To just think I’ll do it all on my own f*** everyone else

[Notyourfirstrodeo]

AIBU to just not bother with anyone, and see who actually bothers with me? Has anyone else felt this way and done this?
I’m constantly trying to arrange things to do with friends and DCs just to get let down or people being flakey on me.
I’m not close to any of my family and I’m a single parent so often feel very isolated anyway. As a way of dealing with this I’m always reaching out to friends, helping them out etc and I really don’t feel it’s reciprocated.
I feel really alone and I don’t know if this is making me feel worse.
It’s half term school holidays now, I feel like we should go do our own thing just the 4 of us. Plan things for everyday so I’m not stuck for things to do and not have the stress of worrying about other people.
For context I have horrendous anxiety and often feel I can’t cope on my own and need someone else there for support or even just the company.
I feel it may give me a bit more confidence knowing that I can do these things on my own.
So, AIBU to just not bother trying to reach out to so called friends to go are just going to flake on me last minute and see who actually bothers trying to reach out to me?
Or is this incredibly selfish?

Not selfish at all. I think right now not everyone is into getting out and about in groups, a lot are still being cautious or keeping to themselves. It’s going to take a while before everyone embraces that sense of freedom. Good on you for asking them, you did your bit.

sometimes people want to do things without kids - imo you need to make some friends that dont involve kids

Don't have any answers really, but totally understand where you're coming from. People are weird. Definitely put yourself first.

@brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I didn’t see any friends for ages during restrictions then when things lifted I saw 2 of my friends once or twice and I assumed everyone was just glad to be getting out again.
But yeah I’ve asked, I’ll just wait to see if anyone makes an effort first I guess
@Custardo Agreed! I plan to get my life back once DC 3 goes to school in September and making friends without kids is part of the plan
@Cyranosbestie People are weird, I just have terrible anxiety and taking the kids out on my own is part of it. I always feel I need some support I know I need to be less reliant on people

You are not BU. Stop worrying about them and do your own thing. It’ll work itself out with your friends if it’s supposed to. And if not, sod’em

I definitely think you need to focus on getting out on your own with the kids.

Is it obvious that you need support when you out? I'm just wondering if that is putting people off?

@NCtitleofyoursextape Thanks, it’s kind of what I wanted to hear.

@user1471457751 No, I wouldn’t have thought so.
It’s not because DC are hard to handle or anything i just have generalised anxiety which is really bad. I just feel I need someone else around because I basically have no confidence

How about doing the things with people who want to do them, rather than with your friends?

Eg if you want to go running, join a running club. Want to take the toddler swimming, go to a parent and toddler swim session. Want to go to the park cafe for cake, see if there’s something on Facebook or Meet Up (does that still exist?).

I have operated on the 'two asks and I'm out" rule for quite a few years. I'll make two suggestions of activity, accepting that not everything is to everyone's taste, then the balls in their court. I don't chase to see them. I don't have many friends. But the ones I have I am confident that they actually want to be in my company and don't feel pressured.

Friendships aren't all meant to be life long. Some are just 'for the summer'.

My favourite bit of raising my DS alone was doing stuff just the two of us. Whatever he was into we did! We went to museums, shopping, holidays.

If you do stuff it will increase your confidence until it becomes second nature. You will also bond closely with your DC

I've decided to do this with my "family" as they seem to organise things that I am never part of - I've no idea why and am torn between asking why or not giving them the satisfaction of knowing it upsets me.

Tbh the only time I'm likely to meet up with most of them will be at relatives' funerals. I've decided to spend my time with friends and people who actually appreciated me.

Plan some nice outings on your own. Then wait for the chorus of, "Why didn't you ask me? I'd have come!". It's so much easier to get out and about without making arrangements around other people.

You need to find a way to do things as a family unit. I get it, I only have the one but I’m a lone parent and also have anxiety. However, if I relied on always having others there I would never do anything. People have their own lives. It’s not that we don’t see family and friends but I’ll happily take her away on holiday or days out just the two of us.

@DavidTheDog yeah I used to do all that before COVID. Swimming lessons, toddler groups etc. I’m just talking about making plans with friends because I want to see my friends and DC love hanging out with friends.

@Mmmcheese89 that’s a good rule, I’ll remind myself of it in future

@user1471538283 I love that. I used to feel like that when it was just DC1 and I but then I had 2 more DC and anxiety got worse and worse.

It so much easier planning your own stuff and not involving others - go for it!

@RaraRachael I feel this, I rarely talk to my family, I’ve stopped chasing and they never get in contact only my sister when she wanted childcare

Notyourfirstrodeo my problems got worse after my divorce. I didn't bother still keeping in contact with XH's family - why would I? But he still sends Xmas cards to mine and turns up at their funerals etc.

The annoying thing is that they seem to include him in things and exclude me - and I've no idea why

I see him as being needy and thinking he's more popular with them. It used to bother me but I couldn't care less now.

I’m just talking about making plans with friends because I want to see my friends and DC love hanging out with friends.

I was thinking that you need new friends, ones who actually like doing the things you want to do.

@DavidTheDog oh I see. Yeah I probably do.
I plan on getting out more once all DC are in school, hopefully I make some new friends along the way

@RaraRachael To me it seems crazy how family can be so shit. I mean “family is everything”
I honestly hope my DC all remain close and support each when they’re older.

Just do your own thing. That's what I do and it's really made life much better.