Anyone have a child with zero interests?

[IfIHaveToTellYouAgain]

DS (5 and a half) is really starting to concern me. He’s been this way since he was a baby so I put it down to age previously, but he’s getting no better as he gets older.
He has no interest in anything. Or, to put it a different way, he is interested in everything but can’t focus on anything for more than 5 minutes at a time.
Some examples:

1. He doesn’t really play. When he’s at home and unsupervised, he will tip out a box of toys, look at a few of them and then tip out another box of toys, and so on until I eventually tell him he needs to stop and tidy up. If he is supervised he wants me to run the play, so I have to make up the storylines or we play structured things like board games, which can hold his attention for a bit longer but only if he’s playing with me, not with his sister. If we play with play doh or Lego or something like that, he will just stack blocks/roll out and watch me make something then decide he wants to swap so he can have whatever I’ve made. Sometimes I allow this, sometimes I tell him he has to make his own, he just says no unless I do it step by step with him, then he can do it.
2. He can read (is very good at it) but will only do it if I’m with him.
3. He loves going out and doing things ie. park/farm/beach/play centres. I know he likes them because he gets excited about doing them and says he loves it. But...

At the park, he might go on the swing for 2 minutes and down the slide once then ask if it’s time to go home At the farm, he wants to see and do everything straight away, he will look at a few animals for a few seconds then he wants the tractor ride but halfway through the tractor ride he decides he doesn’t want to do that anymore, he wants to go on the mini diggers, but once he’s there he wants to try out the mini golf, he will try one hole and then he wants to go to the gift shop and is it time to go home now? 😩 I have tried making him continue with activities but he will just stand next to me showing no interest until it’s time to move on. The result of this is that we can’t drag a day out for longer than an hour or two! At the beach, he loves playing in the sand! It’s his favourite thing in the world! For 5 minutes... then it’s, is it time to go yet? Same with play centres.

1. After school activities...

He used to go to a theatre school, which he said he loved! But come show time, guess who just wanted to do his own thing and run around and not what the 10 other little angels on the stage were doing? So we pulled him out of that. Next was swimming lessons. He loves going swimming! Except after 5 minutes he was just floating about doing his own thing while the rest of the group learned to swim. So we pulled him out of that. Gymnastics... yeah! He loves it! Except I’ve just had a call from the teacher to say about halfway through he’s just asking where I am and doesn’t want to take part in anything so she doesn’t think it’s for him. So he won’t be going there any more. He doesn’t watch TV for longer than 5 minutes and if he goes on the iPad, same thing (his choice, I don’t set screen time limits or anything even though I would if he needed it). It’s the same in the garden, he can’t find anything to occupy his time. I’m completely exasperated. It’s not that I particularly want him out of the house or anything, I just want him to find something, anything! that he’s interested in or can focus on and not get bored. Left to his own devices in the house he just wanders, follows me about, helps with jobs etc. He has a sibling who is quite happy to play with him but he’s not that interested. School report that he is the same there. He’s a popular boy but shows no great interest in his friends, he will play with them for a bit but then just gets bored and moves on to someone else. He’s got a great and very active imagination, is always telling me about the outrageous dreams he’s had and can make up stories. He tells a LOT of tall tales about things that have happened at school (I mean, totally out there stuff that definitely didn’t happen 🤣) so he’s not lacking in that department, but then creative activities don’t really interest him at all. Is anyone else’s child like this? Every other child I’ve ever known is interested in something! Any suggestions as to what can I do with him?

@romdowa as someone with ADHD do you have any suggestions as to how we could improve his attention span? Or does none of it bother you and you’d just rather people leave you to be the way you are? I don’t particularly mind him being the way he is (as exhausting as he is!) as long as he’s happy, but I do worry about him being bored

@LittleOwl153 it’s such a shame the well behaved children are left to it as they don’t cause school a problem, when she probably is really struggling 😔 it’s really hard isn’t it?

@Newnamefor2021

Not all children with ADHD have behavioural problems. Probably most don't.

