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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler thrown rocks at. I lost it!

55 replies

Asia98 · 28/05/2021 19:33

Was I unreasonable?

Went to a picnic spot (I live abroad so no lockdown here). DS (2 years old) was playing with sand next to us and a child ( girl 6) came and started throwing rocks close by. Her mother was sitting by, saw and said nothing. Her daughter continued and I asked the mother if she could intervene. The mother just looked at me and turned away. Daughter still throws rocks- I move DS away, her daughter follows and continues. I asked her to stop. She starts laughing and does it more. Her mum sees says nothing. I sit DS next to me in highchair - her daughter continues and hits my back and then I completely lost it and yelled at the mum. She starts crying picks up her daughter and then says her daughter has learning difficulties and that I and others are cruel and that they are treated like this everywhere they go! I explain to her nicely that she could have told me this but her not saying anything or intervening just made me think she was lazy and unbothered.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 28/05/2021 19:35

Learning difficulties doesn't mean you get to be a crap disinterested parent.

RandomMess · 28/05/2021 19:36

It wasn't ok for her to not intervene when her child was throwing things at people (or animals). You had asked pleasantly to intervene and she should have.

StoneofDestiny · 28/05/2021 19:36

Learning difficulties - no excuse for parent allowing violent behaviour. Maybe throw rocks at the parent and they will get the message loud and clear that rock throwing is dangerous.

eatsleepread · 28/05/2021 19:37

YANBU!

Pasteque · 28/05/2021 19:38

She was lazy and unbothered! My nephew has severe learning difficulties, we don't let him throw rocks at people. Some things can't be controlled, that can. YWNBU at all op.

Babbly · 28/05/2021 19:39

There's not one single learning difficulty that means you're allowed to throw rocks at people. There's no learning difficulty that means the mother shouldn't have stepped in. If she had learning difficulties then she might not understand not to do it but then her mother needs to move her away, not just allow her to do it. This attitude of "I don't have to parent because my child has learning difficulties" or "my child is allowed to hurt other children because they have learning difficulties" is increasingly common and it's completely unacceptable. It causes untold damage to parents who are actually trying to appropriately parent their children who have difficulties.

Wearywithteens · 28/05/2021 19:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
Asia98 · 28/05/2021 19:39

Thank you all! I have been feeling down as I would never want to make a mum cry but I just completely lost it eventually. Others in picnic site then came by and said they saw and all was asking why her mum didnt get involved too. It was just a horrible day

OP posts:
Original poster
Asia98 · 28/05/2021 19:41

Oh she also said she was just about to warn her child when I lost the plot?? But I waited nearly 20 minutes - warned her and her dd several times, move DS away twice and she didnt utter a word.

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 28/05/2021 19:43

She was lazy and disinterested.

You protected your family.

Babbly · 28/05/2021 19:44

@Asia98

Thank you all! I have been feeling down as I would never want to make a mum cry but I just completely lost it eventually. Others in picnic site then came by and said they saw and all was asking why her mum didnt get involved too. It was just a horrible day
The fact she cried is irrelevant to be honest, you're not responsible for her being a hysterical cow. You behaved rationally and reasonably.
Ellpellwood · 28/05/2021 19:47

Don't feel bad, at all. I'd have lost it at both of them after stone number 2 and probably bellowed that I didn't give 2 shits what her excuse was, you don't throw allow your child to throw rocks at children. Especially ones who are basically babies and don't understand to move away.

Horehound · 28/05/2021 19:48

Yeh she's unreasonable and was it even true or is she just saying that to get you off her back?
Because it seems like the girl understood you and wanted to do it more :s

Strange behaviour with the mother turning away.
I was on a walk with DS and DH a few days ago and we came across five little kiddies walking towards us, hands in the air. I wondered what they were doing and then all of a sudden they launched these rocks. Landed a couple of feet Infront of us but I wasn't sure if they were aiming at us or just throwing them and happened to be near us. But then they ran, collected the stones and lobbed them again and one of the stones almost hit one of the kids in that group.
I just said sternly "don't throw rocks at people" and walked on and one of the parents was just smiling and calling her boys name but just to make sure he wasn't running off.
It was bizarre and I just thought "you're a shit parent".
If it had hit the other kid it would have knocked him out!

Wearywithteens · 28/05/2021 19:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

AlmostSummer21 · 28/05/2021 19:50

Try not to give it another thought.

