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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To beg social services to do something

66 replies

Realitea · 28/05/2021 21:09

I live in a posh area and nearby, there’s a young woman who is extremely mentally unwell. Her dh has left recently. Her children are not getting to school. They’re not being fed proper meals. The mother leaves them with whoever she can pay/bribe to watch them for her, usually cleaners. Her live in house staff have all left as they can’t take it anymore. She cannot put anyone’s needs before her own. She doesn’t work but always has ‘important calls’ to make.
She’s taking many prescription drugs.
The crisis team have visited, social services have visited, the police have visited. (Police are very regular now) Nothing is being done. It’s getting worse. The children are now trying to get into my house or the mother bangs on the door pushing them through telling me she’s desperate as she has such important business to attend to. I’m working from home and it’s causing major disruption. Tonight I broke - I told her this is unacceptable and she must get help. It falls on deaf ears. Why aren’t any authorities doing anything? Is it because it’s clear she has money? Why haven’t any authorities actually gone in her house? She always persuades them to speak outside. Because the house is disgusting inside. At least there are cleaners going in now. I just feel I can’t take any more. I hate seeing the children suffer like this but the more we help the less likely it is she will get help I think. Also she’s accused a couple of neighbours of very serious crimes and I’m worried if I get too helpful/involved she might turn on me and I’ll get accused of something next.
Another neighbour got a text last night asking if she would put her children to bed for her! We’ve got our own children, it’s very hard to manage all this.

OP posts:
LindyLou2020 · 29/05/2021 09:29

@Realitea

I know, I am going to stop going to the door now. I’m too bloody nice. I assumed it was a parcel delivery as they always come at that time but it wasn’t! *@LindyLou2020* thanks for your reply, just wondering what would happen if the neighbour refused the help offered, what would happen there? Whenever anyone tries to talk to her about getting help for her mental health she gets really angry As for the father, there is a lot more to the case there. I can’t say for fear of outing myself. He hasn’t said no though. He legally can’t go near them
@Realitea....... I left social work in the 90's, and several PP's have remarked that the bar for statutory agencies' intervention in situations like this is now very high. Whether this is because of cuts in services due to "austerity", I don't know, ('though I suspect it is), and I am obviously out of touch with more or less everything to do with social work. But these children are at risk, and, to be fair, Social Services may be working with the mother in ways that you are unaware of as someone on the outside. But I would have been in serious trouble had I been this family's social worker and allowed the situation to become this bad, but of course I'm talking about the 90's, not now. I would agree with other PP's and keep reporting, please, that's all you can do.
Realitea · 29/05/2021 09:53

I will do. Thanks Lindy.

OP posts:
vivainsomnia · 29/05/2021 09:53

Keeping a diary is a very good idea. It could really help when it goes to court.

DeathByWalkies · 29/05/2021 10:00

This is absolutely awful Sad

I know, I am going to stop going to the door now. I’m too bloody nice. I assumed it was a parcel delivery as they always come at that time but it wasn’t!

Could you get a video doorbell (e.g. Ring?)

BornInAUFO · 29/05/2021 10:15

I knew someone similar, I reported multiple times. But she was young, pretty, rich and had a posh accent. So nothing was ever done. I assumed it was because she could afford very good lawyers, and would look/sound perfectly normal if she wanted to

malikaqi · 29/05/2021 10:19

Could you take children in and call police / SS as you are concerned for their / her safety?

bunburyscucumbersandwich · 29/05/2021 11:13

Do you know what school they go to? Maybe a call to their safeguarding lead would help push SS into action?

Branleuse · 29/05/2021 11:22

social services barely help people who literally beg them for help, so ...

PuppyMonkey · 29/05/2021 11:32

Her children are not getting to school.

School are no doubt already aware of this family and following up, I'm guessing. Report to SS every single time they are dumped at your house.

mindutopia · 29/05/2021 12:35

Do you know what school the children go to? I would ring them and speak to the safeguarding lead. It may help them connect some dots if they have a better idea of what is going on at home. I would also ring the police if the children are at your house and say that she has abandoned them there because she is having a mental health crisis and ask them to assist the children.

Beautiful3 · 29/05/2021 13:02

Think I'd call the police every time, she knocked with the children. If she left them with me after I'd said no, I'd call the police and explain they've been abandoned. They will log it with sw every time, so you won't have to.

ApolloandDaphne · 29/05/2021 13:05

I would take the children in then call the police to say she has left them with you and you cannot care for them.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 29/05/2021 13:09

You take the children in and you could be stuck with them until they sort something out and you are legally responsible. Just no. Simple, don't answer the door to her. If you have no spy hole, then 'Who's there please?' If it's her then you tell her she needs to go away or you're calling the police and then bloody do it. They won't act until people stop enabling her.

gamerchick · 29/05/2021 13:10

@ApolloandDaphne

I would take the children in then call the police to say she has left them with you and you cannot care for them.
This and the other posts on this thread.

When she dumps the kids on you, ring the police and tell them she's abandoned them and they need to be collected. Or drop them off at your local police station. Poor things need someone to step in OP.

Realitea · 29/05/2021 13:13

I’m sure the school are aware as the amount of absences and lateness will have been noticed. I think they went once last week and were an hour late.
It is abandonment if I’ve said no and they’re just left with me. Things are really going up a gear now and the knocks on the door are multiple times a day despite me saying we are busy.

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 29/05/2021 13:26

The father legally can't take them? Does that mean he is also a danger to them? A court has determined he cannot take his children?

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 29/05/2021 13:40

@Milesbennettdyson

Yes it’s police you need. Social services cannot remove a child without a court order. Police can do emergency police protection (I can’t remember if it’s 48 or 72 hours) which by the time that expires the local authority usually has then been to court to get an appropriate order (usually an interim care order or a section 20)
Section 20 isn't a care order It would be an emergency protection order
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 29/05/2021 13:44

Nobody knows whether they already have child protection plans on these children. If the children are at risk of IMMEDIATE harm then call the police, instantly.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 29/05/2021 13:45

What do you mean OP when you say that you say no but they are left with you? Hard I know but when you see it’s her just say o you can’t help and shut the door. If she leaves the, on the doorstep call the police, that’s the only way something is going to get done.

MoesBar · 29/05/2021 13:49

Why is the father legally banned from taking them?

Realitea · 29/05/2021 13:55

I don’t really want to say as it’s an allegation made against him so I assume it’s temporary until it’s been to court
@Keepingthingsinteresting I mean they’re left on my doorstep and she walks off.

OP posts:
lljkk · 29/05/2021 13:58

Not a movie or book plot, then?

Nat6999 · 29/05/2021 14:13

You & anyone else locally need to report to social services at the same time, if there are several reports then surely they must get involved.

waitingforthenextseason · 29/05/2021 14:17

Keep calling the police/social services every single time. Tell everyone else to do the same.

Noshowlomo · 29/05/2021 14:28

Best advice above op- phone the police and say kids have been abandoned with you and the mother said she can’t have them

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