It may still be his age it may be more, assuming if school are having him assessed then they have some concerns.

Agreed - my eldest has Inattentive type ADHD, diagnosed late as his dreaming in class was only affecting himself, he’s never been disruptive

@LittleOwl153

This sounds sadly like my dd. She's 11, in secondary and still the same. No diagnosis as school think she's fine (she's quite and reasonably well behaved). Lockdown learning was a nightmare as she has no focus. All she does is switch to YouTube (or any other video site she can find) instead on doing anything she's supposed to be doing. Hope you find some answers.

My DS is exactly the same; I’m surprised I didn’t go grey over lockdown. Solidarity!

OP I hope the assessment is useful

“ He’s not interested in friends”

“he would rather stand and chat to the adults than interact with the children”

This stands out to me as well as the inability to focus that you’ve mentioned. My child has ASD rather ADHD but I think it’s quite common for a neurodiverse child to prefer speaking to adults, who are often much more “lenient” with the rules of conversation, social norms etc than children can be. I hope his assessment sheds some light.

This sounds like ADD (ADHD without the H). It’s a different beast to ADHD because it doesn’t come with the difficult to handle hyperactivity and similar behaviour issues. It’smore about a lack of focus, attention and ‘follow through’. Have a chat with his teacher and see what she thinks. It may be worth getting someone in to assess him for this at school.

We are all dyslexic and/or ADD in my family so it’s the norm around here. If you want things that might help I would look at his diet firstly. A lot of ADHD kids are sensitive to colourings and flavourings in food, caffeine tends to focus us. Look at sensory processing too some children benefit from certain exercises. Wobble cushions, movement breaks and other classroom strategies can help if it starts to have an impact on his learning. Ultimately there is also medication but most people see that as a last resort and if he isn’t having behavioural difficulties and is doing well in school it doesn’t seem like that’s the obvious path to go down right now. Understanding I think makes the biggest impact on neuro diverse kids. Building a positive identity that includes his ADHD can stop him developing the low self esteem that often comes with being told to shut up and sit down a million times a day in school.

I think that if you have concerns and can list a specific list of issues, as you have here, then you absolutely need to get hi assessed formally. the problem, of course, can be in figuring out what kind of assessment you need. If you can afford to go private, you can go with a specialist paediatrician who will basically assess for everything and then advise accordingly. In this case, I'd think an educational psychologist might also be a good shout.

The problem with these sorts of behaviours is that as he gets older, will it impact his ability to lead a fulfilling life? Eg, if he's smart, but struggles to concentrate, how will that affect his learning? Right now he doesn't seem to care about a lack of friends, but when he's older will be want a greater level of socialisation?

Having said that, I also think the activities he enjoys he should continue. At 5.5, I don't think a child can be blamed for not always been on track during a theatre show. If he likes swimming, keep taking him, even if in a group class he's not particularly focused. You could try one on one lessons or just let him swim and enjoy it.

If he likes stories and is a good reader/writer, can you get him to start writing these stories he tells you down? It gives him a focus and something to do that perhaps he will enjoy. If he enjoys helping you, get him more involved in cooking, cleaning, diy or whatever it is that you do at home.

Even if he isn't ADD you could still employ those kind of strategies to help manage his attention span

My boys sound a bit quieter than yours so it was less noticeable to the teachers of these classes. But yes they were not for taking part really at 5 or 6.
Nor did they build stuff much with Lego until about 7 when that took off. Good imaginative play though, pleasant little people too. But not biddable or engrossed in anything for long.
They have turned out fine. If not tremendously accomplished at anything.😂

Go with his inclinations: if he wants to be your apprentice that's the way he will pick up skills. Maybe encourage him to pick up his stories where he left off, have a long running serial. Or give him a scenario and ask what happened next.

Soiunds to me as if his main interest is you; and what he wants is to play with you,be actively engaged with you (whther in play, or "helping" you do whatever you're doing.

Pretty normal for a 5 yr old.

