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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbor with new baby

50 replies

bearess1978 · 29/05/2021 18:00

I know im being horrible. Im 43 and me and dh have being trying for a baby for 6 years ( unexplained) My lovely neighbors have just had a baby boy and im dreading them coming round with him. There nursery would be the same room i had planned ( semi detached) ive posted a card but hearing them in the garden with relatives coming to visit just makes me feel so shit and i dont want to feel like this. Even seeing baby clothes on the washing line makes my heart sink. Sorry im such a cowbag

OP posts:

shouldistop · 29/05/2021 18:03

I'm sorry op, that must be hard.

Vallmo47 · 29/05/2021 18:04

Perfectly understandable if you ask me, and I’m sure they will completely understand even if you said “I’m so so happy for you, it just makes me a bit sad it hasn’t happened for us”. Not that you have to share at all, just saying. People will understand.

ElderMillennial · 29/05/2021 18:04

You're not a cowbag OP. That sounds really difficult. Are you very friendly with the neighbours? Are they likely to come round?

colouringcrayons · 29/05/2021 18:04

That is so hard for you, I don;t think you are a cowbag.

I don;t know how you 'should' deal with it but maybe if you have a big cry about how unfair it all is and how shit it is that you haven't had a baby you will feel at least a tiny bit better?

You can make excuses for a while yet if you don;t feel up to it.

Cleverpolly3 · 29/05/2021 18:06

Don’t be so rotten on yourself
It’s totally understandable and you are not a cowbag

baldafrique · 29/05/2021 18:10

Anyone would feel the same. Totally normal feelings. I hope it happens for you soon. Hopefully they wont bring him round and you can keep a bit of distance.

Original poster

bearess1978 · 29/05/2021 18:12

Thankyou everyone your really all very kind. We are not very close just cards at xmas and chatting over the fence. It all sounds so nice next door and i think im just being silly and jealous. Im 43 so its very unlikely to happen to us now

OP posts:

billy1966 · 29/05/2021 18:15

You poor pet, that is so unbelievably painful.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal.

It must feel like your pain is being rubbed in.

Of course you will smile and be happy for them but of course privately I can really understand you wishing it wasn't right next door.

Jamjar77 · 29/05/2021 18:17

I remember coming home from the D and C after a miscarriage to realise that the neighbours on both sides were pregnant (previously knew about one but not the other). It’s really crap and please don’t feel bad for feeling how you do - it’s totally understandable 💐

AnUnoriginalUsername · 29/05/2021 18:18

I don't think anyone could judge you for finding that hard.

Maryjane3227 · 29/05/2021 18:18

That must be so painful. I really feel for you and hope you can somehow achieve your dream of becoming a parent.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 29/05/2021 18:21

It's not horrible at all. It's normal to feel that way. I'm so sorry

InDreamland · 29/05/2021 18:22

OP you're definitely not a cowbag. Your feelings are normal and natural, it's okay to feel sad for your situation. I've been there, it took 5 years to get pregnant then I had 2 miscarriages so I know all too well those feelings of sadness and jealousy seeing pregnant women and babies. Pregnancy and baby bombs are really difficult to deal with when you're struggling to conceive or stay pregnant. Don't be hard on yourself. I really hope you do get your much longed for baby

ThursdayWeld · 29/05/2021 18:24

You are not a cowbag OP [flowers}

Be kind to yourself.

Happycat1212 · 29/05/2021 18:25

She might not be round if you are not close, I didn’t visit any of my neighbours to introduce my babies to so hopefully you won’t need to worry about that

custardbear · 29/05/2021 18:28

Oohh sweetie - it's ok to feel that way- you'd be dead inside if you didn't feel those pangs. So sorry you've had 6
Years of TTC too it's horrible, I only had over 2 with each of my children.
I'm sure you get this from everyone but I tried Agnus castus and high concentrations of evening primrose oil which did actually work for us ... just sharing feel free to ignore - but good luck with your TTC

Franklyfrost · 29/05/2021 18:29

It’s going to be hard. I wouldn’t avoid them but make contact as little as can be possible while staying polite. I don’t know if this is an appropriate idea but could you treat it as a test run for being in situations around babies in the future? A bit like exposure therapy, so it feels like the pain has a purpose?

Carrottop73 · 29/05/2021 18:29

That sounds so painful and your feelings are so very understandable.

Athers666 · 29/05/2021 18:33

Gosh OP this brought a tear to my eye. You are not a cowbag in any way shape or form! Must be so incredibly difficult having no escape from it all when you're at home. So sorry you're going through this.

Marblessolveeverything · 29/05/2021 18:38

You are human and grieving for what hasn't been yet. Be kind to yourself, if your friend/sister said she felt this way don't you think you would be compassionate. We are always harder on ourselves. I hope happier days are on the way to you.

CharlotteRose90 · 29/05/2021 18:47

You are human sweetie and it’s normal to grieve and be upset. Please don’t give up though my mum had me at 44. I
Wish you well

3scape · 29/05/2021 18:47

op that sounds a natural response to what you're going through. You've done all the right things, now give yourself some space.

twinguilt · 29/05/2021 19:07

I'm sorry OP, that sounds hard - it is really hard to deal with when things are in your face. I have been in your shoes and while I literally screamed and sobbed about how unfair it was when first finding our others baby news, I actually in your circumstances found it easier to face head on and go visit/drop off a little something (or whatever it is you'd do if it didn't feel so hard) as actually the anticipation of how hard it will be is almost always worse that the reality. I'm not saying I found it easy to see tiny babies - while I was going through yet another miscarriage my friend had a baby and I cried the moment I saw her and had to leave the room to gather myself - but the dread you feel about it just builds I found. This may not help you, but it did help me in similar circumstances - I always tried to tell myself that that baby isn't my baby, it doesn't mean I can't still have my baby. Oh and I was 42 when I finally had mine, so you never know. X

Helenahandkart · 29/05/2021 19:09

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. The exact same thing has happened to me - 10 years of infertility treatment followed by both sets of neighbours getting pregnant. I’ve spent so much time crying in the garden listening to them playing with their kids. It’s the worst thing. And listening to the baby crying a few feet from our bed at night when I’m lying there with insomnia. One set of neighbours are now pregnant again so I’m trying to prepare myself for more of the same. All I can say is that I’m so sorry for you and please don’t feel bad about not being happy for them - it’s an awful thing to go through and so isolating and hard for other people to understand.

bubblebath62636 · 29/05/2021 19:15

I'm sorry op, it does seem everyone is pregnant at the moment which doesn't help.

However don't give up, I assume you've had fertility checks etc?

My stepmother fell pregnant at 50!

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