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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my DH is being unreasonable about eating!

43 replies

Herewegoagain84 · 29/05/2021 20:22

Just had an argument with my DH about the fact I don’t fancy a BBQ tonight. It’s pretty cold, I’m exhausted (two young DC), and just not hungry. Long story short I said I’m happy to sort my food tonight and he should work his out and not worry about me - I’ll probably have some toast. At which point he flounced off and said he won’t eat anything then. I said it was normal to occasionally not want the same things/ eat separately (even though we have done this only rarely in our relationship). He then suggested we do separate shopping lists. I think he’s being utterly ridiculous and also putting his own well-being/eating habits on my shoulders somehow. Can people please tell me whether this is a fairly common thing for people in a relationship to do, or am I being unreasonable for not wanting to eat the same dinner tonight?!!

OP posts:
comedycentral · 29/05/2021 20:25

He's being a right mard arse! Of course it's ok to grab something light. He's being weird about it.

Wuurg · 29/05/2021 20:26

He's being a dick.

Soulstirring · 29/05/2021 20:26

Lol, My husband is obsessed with food and planning meals. He loves to know what he’s eating for tea literally as soon as he wakes it.
It drives me insane. I’d honesty weigh stones less if we didn’t eat together.

suspiria777 · 29/05/2021 20:27

I suspect it's not really about the bbq but about what he feels the bbq "~represents~"

MsFrog · 29/05/2021 20:28

Oh my god, what a nutter! 🤣 DH and I eat separately all the time! It's not normal to always fancy the same thing as the other person.

StCharlotte · 29/05/2021 20:29

Was he planning to cook the barbecue for you both?

Mat12345 · 29/05/2021 20:30

With young children it's normal to eat separately when working or tired often but as you eat together normally he's probably just tired and fancied a change

MamaWeasel · 29/05/2021 20:31

We have occasional FFY nights (Fend For Yourself) where we eat differently. It shouldn't be a big deal. tell him not to make a meal of it

4amWitchingHour · 29/05/2021 20:32

I wouldn't want to start a bloody bbq at 8:30 either! And yes, totally normal to eat separately. Your H is being a mardy arse

Blueemeraldagain · 29/05/2021 20:33

Hmm, I suppose if he was really looking forward to the BBQ and it’s not really worth doing for one person then he might be disappointed. No need to be such a child about it though.

3Britnee · 29/05/2021 20:35

@Herewegoagain84

Just had an argument with my DH about the fact I don’t fancy a BBQ tonight. It’s pretty cold, I’m exhausted (two young DC), and just not hungry. Long story short I said I’m happy to sort my food tonight and he should work his out and not worry about me - I’ll probably have some toast. At which point he flounced off and said he won’t eat anything then. I said it was normal to occasionally not want the same things/ eat separately (even though we have done this only rarely in our relationship). He then suggested we do separate shopping lists. I think he’s being utterly ridiculous and also putting his own well-being/eating habits on my shoulders somehow. Can people please tell me whether this is a fairly common thing for people in a relationship to do, or am I being unreasonable for not wanting to eat the same dinner tonight?!!
I'd have replied 'fair enough' and then watched him cutting his nose off for the rest of the evening. He's the one that would have been hungry 🤷‍♀️
Holothane · 29/05/2021 20:38

He’s being a dick my dh has sorted himself out because I’m feeling sick after the 2nd jab, let him get on with it if he wants to play the victim ignore him hugs.

checkingforballoons · 29/05/2021 20:41

YANBU! We usually eat together but sometimes life gets in the way. I quite like the chance to have something DH doesn’t like to be honest!

LindaEllen · 29/05/2021 20:43

Tbh if I'd been looking forward to a bbq (which is more of an 'event' than a meal even if it's just your household) I think I'd be miffed too. But I'd probably just do a bbq for me and the kids and let DP do his own thing. Nobody wins if he just sulks about it.

In fact I wanted a BBQ today and DP didn't so we've agreed to do it tomorrow instead.

lottiegarbanzo · 29/05/2021 20:51

A BBQ is as much a social event as a dinner, even within the family. You either do it wholeheartedly or don't bother. I wouldn't be springing it as a last minute option. What did the DC eat?

I find I do get stuck in having to eat 'proper dinners' every night, because someone has to cook dinner for the family. I'd often be happy with something quick and snacky and cooking / eating feels like a drag but it's not just about me anymore.

thewreckofthehesperus · 29/05/2021 20:57

With my exh he wouldve reacted the same as your H, sulked and made the rest of the evening miserable. With my new partner hed have said 'no problem' and maybe we'd do BBQ tomorrow instead. In fact he'd probably have appeared with tea and toast for me a few mins later and just sorted himself out if he wanted more.

You are an adult, you're allowed to say 'no'. Sulking is a form of emotional abuse, trying to train you out of disagreeing with him just for the sake of an easy life. By the end of my marriage i was a nervous wreck, walking on eggshells and a slave to his moods. Dont end up like me, it can take an awful toll on your mental health.

Id be telling him pretty damn quick that how hes behaving is unacceptable and he needs to cop on pdq.

RRK593 · 29/05/2021 21:04

It's not unheard of in my house to make a meal for me, a meal for my partner and one for the children!

Though my partner does like us to eat the same foods mainly for practical reasons - having the oven on twice as long, twice as much washing up etc. Also because he is more adventurous with food though too and he wants us to try the foods he eats.

I can definitely see how food causes an argument though!

diamondpony80 · 29/05/2021 21:05

I love a good BBQ and would normally jump at it, but its kind of heavy if you're not that hungry. And a lot of work if you're not in the mood for the cooking and cleaning up afterwards. A bit childish of DH to get all pissy about it just because he didn't get his own way.

In our house we only eat the same dinners maybe half the week. In which case whichever of us has time will cook. Otherwise we cook our own. The kids usually eat what I'm having because DH goes heavy on the spices.

Returnoftheowl · 29/05/2021 21:29

It sounds like he's he's cutting his nose off to spit his face here.
With the separate shopping list is he planning on doing his half of the shopping?

WTFisNext · 29/05/2021 21:42

My husband and I rarely eat the same meal/at the same time.

We've managed 20 years doing what works for our own bodies and the universe hasn't imploded and neither of us are off for sneaky steak dinners with other people.

Your husband is being a prat!

Bluntness100 · 29/05/2021 21:46

lol a these posts, so desperate to support and follow the first poster that folks are pretending it’s totally Normal to live like students and habe seperate meals. 😂

SchrodingersImmigrant · 29/05/2021 21:59

A BBQ is as much a social event as a dinner, even within the family. You either do it wholeheartedly or don't bother

It doesn't have to be. I just sometimes fancy theeat grilled rather than pan fried or in the oven. 20 min in and out max, easy peasy bbq dinner.

And yes, DH and I sometimes have separate meals as well, it's usually when we can't be arsed to cook, so we get some stuff from freezer. Yesterday he had chinese beef thing and I had red thai curry🤷🏻 Nothing weird about it

sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/05/2021 22:24

Did you plan on having a bbq then change your mind? Thats a bit different from deciding you don't fancy eating the same meal. A bbq is much more of a sit down and chat occasion than a normal meal

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 29/05/2021 22:28

I think it depends on the situation. Of course it's fine to eat separately. But if he has been looking forward to a bbq all day, got the stuff in, and then you turn round at the end of the afternoon and say you don't fancy it, then I'd be a bit miffed as well, to be honest.

honeygirlz · 29/05/2021 22:30

YANBU, he probably doesn't want to do the work.

Who usually does the cooking and washing up?