[quote IfIHaveToTellYouAgain]@confuseddotcomma we believe he has 12 hours of sleep at night, he often falls asleep after school but has been tested for sleep apnoea and that was negative. Blood tests are all fine although he has been anaemia in the past 🤷‍♀️
He’s definitely a candidate for ADHD based on the description above but has none of the behaviour issues, he’s not particularly impulsive, so I don’t know![/quote]
You don't have to be impulsive or hyperactive to have ADHD. You can be predominantly inattentive type. Not saying that's what he has just pointing this out as your understanding of ADHD is incorrect. .

[quote IfIHaveToTellYouAgain]@romdowa as someone with ADHD do you have any suggestions as to how we could improve his attention span? Or does none of it bother you and you’d just rather people leave you to be the way you are? I don’t particularly mind him being the way he is (as exhausting as he is!) as long as he’s happy, but I do worry about him being bored[/quote]
I find my lack of attention quite frustrating at times but I often find once I get into something I can stick with it. Like I love reading but it takes me so long to try and get into the right frame of mind to actually start but if I don't love something then I will 100% not do it. So you might just have to find something he absolutely loves. As a child I used to do things more if someone sat and did it with me. It helped me become less frustrated , so maybe you could start an activity that he enjoys and then slowly get him to do periods without you and then rejoin him etc, and make the periods without you longer. I also bribe and reward myself for doing things I don't want to do 🤣🤣 it's very frustrating when your brain won't co operate and allow you to do something, it can cause a lot of shame too.

My son was EXACTLY like this. I used to be near tears, I’d take him to the playground and he’d stand for ages watching the other children, go once or twice down a slide at my prompting and then want to go. He never played in the conventional way with a kitchen, a train set or cars. It was like he didn’t see the point of play dough, painting, arts and stuff. He was an early and precious reader and is v into board games and card games - as you say, structured. I’m pleased to say as he’s got old he’s got a lot better. He’s really interested in sea creatures so looks at his top trump sets on eg sharks and we have other ocean games like ocean bingo and I saw it first ocean version. So we’ve been able to develop his interests that way. Is there anything your son likes? It’s great he can use his imagination. If he likes telling you stories can you write them out for him and he draw some pictures, make it into a book? Or you can do stop motion videos. In terms of toys he likes a remote control robot and a Brio pinball game, those keep him amused for a bit. He reads a lot. And he’s much more into the playground these days!

Gently:
Stop pulling him out of things he enjoys, just because he isn't good at them yet

He isn't in activities to shine. He is in activities to learn. By enjoying something and wanting to be able to join in is the way he will get better. It's actually MORE important for a kid like him to be in activities where he derives enjoyment and is exposed to instructions and compliance precisely because he isn't good at it yet.

Think about it - if he was struggling with reading, you don't stop him reading because he is finding it tricky..you do it more.

@tunnocksreturns2019 thank you, it’s good to know I’m not the only one! He’s definitely a daydreamer.
@Goodweatherforsnails he’s definitely quirky, there’s no doubt about that, I just don’t know what it is or what to do about it, if anything! Thank you 😊
@Jdhshekr I’ll look into that, thank you!
@Thatswatshesaid thank you for the suggestions. He has a pretty good diet (he will eat anything and everything - including sand and other random things 😱), eats lots of fruit and veg. I know there’s no evidence to say Haribo cause any issues but he’s had them twice and they’ve caused him to be bouncing off the walls at midnight so he’s never had those again! His sister was exactly the same though so I don’t think that’s linked to him specifically. He does have SPD so lots of strategies already in place at school, they have tried wobble cushion, chew toy, fiddle toy, weighted jacket, all seem to help a tiny bit. He’s only in reception so gets plenty of movement breaks and it’s a play based school right through to year 2 so I’m not too worried about school at the moment, he does have time on his side to develop his concentration luckily.
@Triffid1thank you for the suggestions. He struggles to write as he has motor delays but maybe I could try getting him to type, that’s a good suggestion. That’s exactly what I’m concerned about, whether it will affect him more as he grows up 😔 maybe I just need to wait and see. I have him down on the waiting list for 1:1 swimming lessons but nowhere is taking them on at the moment due to numbers allowed in pools. I’m hoping it will change soon as he really does love it but being in the group was impacting the other children, which I’ll never allow him to do so I did have to take him out 😢
@PetuniaPot that’s encouraging that yours turned out fine! Thank you!
@2bazookas yes his main interest is me and I don’t mind that to a certain extent, but I would like him to have his own interests as well. Even if he wanted me to join in with those interests, that would also be fine, but the way it is now is pretty much I have to tell him what to be interested in, which isn’t really encouraging his independent likes and dislikes!
@RavingAnnie apologies, that probably came across wrong as I know he has traits, I’ll look into inattentive ADD, thank you
@romdowa I just wish I could find that one thing that he loves so we can go with it! I do spend a lot of time working with him doing the things you have suggested, so maybe he just needs me to keep up with that. Thank you for sharing your experience 😊

