Neighbor with new baby

[bearess1978]

I know im being horrible. Im 43 and me and dh have being trying for a baby for 6 years ( unexplained) My lovely neighbors have just had a baby boy and im dreading them coming round with him. There nursery would be the same room i had planned ( semi detached) ive posted a card but hearing them in the garden with relatives coming to visit just makes me feel so shit and i dont want to feel like this. Even seeing baby clothes on the washing line makes my heart sink. Sorry im such a cowbag

Again thankyou everyone Such kind people. Charlotterose i wont give up hope

I know it’s not an option for everyone, but I know the absolute horror of infertility, and I was prepared to use donor eggs if it came to it.

My friend had donor egg twins at 50.

You have the same chance of success with donor eggs as the age of the donor.

Again, not for everyone but plenty of older women do it and the Donor Conception Network would be a good place to find more info.

Please be kind to yourself OP, you aren't a cowbag!

Took 10 years to get my dc. Your feelings are so typical of someone suffering infertility. It's so difficult, unfair and so so shit to watch others have their baby happiness whilst fearing you'll never get there.

I hope you get your baby. Plenty of people older than you do so all hope is not lost

@bubblebath62636

I'm sorry op, it does seem everyone is pregnant at the moment which doesn't help.

However don't give up, I assume you've had fertility checks etc?

My stepmother fell pregnant at 50!

This.

You're not a cowbag! I felt so similar when, after we'd been TTC for over four years, I arrived in the staff room at work to find a big tub of Celebrations left out by a colleague, announcing she was pregnant and inviting us all to celebrate. I went and cried my eyes out in my office then somehow got myself together enough to be in a meeting with her 20 mins later!

Maybe the neighbour won't pop round with the baby? I didn't with our neighbours when we eventually had DD (very unexpectedly after five years of trying) as didn't really know them very well - we were Xmas cards and hello over the fence similarly.
Good luck!

When I was trying to conceive my best friend got pregnant. I wanted to kill her!!! I feel your pain, but it won’t last x

Fertility struggles suck. I had secondary fertility issues and people assumed it wasn't too bad because we already had one child 🙄

I'm sorry it hasn't happened for you yet. Have you looked into any options for assistance?

I have children so I can’t say I know how you feel, I can only imagine how hard it is (and I bet it’s a lot harder than that). But what I will say is it’s understandable you feel this way, so please don’t beat yourself up over it.

You're not being silly and you're not being a cow x you need to be kinder to yourself xx

That sounds so hard. Fertility issues are such a struggle. I don’t want to sound trite or ridiculous, but when we were struggling to conceive I held my friends newborn, had a good little cuddle and conceived the next month. I don’t know if it helped but I like to think it did. Good luck

Absolutely know how you feel. I'm lucky enough to have had children following years of fertility treatment, but I used to feel absolutely horrendous every time I heard a pregnancy announcement.

I found it easier to get ahead of it and told practically everyone that I was struggling to conceive. They were usually really understanding once they knew. Maybe drop off a wee card? and try to pop into conversation that you wish it could happen for you. Hopefully they will take the hint and give you as much space as they can.

My best friend didn't come to my dc's christening because it was hard for her as she was going through the same thing. Everyone including me understood. It's completely normal. Please don't feel guilty and I hope you have your wishes soon...

Sorry you feel like this. I’ve been through the same and been on infertility forums on here for years. I think my previous name was gin and tonic something maybe 3. I went through years of IUI and IVF it all failed. We were also unexplained. I was waiting to start my next round of ivf (at ARGC) and was told to wait for day 1 of cycle (so when period next comes). I waited and waited for period to come and it didn’t as I was pregnant! So my point is it can happen for you. All I did different that month was this: I did acupuncture, reflexology, had macca powder and spirulina smoothis every morning. I also listened to a YouTube video on wave frequency to get pregnant. Obviously It won’t work fir everyone but I was close in age to what you are now when I got pregnant so it can happen for you. I’m trying to find the blog I read the month I became pregnant but don’t think it exists anymore. Goodluck and I hope it happens really soon for you

Don't give up hope - it will be hard for you, unbearable some days but above all don't give up hope

One thing I was told years ago was to stay away from coffee, that it was not good for trying to conceive and holding onto a pregnancy..
I gave it up and held onto my next two pregnancies.

We were trying for a baby for around 4-6 years. Started off not trying not to then I started to get worried so we tried. DD is 8 and we've never managed to have another so I do understand but don't give up hope. I thought it would never happen and it did.

YABU you don’t know their situation or how long they’ve tried for this baby.

You are not a cowbag OP and you are not horrible. You are a human being dealing with a hugely emotional, traumatic situation and your feelings are totally understandable. The scenario you have described will be hard for you. It would be hard for anyone going through infertility. Please be kind to yourself

You are most definitely not a cowbag. I was very lucky to eventually have a daughter but before her I lost a baby and quite frankly I hated anyone who announced a pregnancy because I was so bitter and jealous. I think it's a very natural reaction.

Completely natural to feel that way. Don't give up hope. X

@bearess1978- I understand the pain. I too am 43 and TTC 11yrs. 3 losses, 2 rounds of IVF and no cause for sub-fertility found. Its hard, but if this is affecting your day to day life so much, have you considered talking to someone about it? GP, sands or an infertility support group? CBT? You certainly aren't alone, but speaking to someone might help you move forward

You are not a horrible person it’s completely natural.

It’s an odd feeling, you aren’t not happy for them but you are more sad for yourself is the easiest way I explained after a miscarriage and a friend fell pregnant. I distanced myself and explained which they completely understood but that’s a bit harder with a neighbour.

I’m so sorry you are going through this! You are a nice person, it’s nothing you have done and it’s ok to put yourself and feeling ms first

That’s sad op. You’re not a cow bag, it just really difficult for you. Hope you’re ok xx

I wouldn't tell your neighbour about your own struggle. You aren't close and it can make things more awkward. Covid is the perfect excuse to not spend much time around a newborn. You could drop a card round so you are in control of the meeting. Fingers crossed for you Op, I'm also someone who had a dc in her 40s, keep hoping