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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you RSVP to a party invitation quickly?

77 replies

IanHBuckells · 29/05/2021 13:46

DD's birthday party is 26th June. Handed 15 invitations out at school on Tuesday- only 1 RSVP so far.

The venue needs confirmation of numbers - and a minimum of 10 kids- by 12th June so thought I'd left loads of time to then invite a few of the reserve list of more than 5 couldn't make it that sounds mean but we couldn't afford 20 to come if we invited all at once and everyone said yes!

...now I'm wondering if I'm unique in RSVP'ing as soon as I pull the invitation out of the school bag; we're either free or we're not or we just don't want to go.--

AIBU to ask how quickly you respond to a kids party invitation? --

OP posts:

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 29/05/2021 15:32

YANBU. Unless it's something like a party at home or a cinema trip etc, if it's a party venue like soft play or trampolining it's kind of obvious that it has to be booked and paid for in advance and that its going to be difficult if people respond or rock up at the last minute

Do you have the parents numbers to chase them

pheasantsinlove · 29/05/2021 15:34

YABU as you have not put an RSVP date on the invite and so how are they supposed to know that you have a deadline? Just drop a text to each parent saying "sorry forgot to write on invite, need rsvp bu 10th June as have to pay deposit venue".

LushHeaven · 29/05/2021 15:36

I always RSVP fairly quickly, as I'd hope people would do for us. However over the years I've found most people respond in the week leading up to the party. Had several on the day of the party and a few even turn up who hadn't responded at all. However the one I found the rudest was mum of a child invited who had said they would be there, child didnt turn up. Saw the mum at an activity a week later and she told me her husband had decided he couldn't be bothered to take the 4 year old to my dd's party and when she got home and found out she asked him if he'd let me know and he hadn't. She said she was really angry at him, but clearly not angry enough just to drop me a message to let me know!

Checkingout811 · 29/05/2021 15:40

I reply on the day I receive them so I don’t forget 😂

2klightyears · 29/05/2021 16:27

Personally, I'd reply quickly (even without a specified date). But I know a few people who just reply at last minute, or text just before them come. I 've not done it, but the idea of "reply by certain date" makes a lot of sense I think.

KikiniBamalam · 29/05/2021 16:29

Blimey, cool your jets. I’m afraid your party will be low priority for some. They might be planning a weekend away to visit family or any number of things. When they know I’m sure you will but it’s hardly last minute.

Comefromaway · 29/05/2021 16:36

I would not have been able to reply so quickly.

I used to work Saturdays so would have needed to check whether dh was also working or whether grandparents were able to take my child instead. They in turn would need to check whether or not they were also looking after my brothers kids that day too.

Vodkaandballoon · 29/05/2021 16:41

Have you been here long op?. Its a mumsnet classic. If the party is Jun 26th then expect a few replies in the 2 days before , several text messages morning of & a few who will turn up on the day with 2 or 3 siblings in tow.

DeRigueurMortis · 29/05/2021 16:43

A while since that phase for me, but yes, I always replied promptly - even on rare occasions where I had to say "I can't give you a decision now but will be able to next Thursday" (and obviously doing so when the time came.

I have to say that sentiment wasn't always reciprocated though!

Tbh everyone knows how much hassle a child's party is to organise and knowing the numbers (for food, party bags, entertainment etc) is pretty fundamental - so why so many people don't respond promptly is beyond me actually a lie. Nearly all the people shit at responding were the worst at complaining when it happened in reverse. Essentially it's down to being self absorbed and only bothered about being inconvenienced when it's happening to you.

melj1213 · 29/05/2021 16:45

Yabu - if you have a set date that you need to have responses by then you need to set a clear RSVP date.

Additionally it is only 5 days since you have out the invitations. Not everyone's schedule is as simple as "we are busy or we aren't" and can reply immediately. My DD spends every other week with her dad so I'd first have to work out where DD would be at the Time and then either check my schedule or pass on the info to ExDH so he could check his schedule and rsvp. In my house I often don't get home till late so if DD received an invitation on Tuesday I wouldn't have received it until late evening so I wouldn't have even thought about dealing with it until Wednesday and that is before even looking at the logistics.

Shodan · 29/05/2021 16:50

I used to allow a week, in my head, before I started fretting.

The request to RSVP never used to require a set date to reply by, I'm sure- that only came about when people were too rude to reply fairly promptly, and was supposed to nudge them into having manners. Now, it seems, if you don't put a date for them to reply by then it's your fault they have no manners...

user7836 · 29/05/2021 16:51

Rookie error not to put an RSVP date on.

GrapefruitGin · 29/05/2021 16:52

Next time, give a RSVP by deadline! You’ve left it open for people to assume when is acceptable to rsvp.

Hankunamatata · 29/05/2021 17:35

Been through this with 3 kids. You have to put a date to RSVP on by as some parents wont message until the day before. Thank god most mine are by what's app group now which makes things 10× easier

newnortherner111 · 29/05/2021 17:51

@DeRigueurMortis so true.

Elverybaby · 29/05/2021 18:22

Definitely need to text everyone a RSVP date, I probably wouldn't RSVP until 20th. And that would be early for some.

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 29/05/2021 18:27

If you need an rsvp by a certain date to confirm numbers then you need to actually put that date on the invitations. People could rsvp the weekend before, bear in mind it’s the first weekend after restrictions open people could be possibly planning family outings etc.

What I never understand is people who put rsvp dates but then badger you for them weeks before hand. A friend is have a wedding party (married during lockdown) and did this. 3 weeks before the rsvp date, pleading for people to return them because she needed to book transport to hotels and accommodation. We’d only had the invite a week and she didn’t even supply a stamp to return (and we hadn’t been anywhere to get a bloody stamp).

LittleOwl153 · 29/05/2021 18:29

I think you may be falling foul of people awaiting the next announcement if restrictions as things are due to change just before your party aren't they which will make a difference as some people will have other priorities the first weekend after things change - assuming they do! (And assuming you are in England!)

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/05/2021 18:37

@Thingsthatgo

My DD came home with lots of party invitations this week. She wants to attend them all. It is taking a while to work out the logistics of getting her to and from the parties because I am at work when they are on. She is 6, and not one of the invitations state whether they expect parents to stay or not (why don’t people just write it on the invitation??).

I wouldn’t expect to stay for a 6yr school friend party

That’s your free 2hrs or so 😂

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/05/2021 18:38

Def need a rsvp date

Macncheeseballs · 29/05/2021 18:38

I do stuff like that on a whats app group, easier to gauge who's in and who's out

ThursdayWeld · 29/05/2021 18:40

It's not even June yet!

Moonlaserbearwolf · 29/05/2021 18:52

I think it’s a bit soon to be fretting about people not replying. Especially as you’ve invited people to a children’s party on the first Saturday after covid restrictions are supposedly going to be lifted. 26th June is a crazy date - there are SO many things happening. I could be in at least 5 different places that day. Families might be trying to work out logistics.

luckylavender · 29/05/2021 18:58

It's all about timing I think. The invitations went out too soon and during half term they'll get forgotten.

Starlightstarbright1 · 29/05/2021 19:05

I personally wouldn't rsvp that far away currently.. I am currently catching up with family, friends and might prioratise a close friend but not just someone in his class.

Its also a but of a weird date in the sense we really don't know what restrictions will be in place by then.

My ds is a teen so not an issue I have to deal with but I would say previously much more able to plan.

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