Flipping heck, he is still very young! I thought this post was going to be about a 13 year old.

@eatsleepread do you mean that I should expect this because he is 5? I’ve known babies that can show you what they like/dislike. This is a child that either doesn’t like anything or likes literally everything in the world and can’t decide what he wants to focus on. I have a 4 year old so I know that interests change like the weather and they don’t concentrate for long periods of time, but this is not that. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want there to be anything wrong with him and if he’s happy that way then crack on but I just don’t know if he is!

@WyldStallions thank you for being gentle 😁
To be fair I didn’t really stop him going to theatre school, it stopped due to COVID and he just wasn’t that bothered about going back and it was expensive so I thought, why bother!
The swimming, he was a danger to himself and others, I’m not completely stopping the activity but I do think he will be more suited to 1:1 lessons. And the gymnastics, I haven’t actually stopped yet, just got a call to say the teacher thinks he doesn’t enjoy it because he just keeps asking whether it’s time to go home yet but he says he does enjoy it! The only reason for stopping the activities (other than the danger element of swimming) is that I’m not convinced he actually DOES enjoy it!

I’m not exaggerating when I say there is nothing in life that he actively dislikes. He is as enthusiastic about going to school or going for a walk as he is about going to the beach or going on holiday. The trouble is that once he’s there and doing that he wants to do something else instead! Almost as if his brain is working too fast.

Sounds a bit similar to my son. He has since been diagnosed with ADHD, and Aspergers Syndrome.

You say he likes to help you with chores. That is sweet, and I would be welcoming to it. He may find it easier to get on with a trusted adult (ie you), rather than playing with peers.

If he is like my son, then other (random) hobbies at that age that might be worth trying were:

Lego (loved lego)
'Scratch' computer coding - sort of coding for beginners, but a lot of street cred at school once people knew he was good at it.
Climbing wall sessions for his age
Dry slope skiing - there should be lessons for his age, even in summer time.
Digging large holes in our garden and allotment ... and then lots of watering (creating a flood or lake where he had dug)

My DS wanted me as company and as a playmate far longer than most of his age group at school.

Oh, and Marble Runs .... he loved building those, and they getting me to help test them.

Wait till he hits the teens and interests turn to mobiles, insta, tik tok and boys/ girls ( definately not reading or am dram).

What TV programmes does he like?

DS loved Operation Ouch, Number Jacks and Octanauts at that age, together with Horrible Histories a bit later.

5 1/2 is a funny age - suitable for some of the older CBeebies programmes, but just starting to access some CBBC shows (although a lot of CBBC will be too old for him). If you can, try to explore some new programmes with him to see what catches his attention.

Depending on where you live getting a referral from the GP to the paediatrician is a good first step and even if you decide you don’t need it later then he will be on a waiting list. A through adhd assessment would be helpful and actually probably better when he is 6 anyway. I’d go with what another poster said about scaffolding activities to do alongside him to encourage him to slowly go longer and also help him with tasks and planning. Does he tend to lose his belongings a lot? Make mistakes because he rushes through things? Is he able to follow 2 step instructions?