Toddler thrown rocks at. I lost it!

[Asia98]

Was I unreasonable?

Went to a picnic spot (I live abroad so no lockdown here). DS (2 years old) was playing with sand next to us and a child ( girl 6) came and started throwing rocks close by. Her mother was sitting by, saw and said nothing. Her daughter continued and I asked the mother if she could intervene. The mother just looked at me and turned away. Daughter still throws rocks- I move DS away, her daughter follows and continues. I asked her to stop. She starts laughing and does it more. Her mum sees says nothing. I sit DS next to me in highchair - her daughter continues and hits my back and then I completely lost it and yelled at the mum. She starts crying picks up her daughter and then says her daughter has learning difficulties and that I and others are cruel and that they are treated like this everywhere they go! I explain to her nicely that she could have told me this but her not saying anything or intervening just made me think she was lazy and unbothered.

That’s terrible. My DD has a learning disability and loves to throw things at people but in those circs I would be watching her like a hawk and would intervene before a single rock was thrown.

@Disfordarkchocolate

Learning difficulties doesn't mean you get to be a crap disinterested parent.

Hear hear!!!

Having a child with special needs is absolutely exhausting. That doesn't mean you can just let your child throw rocks at toddlers (or anyone else). There is no excuse for the mum not intervening apart from she couldn't be bothered.
I think I'd have lost it a lot earlier and I wouldn't have let her use the excuse that she's got special needs. So has my child, she's never thrown rocks at anyone and if she had I'd have dealt with it straight away.

Her excuse is bollocks. I have an autistic daughter but I wouldn't just sit by and watch her throw rocks at people.

100% YANBU

What on earth does a child having LD have to do with the parent doing nothing while their child throws rocks at a toddler?

The woman was being ridiculous and extremely unreasonable.

they are treated like this everywhere they go!

That’s because her daughter throws rocks at babies! What on earth does she expect?

YANBU. She can’t just abdicate responsibility for her child, this is the case especially if she has learning difficulties or special needs.

The mother's behaviour doesn't make sense. My eldest has SN/ASD and he was a very unpredictable small child who acted impulsively. The last thing you want in that situation is for them to hurt someone else - you're usually on high alert and ready to take evasive action in an eyeblink. Unless she is very depressed, in which case they could both use a bit of help . YANBU , OP.

You did the right thing. How will a child with learning difficulties, or any child for that matter, learn unless they are taught? No wonder they are treated in this way as it appears the mother seems not to be teaching her daughter how to behave. All the best OP, it really is not your fault xx

She sounds like a dreadful parent and she obviously needs to watch and monitor her daughter’s behaviour more closely in public. I think you were patient actually, I’d have flipped after the second throw

She was a twat Especially trying to shame you by using LD no wonder she get treat like that everywhere you go .

Kids with LD can naughty just like every other kid . if it was the case that LD caused the issue then she should be more aware and control the situation .

Yanbu and i say thay as a mum of a boy with asd who would do similar. I keep him away from other children because of it. Its shit but its what i have to do. Hope dc is ok

Having learning difficulties is no excuse for being a little shit. The mother should have distracted her child or removed her from the situation. Well done you for speaking up, I don’t blame you at all.

YANBU. The child may well have learning difficulties which mean that she cannot understand that it's wrong to throw rocks at people, however, that doesn't make it ok and her mum is responsible for her.

If she was my child, as soon as she threw rocks, I would have apologised, explained that she had learning difficulties and then moved her away.

YANB OP but I'm wondering what the 'rocks' were like. Are we talking massive boulders here ? Just trying to get a sense of the situation

I probably wouldn't have waited that long OP. Back when mine were small I was the mother that would always step in. If a kid is throwing sand near my kids I tell them not to throw sand in a stern voice. If a kid is refusing to allow my kid on the roundabout I physically stop it and slow my child in too. I don't give a shit what parents think about me or my actions. If they're kids behaviour is affecting my children I'm always going to step in. You did the right thing.

You did the right thing. Not every parent or child is just going to sit back quietly and let her throw rocks at them. She needs to learn to control her child better.

I'd say the girl didn't have learning difficulties but the woman knew that by saying it it would make you look mean.

Having learning difficulties isn’t an excuse for attacking people. The mum is responsible for making sure she doesn’t injure anyone. She should have stopped her and moved her away. If the mum can’t ensure the child is safe to be around the general public then she needs to seek professional support.

Sorry, LD is not an excuse.

YANBU and that useless lump of a mother needed a good bollocking.

You are definitely 100% NBU! The mum should have intervened the first time a stone was thrown.

Learning difficulties doesn’t equate to someone else being on the end of violent behaviour. I have friends with children on the spectrum etc and they wouldn’t allow this behaviour...or would at least put space between their child and you (eg)

Yanbu at all
I work with children with learning disabilities and in absolutely no circumstances would I accept this behaviour or use LD as an excuse

This attitude of "I don't have to parent because my child has learning difficulties" or "my child is allowed to hurt other children because they have learning difficulties" is increasingly common

It really isn't.

@Babbly

There's not one single learning difficulty that means you're allowed to throw rocks at people. There's no learning difficulty that means the mother shouldn't have stepped in. If she had learning difficulties then she might not understand not to do it but then her mother needs to move her away, not just allow her to do it. This attitude of "I don't have to parent because my child has learning difficulties" or "my child is allowed to hurt other children because they have learning difficulties" is increasingly common and it's completely unacceptable. It causes untold damage to parents who are actually trying to appropriately parent their children who have difficulties.

I don't know any parents with children who have SEN that don't parent their children. I don't know any that would allow their child to hurt others. Usually parents who's children have SEN are more involved (not always) because we have to watch our children carefully and intervene straight away. Please don't tar us all with the same brush.