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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU...he’s being Best Man at his Lesbian BF’s Wedding...but he’s slept with her

66 replies

ChildlessButHappy · 30/05/2021 13:45

My Partner is acting as Best Man at his BF’s Wedding. My issue is they’ve slept together (more than once), albeit before me. Her Wife to Be doesn’t know and I’d never tell her. The complication and what’s making me so uneasy is that the BF was BF’s with my Partner’s Ex...and she slept with him! My Partner and I have been together for a year and are moving in together. The BF has been asked to meet me repeatedly but always has an excuse. I’m not invited to the Wedding because they need to keep numbers tight due to COVID etc. Would their relationship bother you???

OP posts:
OverByYer · 30/05/2021 14:36

Really confused here is BF boyfriend or best friend?

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/05/2021 14:38
Confused
Bluntness100 · 30/05/2021 14:39

You’re taking issue with who he has sex with before he met you and the fact they are now good friends. She’s gay and he’s best man ar her wedding?

That’s a really concerning level of jealousy and insecurity op

ShirleyPhallus · 30/05/2021 14:39

You should sleep with him too and round the circle

SengaMac · 30/05/2021 14:44

Was your partner still with his ex when he had sex with his ex's best friend?
If so, why do you want to be with him anyway?

Bluntness100 · 30/05/2021 14:44

Maybe if it bothers you op you should end it and only date men who are either virgins or would never consider being friends with an ex? You could put it right there in your old profile?

bitheby · 30/05/2021 14:46

It's quite common in lesbian circles for people to be friends and lovers over time and in a friendship group with people who are exes and current partners. Probably because there isn't a huge pool of people to choose from. Obviously your boyfriend doesn't quite fit into that category but I expect the bride is quite used to that type of set up.

BillyIsMyBunny · 30/05/2021 14:46

I’ve slept with one of my best friends. It happened several times but was many years ago now, no infidelity involved and we’re still friends, it hasn’t changed the friendship but I don’t think either of us would be looking for it to happen again.

I would feel hurt if I invited him to my wedding and he wasn’t able to go because his girlfriend didn’t trust us not to do it again. You obviously don’t think highly of either of them to think that they would cheat at her wedding of all places! I’m glad that my friends gf doesn’t care about what happened in the past and that we’re still able to have a close friendship regardless of the fact we have had sex in the past.

Somanysocks · 30/05/2021 14:49

This is like an episode of Soap (for those old enough to remember).

I think the fact she's a lesbian is a red herring.

lioncitygirl · 30/05/2021 14:49

🤦🏻‍♀️ Oh god. What’s the issue?! Did he cheat on anyone? Are you afraid he’s going to sleep with her again at her wedding? They slept together - so what?! It’s sex. Grip needed.

BirthdayCakeBelly · 30/05/2021 15:17

Personally I’d run like the wind.

Hawkins001 · 30/05/2021 15:46

I guess the pasts are their pasts, unless you have intelligence, to suggest their is more going on ?

LindaEllen · 30/05/2021 15:48

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

My DH slept with a friend of his when they were both single, we are both good friends with her now, it’s just sex with consenting adults,
Or that's what they want you to think.
frankenpoodle · 30/05/2021 15:49

It seems like a very messy, tangled web. I wouldn't like it. Some people have a casual attitude toward sex, and for them this may be no problem, but others would be uncomfortable, especially since you're not invited and haven't even met this woman.

I wouldn't worry about anything happening at the wedding, because... it's her wedding and there will be other guests there! But I would wonder about their relationship and probably not be comfortable if they're typically spending a lot of time together.

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/05/2021 15:50

What’s a bit of sex among friends before marriage? This would not bother me at all.

SmokeyDevil · 30/05/2021 15:57

It kind of sounds like he slept with his friend while with his ex from the op. Maybe that's not the case, hopefully not as I wouldn't touch him with a bargepole if that was the case.

Odd too that the friend hasn't told her soon to be wife about this man, considering she considers him close enough to be her best man. I'd be pretty annoyed if my partner made one of his exs his best woman without telling what their relationship had fully involved, it's hiding something.

It doesn't sound great and I'd be put off by him.

VettiyaIruken · 30/05/2021 16:00

It would bother me that she had repeatedly made excuses to avoid meeting me. That's odd and I'd wonder what the problem was.

BensonStabler · 30/05/2021 16:20

I became friends with my DH's friend who had 6 years prior to meeting me, went out for a couple months & obviously slept together. We all have a past. I trusted him, then soon after realised I could also trust her. We quickly grew to be the best of friends, even more so than DH and her.

She and I have now been best friends for nearly 18 years now. Smile She is like a Sister to me.

I am not saying your situation is the same, but it all comes down to trust.

valnevavaxx · 30/05/2021 16:26

I’m always amazed when people can’t handle if their DPs have slept with friends in the past before they got together- sex between friends happens, so long as it’s in the past then who cares?

With regards to the OPs situation I agree with others- need to know if there was infidelity involved. But generally sleeping with a friend is fine imo.

SimonJT · 30/05/2021 16:29

Meh, my ex fiance was at wedding, no big deal. Ex fiance and husband have joined forces to bully me and point out all my flaws 😂

EmeraldShamrock · 30/05/2021 16:37

No it wouldn't bother me especially if it was a FWB scenario over a long relationship.

MintyMabel · 30/05/2021 16:37

Can you explain it again like you would to a 5 year old.

When a man and a woman are very much in love, they sometimes have a special cuddle.....

newnortherner111 · 30/05/2021 16:40

This seems a non-issue to me. Two people are getting married, long before their relationship one of them had another relationship. No infidelity or cheating involved.

Justbeenjabbed · 30/05/2021 16:41

I don’t think it would bother me OP.

As a side issue, did anyone else find it very difficult to follow this post? Sometimes I think my brain has given up on me...

missmopple · 30/05/2021 16:44

@MintyMabel Grin Grin Grin