-complicated, relationship stuff I just hated when I was dating. I would have run for the hills.

NameyNameyNameChangey · 30/05/2021 17:10

I'm a bit confused who has slept with who, and when?
But it wouldn't bother me as long as I wasn't in a relationship with anyone sleeping with anyone else.

flyingant · 31/05/2021 15:07

Does no-one think it's a bit off that the bride slept with her best man and her wife-to-be doesn't know this? Imagine if your husband had slept with his best man and he kept it a secret from you. That strikes me as the thing that's wrong in this scenario.

bloodyhell19 · 31/05/2021 15:13

Wouldn't bother me tbh - but then, I'm not dating him, you are, so if it's making you that uncomfortable you can always discuss how you feel with him. But I wouldn't expect him not to be her best man - you might just feel better for telling him how you feel.

And you've been together for a year - so through covid. That could be her reason for not meeting you. She could have been trying to keep her circle small and not meeting anyone unnecessarily.

Branleuse · 31/05/2021 15:14

im not sure how id feel, but you feel the way you do, and I dont think its unreasonable or strange that youd feel a bit put out by not being invited to his best friends wedding where he was the best man. It wouldnt necessarily make me think they were going to shag, but id feel a bit sidelined

PlanDeRaccordement · 31/05/2021 15:18

@flyingant
It’s really more comparable to the groom having slept with the maid of honour than his own best man. And no, wouldn’t care. It all sounds like it was years ago and both are now clearly only friends as they’ve moved on to new partners. That’s my main reason for saying it would not bother me, as it’s all in the past.

Obviously, if the groom slept with the maid of honour during his engagement to the bride, yes I’d have an issue.

Janaih · 31/05/2021 15:18

Does no-one think it's a bit off that the bride slept with her best man and her wife-to-be doesn't know this?
Yes that's shady. Also odd that your partner is considered close enough by someone to be best man, but you've not met them.
Thry sound like exhausting drama llamas to me, and if I was OP I would leave them to it and make a swift exit.

Newmum110 · 31/05/2021 15:19

Man slept with best friend who is a woman lesbian. Man is now going to be best man at her wedding.

  1. Man is now with you, therefore nothing to worry about
  2. Best friend is getting married, therefore nothing to worry about
  3. Best friend is now a lesbian, nothing to worry about
  4. You know all about this, no secrets, nothing to worry about
MrsTerryPratchett · 31/05/2021 15:23

Does no-one think it's a bit off that the bride slept with her best man and her wife-to-be doesn't know this?

That's the shit part. The poor wife to be. If when she finds out she will rightly be very upset that her whole wedding involved a secret no one bothered to tell her.

That's shitty of everyone involved.

quizqueen · 31/05/2021 15:40

The question is, surely, why do lesbians want a best man anyway? Shouldn't you have a best woman?

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 31/05/2021 15:52

@MrsTerryPratchett

Does no-one think it's a bit off that the bride slept with her best man and her wife-to-be doesn't know this?

That's the shit part. The poor wife to be. If when she finds out she will rightly be very upset that her whole wedding involved a secret no one bothered to tell her.

That's shitty of everyone involved.

Yeah it’s a whole shit storm waiting to happen. I’d feel very deceived if I was her.
MrMeSeeks · 31/05/2021 16:22

@NameyNameyNameChangey

I'm a bit confused who has slept with who, and when? But it wouldn't bother me as long as I wasn't in a relationship with anyone sleeping with anyone else.
Yep me too, I still don’t get it Confused Think it’s shit not too tell wife too be though.
Bluntness100 · 31/05/2021 16:24

@quizqueen

The question is, surely, why do lesbians want a best man anyway? Shouldn't you have a best woman?
Is this a bloody serious question?
Mummyoflittledragon · 31/05/2021 16:31

Dh slept with his first cousin once removed (same age) when they were late teens. They continue to be good friends. And we are also friends with her dh. We don’t live in the same country and I’m 100% sure they wouldn’t sleep together again. On this basis I would have no issue.

You should meet these people. The ogre unknown is always worse than you think.

NameyNameyNameChangey · 31/05/2021 17:07

@quizqueen

The question is, surely, why do lesbians want a best man anyway? Shouldn't you have a best woman?
Just go the whole hog and have a male free wedding.

(That's a joke, I have to point this out as some people take things way too seriously on here)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread