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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to worry about this getting out

44 replies

heyho2015 · 30/05/2021 07:02

I did something foolish, stupid and embarrassing 4 years ago and am worried sick about it coming out and shaming me: AIBU to worry about this?

Basically I was on a date with my (then) new BF. We were wandering around town, holding hands, kissing etc. It was early evening and we went into a shopping mall, and paused for about 10 minutes of full on snogging.

I was in my early 40s at the time (have kids), and newly single after a long, loveless marriage.

I'm now really, really worried that somehow CCTV footage of this snogging will find it's way onto the internet, and tracked back to me, and friends, family and colleagues (am in a responsible job in the community) will see it and my life will be ruined. I am worried sick that my thoughtless behaviour that night is like a ticking time bomb which could go off at any time.....

AIBU to be this worried?

OP posts:

ZooeyS · 30/05/2021 07:05

YABU! Footage of two 40 year olds kissing isn’t going to set the internet on fire, don’t worry.

PurpleFlower1983 · 30/05/2021 07:06

YABU, forget about it, it will be long deleted!

BeachWaves2 · 30/05/2021 07:06

😂

Cuntryhouse · 30/05/2021 07:08

This is obviously about something else op. You feeling guilty that you let your hair down etc.

This is not an event op. It will not end up on the internet.

People not me have actual sex in public.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 30/05/2021 07:08

OP you clearly have OCD/anxiety. I have it myself and totally get it. From a rational perspective though what you did isn't irresponsible. You weren't having sex in a children's playground. You were a new couple being affectionate. Even if everyone you knew had seen they wouldn't be particularly interested in it. They'd think it was fairly sweet and not give it any thought.

BigHeadBertha · 30/05/2021 07:10

I doubt anyone would be interested in any old footage of you making out with some guy, even if you were a celebrity. They can see all manner of full blown nasty porn right at their fingertips so I don't think such tame behavior stands any chance of ruining your life.

ItsNotLoveActually · 30/05/2021 07:12

There has to be more going on with your life to make you so worried about a non-event 4 yrs ago. Has something triggered you recently?
Unless you are famous or there was some degree of indecency, then I do think you are BU.

BigHeadBertha · 30/05/2021 07:12

I believe CCTV is only kept for a very short time, then taped over anyway.

VaguelyInteresting · 30/05/2021 07:12

Oh OP...

I totally understand this. I often worry about things that happened years ago/things I’ve done that are minor “transgressions” and blow them up out of all proportion/ things I might have done wrong but can’t actually verify whether or not I have ...

I tend to find this happens most when I’m coming out of a period of high anxiety or when I don’t have anything “real” to worry about!- it’s like I’m so in the anxiety zone, i can’t come down, so my mind casts around for something to fix on.

In my case this is a symptom of PTSD. I had to live in a state of high alert from 4 years old and so my “default” state as an adult is high anxiety.

I don’t want to pry or project, but if any of this sounds like you, you may wish to seek therapy. It’s something that you can “fix” but it takes such a lot of work and is very much an ongoing project for me.

If not and it’s just a random fear- don’t worry. That 100000% won’t happen, that footage was most likely deleted years ago (I believe the only footage they keep is eg where they know they have footage of a crime or whatever)- I’m fairly certain it’s a legal requirement to delete.

Chin up!

Puntastic · 30/05/2021 07:14

What they said , OP. Seek help for your anxiety, it's no way to live your life.

Holly60 · 30/05/2021 07:14

You did nothing wrong at all. This sounds like bigger feelings of shame coming from somewhere about something. Feeling that level of shame about snogging in public is not proportionate. I would explore where else the shame might be coming from

Iggly · 30/05/2021 07:14

What? Seriously?

custardbear · 30/05/2021 07:20

It's very old footage and frankly not very interesting, no one would think to upload and circulate it, no one would watch it either as it's really nothing to see if you're just snogging
As pp have said, CCTV is kept about a week before it's deleted, and I'm pretty sure it has privacy rules too
Move on with your life and stop worrying about a snippet of cctv that's long gone

SomewhereInAnotherLife · 30/05/2021 07:22

First of all, CCTV doesn’t work like that. The tapes are not kept forever. They are taped over.

Secondly, anyone watching the tapes won’t give a toss - they see far worse. People shoplifting, people shooting up or pissing in doorways. Two consenting adults snogging wouldn’t even make the top 100.

This is your anxiety speaking and has no basis in reality. This seems to be causing considerable distress so I hope you are getting help.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 30/05/2021 07:29

You didn't do anything wrong - all perfectly legal.

You may not have been visible to their cctv cameras - they don't cover every square metre.

You may not have been recognisable - when the police release footage of criminals they are often too blurry or grainy to be recognised.

Nobody watches the recordings unless there's a need to - crime committed etc

Recordings are not kept.

If someone did watch it, for whatever reason, it is nowhere near salacious enough to pique their interest.

tiredanddangerous · 30/05/2021 07:30

Your worry over this isn't normal op. Please go and see your GP.

Nameandgamechange123 · 30/05/2021 07:30

If the worst happened and somehow, by miracle of miracles this footage was found, you would just explain it like you did in your post! But it won't be. I think you've blown this up to be much bigger than it is. You did nothing wrong. Forget it!

gavisconismyfriend · 30/05/2021 07:46

In the nicest possible way, recordings that make their way onto the internet are either outrageous or hilarious. Even if there was CCTV and even if the recording still existed (it won’t), film of a couple of people snogging in the street won’t be of interest to anyone. No-one would bother posting it on the internet.

LividBlabber · 30/05/2021 07:54

Can’t tell if you’re joking or having huge issues elsewhere that are manifesting.

I have done much, much worse things that occasionally embarrass me in the middle of the night.

But this is not an issue unless something else has made it one.

SteveArnottsCodeine · 30/05/2021 07:57

This is a crazy thing to worry about- a) CCTV footage even in this day and age is grainy and rubbish b) you weren’t doing anything exciting enough to mean anyone would have picked up on it and c) systems automatically data-overwrite after (normally) 30 days, so that footage is long gone!

In the kindest possible way- you need help. Go and see your GP, these deep feelings of shame aren’t normal.

KarmaStar · 30/05/2021 08:05

Forget it!!it's a non event (I don't mean that unpleasantly)honestly it's been wiped,binned or recorded over.
I hope you are living a much happier life now.🌈

SummerHouse · 30/05/2021 08:06

You snogged someone in a mall. That's fine.

The footage will never, ever see the light of day. Have you ever seen a clip on the internet of a couple snogging in a mall? No. Because, no one cares!

StormcloakNord · 30/05/2021 08:08

This is up there with one of the most ridiculous/bonkers threads I've ever read on here.

Get help op.

MiaRoma · 30/05/2021 08:10

You have intrusive thoughts OCD

See your GP for help

The footage of you snogging will have been deleted 90 days after it happened

AprilAzpilicueta · 30/05/2021 08:11

The overwhelming likelihood is that a) there was no CCTV of this in the first place as cameras don't cover everywhere and b) if there was CCTV the quality wouldn't have been good enough to identify you and c) even if you could be identified, the CCTV would never have been watched by anyone unless a crime was committed at the same time and location and they needed to check back and d) otherwise it will have been deleted after 30 days so any evidence of your perfectly normal behaviour will be long gone.

I do think you need more help with your anxiety though

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