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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Rude hairdresser

69 replies

Hello242 · 29/05/2021 19:07

Not a huge deal really but I’m a bit annoyed I was as usual really polite and meek at someone who was obvious very rude.

The hairdresser is generally quite judgemental about others and everything in general but I keep going to her as it’s a small place and I kind of feel obligated like I should be going and I feel a little sorry for her. I also feel guilty incase I bump into her one day after having been to another salon! I know I’m totally weird but this is another topic for another time

Last time I went she was very judgemental about a topic (nothing controversial AT ALL). So this time when she asked my opinion about that topic I gave the reverse response of last time (so agreeing with her) and she started laying into me! Like totally crazy last time she was against it and this time when I also was against it she was for it!

I was just standing there like an idiot (happened at the end as I was paying). She was like shouting and was really rude. I just stood there and then agreed with her to make her just stop. I was just wanting to get out of there and go home. I thanked for for a lovely service and said see you soon and have a lovely bank holiday.

How would you have reacted if you weren’t a quiet little mouse like me! Should I have shouted back or was I right to just walk away and be polite.

OP posts:

Nothingyet · 29/05/2021 20:19

@Hello242

Oh my god! Seriously I had to respond before logging off. First English is not my first language it’s actually my third.

I’m not going to steep to your level so please “educate” me on what’s a better word for the following person lists - talks very loud, argues with everyone, makes comments - judgmental about everyone and everything, tells you family secrets, tells you secrets about customers, tells you really personal details about her life abs her daughters life?

I confess I haven't read though the whole thread but it sounds to me as if she is a bit "simple", (to use a slang word we use for someone who isn't too bright).

NotTerfNorCis · 29/05/2021 20:20

Huh I've known people like that before - in fact sometimes they change tack in the middle of a conversation if you start agreeing with them, because the point for them is they want an argument!

TurquoiseLemur · 29/05/2021 20:22

@Hello242

Thank you everyone. Yes I do feel loyalty towards her. I think I’m unsure of my feelings as I think she’s a little “simple” (sorry can’t think of a better word). That’s why I even feel bad being angry towards her. I don’t think she thinks before she speaks. I think I’ve been going all these years out of pity because she doesn’t really do a good job.

I wish I didn’t feel guilt all the time as I know I would advise a friend to do the same and never go again

She might or might not be "simple." (Learning disabilities?) But if she really doesn't think before she speaks, or perhaps can't, then she's in the wrong job, frankly. And she doesn't do a good job of your hair either?!

You're making excuses for her. However "simple" she is, you need to have some boundaries. If you are mouse-like generally, you really need to do something about that. Assertiveness training? Therapy? One of the many books out there about building confidence and not being a people-please. You'd feel so much better.

TurquoiseLemur · 29/05/2021 20:28

Cutting your hair badly is quite enough in itself. The hectoring and judging is worse. But the sharing of secrets (what other customers have said, what her family have told her in confidence, etc) is shocking. Totally the wrong person for a job in a hairdressing salon.

Blankspace101 · 29/05/2021 20:29

You knew what she was like and you got from her what you expected. Get a new hairdresser and move on with your life .

Ickythefirebobby · 29/05/2021 20:43

Why are you giving this woman your money.

Notaroadrunner · 29/05/2021 20:45

@Hello242

Thank you ladies. I feel better about my decision not to ever go there again and I’m glad I didn’t shout back.

How should I react if in future I bump into her and she asks why I haven’t been?

You say that your last visit was more than a little unpleasant and keep walking. I'm on my 3rd hairdresser in about 5 years now. I left the first one because he told me my home colour looked fine when it was obviously shite. Next one was just too expensive after lockdown. So I'm on to the third. If I met any of the previous ones and they even recognised me I'd say a polite hello and keep walking. Anyone who speaks to you like she did and who doesn't do a satisfactory job on your hair doesn't deserve your custom.

diamondpony80 · 29/05/2021 20:50

I wouldn't say anything either. But hairdressers are two a penny so I'd just go to someone else. I don't like to bother too much with small talk at the hairdressers. Maybe for the first five minutes or so, but after that I'd prefer to stick my head in a magazine and just be left alone while they get the job done.

Peach01 · 29/05/2021 20:51

You don't owe her an explanation either. If she's audacious enough to confront you if you see her, I would say you just tried out somewhere else. I wouldn't bother getting into a debate about how she was rude. Going by how she conducts herself it'll make it into something it's not. People change hairdressers all the time. You're paying for a service, don't pay for a service that you're not happy with. Last thing you want is to wonder how much of a drag your appointment is going to be.
Go to someone who does a good job and appreciates your custom.

MamaWeasel · 29/05/2021 20:54

The thing is, by keeping going, you are reinforcing the notion that it's ok to behave the way she does. I am glad you have decided not to go back.

If she sees you and is rude enough to ask, just say 'I've moved' and change the subject.

I once had a hairdresser who constantly told me off....I voted with my feet.

IEat · 29/05/2021 20:57

Start to stand up for yourself, don’t feel obligated

CarnationCat · 29/05/2021 21:04

React by not seeing her again. Don't rethink shouting at her/speaking your mind. She sounds unhinged. You're a paying customer and to be making you uncomfortable by shouting her opinions is not on. Just find a new hairdresser and stop being so attached to this one.

aiwblam · 29/05/2021 21:07

Do not ever go back to this nasty woman!

Bluntness100 · 29/05/2021 21:07

Good lord, what have I just read? You go to your hairdresser even though you feel she’s simple and does not do a good job and shouts at you and you need validation not to go back?

Never heard the like.

Cushionsnotpillows · 29/05/2021 21:11

Vetty wasn't nasty - just asked some pretty damn pertinent questions. Just because they make you have to reflect on yourself and think about your shortcomings, doesn't make the questions nasty. Just direct. Nowt hurts like the truth.

You need to toughen up. And figure out why you’re so desperate to please people. Changing your opinion to please her is madness.

This ^ x 1000%.

If she approaches you, just say you didn't enjoy the last experience. Or shrug and walk away. Or tell her she's rude. Frankly who cares, whichever option you choose, you never have to see her again so why does it MATTER ? Stop overthinking. Go on an assertiveness course.

Saz12 · 29/05/2021 21:28

If she did a good job but happened to have a learning disability, then so what? You’d go, because she’s there to cut your hair.

if she said something rude you’d say “I don’t want to discuss this here” or “I don’t think you should talk about other customers to me” - clear, direct, etc. People often prefer a polite but clear approach rather than a huffy “guess what you did wrong” thing.

But you don’t like how she does your hair and you don’t like how she makes you feel. Why would you pay for that???

xprincessxjanetx · 30/05/2021 00:34

I'm not one for confrontation so I would have done the same thing as you, been polite and just agreed to shut her up! But I absolutely wouldn't go to her again and if I saw her walking towards me on the street I would cross the road!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 30/05/2021 01:31

You feel sorry for her!!! I promise she'll be losing no sleep nor feeling guilt over you. I'd be taking my money elsewhere. You owe her nothing.
Its was a hair salon you were at not a police interview under caution!
The only reason some people go to hair salons is be pampered and fussed over.

Wheresmybiscuit3 · 30/05/2021 02:14

Part of the reason for going to the hairdressers is the experience. Well it is for me anyway. I get to chill out and read my book and prior to Covid drink lots of coffee.

If you aren’t getting a pampering and you are being shouted at then vote with your feet

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