Parenting children with SEN can be incredibly difficult & it's very hard being 'on' practically 24/7 however it's not on to let your DC throw rocks at people.

If it was a two minute thing while the mum hit up and came over to her DD, still not ideal, but I could cope with it, a parent seeing it & doing nothing- no way!!

I am unbothered telling off other peoples children, so she's have got asked once, then TOLD very firmly with increasing firmness. If the SEN isn't obvious then parent have to accept their children being treat the same as NT children if they don't deal with the situation. I'm not beyond physically removing children either.

YOU did nothing wrong, it's all on her

SummerHouse · 28/05/2021 19:50

I have been in a kind of similar situation. Only this was a man. Instead of intervening, his mum just stood back while he stared ripping my till apart as I had refused to serve him. I still feel guilty for my part and frustrated that she could have explained. But I hadn't walked a day in her shoes so maybe she did what she had to. You were not unreasonable but I guess maybe forgive her.

misspattylacosta · 28/05/2021 19:53

Babies have been killed by idiots throwing rocks. If the child is too young to understand, the parents should actually ... parent and teach them no!

You have done nothing wrong and have been a lot more patient and friendly than most people would have been

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 28/05/2021 19:56

I'm sure the mum is probably exhausted with dealing with her daughters behaviours day in day out, I don't think you 'made her cry', I suspect her situation made her cry. None of that is your concern however and you were not being in any way unreasonable to expect her to intervene and prevent her daughter from throwing rocks. Nothing at all makes that an ok thing to do.

Mylittlepony374 · 28/05/2021 20:02

Some parents are just dicks. I was in a park once, with my son (who happens to be autistic) and a young boy came over pushed my son over, grabbed his car toy and ran. I couldn't see a parent watching so I stood in front of the kid, sternly said "give that back now, we don't snatch toys". All of a sudden a parent appeared yelling at me about how her son is autistic and do I not have any empathy for parents of children with disability, who the fuck do I think I am telling her son off etc etc.
I just felt sorry for her son to be honest.
Even if the girl throwing rocks did have learning disability that's no excuse for that behavior and if her mum wasn't managing it in a public place YANBU to do what you did. I wouldn't worry about it at all.

OneMamaAndHerGirl · 28/05/2021 20:04

I’d of threw the rock that hit you at the mother Smile having a child with learning disabilities does not give you the right to turn a blind eye at dangerous behaviour. You asked her to intervene and she ignored you, good on you for standing up for yourself!

sst1234 · 28/05/2021 20:06

@BewareTheBeardedDragon

I'm sure the mum is probably exhausted with dealing with her daughters behaviours day in day out, I don't think you 'made her cry', I suspect her situation made her cry. None of that is your concern however and you were not being in any way unreasonable to expect her to intervene and prevent her daughter from throwing rocks. Nothing at all makes that an ok thing to do.
No her lazy ass attitude and refusal to intervene made her cry. Let’s not blame the situation.
WellLarDeDar · 28/05/2021 20:14

Learning disabilities = parents need to make an extra effort to help their children understand throwing rocks at people is NOT okay. Doesn't mean a free pass to sit by while your kid throws rocks at people. Honestly she was in the wrong! Makes me wonder how parents expect their kids with special needs to get by if they won't make the effort to teach them how to behave. If I had a disabled kid I would put in so much effort to help the kid understand how to behave in case something happened to me or DH and they had to get by on their own. Doing F all while they throw rocks at people is not going to help equip them with the skills they need to navigate life. Honestly. Some people. You were NBU OP.

georgarina · 28/05/2021 20:22

The mum is out of her mind just ignoring the bad behaviour then blaming learning difficulties.

If that's the case you apologise and explain and redirect the child just as you would with a nt child.

One of my siblings is autistic so I speak from experience.

lottiegarbanzo · 28/05/2021 20:25

Well done for yelling at the mother, rather than the child.

Protecting children's safety is the one reason it's always ok and the right thing to do, to intervene. Be that by addressing the child or the parent, in the moment. Responsibility always lies with the parent though.

Boo36363 · 28/05/2021 20:26

My children have learning difficulties. They are often unpredictable but I would not act this way as a parent. If my children were annoying another parent and child (let's face it was annoying!) I would try my best to remove them from the situation and encourage them to play elsewhere! I wouldn't just sit there doing nothing! Throwing rocks is not okay even for a child with sen!

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