Found out a member of my team has badmouthed me to other departments

[flyingtartar]

I've slept badly because of this and just don't know how to handle it.

To be brief, a member of my team did some work with another dept yesterday and messaged me in the evening to say that other members of this dept who have done some work with a newish recruit we have were all saying how this recruit isn't being supported by me or my team. I am devastated - I took this person on and have email after email in which I offer support and take her duties down a bit and she always replies grateful and says she's fine etc. We are doing a lot of wfh/staggered being in so it is difficult to manage everyone, plus we are short-staffed, but I have done my absolute best.

The other team don't know me well but we've all worked in the place for best part of 10 years and I'm shocked they would think I just wouldn't support someone new - I thought I had a better reputation than that.

Btw, the person who let me know is my second and an old friend - she wasn't shit-stirring and was actually really upset as she is someone who has offered this person a lot of support and actually done more face-to-face with her than me.

I would like to speak to all concerned today - not in an emotional/angry way, and tell new recruit to be honest with me if she's not fine rather than saying she is then telling others she's not being supported. I'm less sure about the others and whether to go higher with it. Such an awful year for us and this has floored me.

Any thoughts anyone?

Personally I would take a step back if you are upset and approach it next week when you are feeling calmer. New team member could just be overwhelmed with the work rather than blaming specific people. Even though she is getting a lot of support by email maybe it feels more difficult for her as she's wfh. Email responses are good but it doesn't really make up for someone spending time with you going through things. Not your fault just the way it is at the moment.

Sorry you have experienced learning about this through gossip.

There are a few possibilities - be careful not to get defensive and rush to discuss widely. Better to take a deep breath and reflect calmly. No one but your friend knows that you know? A whole group conversation sounds maybe a bit much to me.

Is there any chance this person genuinely feels unsupported? If so, that is the top priority. I have been managed by people who really think they are doing a marvellous job at training, induction, support but actually I have been finding things very difficult. People who have been in jobs for a long time can lose sight of what it is like to be new.

I have been saying for a year that I suspect the increase in WFH will have a detrimental effect on new recruits and make it harder for them to ft in and learn their new roles.

If I were a new recruit, I don’t think (quote) “email after email“ would be something I would find especially supportive, but I would try to be polite back.

Rather that have a showdown meeting with all parties about it, presumably to protect your reputation., perhaps you could entertain the idea that the new member of staff really doesn’t feel supported and that maybe a new approach is required. New recruit is allowed to speak to colleagues about how they are feeling, people often do this before deciding to raise a matter with management.

Personally, I would not speak to all concerned, as this really only concerns two people, new recruit and you. I would think of other ways to support the staff, e.g. perhaps more speaking and less emailing and ask if they would find that helpful.

You don't know how it went, so tread carefully.
Maybe the other team asked the member of staff to do something and she didn't know how. Maybe it came to light that that team has different protocols in place for mentoring new members of staff. Maybe your new member of staff genuinely doesn't feel supported. You just don't know.

Tell your line manager that word has reached you and ask for their advice.

Old me would have said go for it and discuss with all. New me would now think there's more than one way to achieve what you want to without making a big deal about it. Perhaps you could just meet with new recruit and ask her what she needs. Could be new recruit is feeling anxious about the job and it's less about you and more about her.

I had an instance yesterday where I wanted to throw my toys out - not professional I know, so I didn't and will now approach a different way without it making me look like a dick. Not quite the same circumstance as yours I know but just saying we can think of other ways of responding.

Plus support means different things to different people. Some people need A LOT and it might never be enough and others less so. Ideally this person needs to acknowledge while they're learning the job it's going to be a while before it clicks into place. And one last thing....maybe she's just a whinger.

Instead of this being an emotional "disclosure" incident where it's all about who said what behind backs...

... I'd take this instead as an opportunity to show this recruit how well you can support them.

Find a way to give them the dimension they feel they're lacking. Perhaps contact the recruit and ask them what support they would like? Goes without saying but really like being listened to. They might reveal to you things that you may never have thought of but which they actually needed.

I bloody hate sounding like a LinkedIn viral post but the saying is true - feedback builds better leaders.

Your network just brought you some feedback. How you act on it defines who you are as a leader.

You can get all tribal about it (they said THAT about OUR team?!) or you can use it as an opportunity to improve.

Choice is yours

When you say speak to all concerned who do you mean? You absolutely need to speak to the new recruit but not in terms of them being honest with the other team but to find out how they actually feel. I bet they do feel unsupported otherwise why would they being saying it? Just because you have send lots of emails does not mean they are supported they may feel that approach puts them under pressure more. Remote working for a manager is much harder but it also is for a new recruit. Speak to them face to face if you can or at least over the phone and see how you can support them.
Speaking to the other team is unprofessional and frankly smacks of trying to save your reputation rather than doing what’s best for the team.

Honestly? Your emotional response is unprofessional and surprising. You should be able to react better than this, and I’d question how well you’re coping, as it’s a bit school girl.

You simply need to speak to the person, book in a 1:1, and ask them if they feel supported, tell them you’ve heard some comments and want to know if anything more can be done to help them and how they are finding the role.

Prior to doing so speak to their manager.explain you’d heard some comments and then get their view on the individuals performance and needs.

Do not escalate higher, it shows a total inability to cope and contextualise.

This event is 1.01 in staff management.

Emails don't really work when you are teaching someone new how to do the job, or even someone how to do something new on a job.

You need to get people on the team who aren't a manager, so you can't do it nor can your second, to work alongside her.

In other words tell everyone in the team they need to help her out. (Hopefully the job descriptions you have given everyone say they need to mentor or pass on knowledge otherwise you are screwed.)

Depending what the tasks are that are normally done assign different people in the team to help her with specific tasks. Give her the autonomy to fill her diary with when each person will teach her each task.

The person teaching will need to use the phone, messaging apps, and things like Zoom when they can't use face-to-face communication.

What’s the work situation going forward? Can you meet face to face at all? I’m personally a bit set adrift WFH all the time and I miss face to face interactions - my job is definitely easier when the people I interact with are around me rather than relying on email or phone calls. I was trying to work something out last night and didn’t understand it but had no one to ask - it was bloody frustrating and I’m an experienced staff member without the pressure of being new. Could you meet with her and have a chat without necessarily getting into a big discussion about the comments. See what needs to happen moving forward.

Thanks all - I definitely don't want to steam in and make it all worse.

I'm definitely open to the possibility that she genuinely feels unsupported. When I say email after email, I don't mean I'm flooding her inbox but in pretty much every email I have I'm telling her to ask if she needs help, telling her I've taken x off her etc. I know emails aren't ideal but the nature of our work is most days are taken up with service users so phone calls would have to mainly be in the evenings which I didn't think would be ideal. Obviously I may well have got that wrong.

She has had fortnightly meetings with her mentor as per protocol, plus further comms via the dreaded email as and when. The thing is she has constantly offered to do more than needed and I have said, as has her mentor, that she shouldn't take on to much and it's not her problem that y hasn't been done, but she has insisted. So this is galling.

Sadly, I don't really have a line manager - the whole organisation isn't great really . Hence my department being short-staffed - again.

*too much

I should add I've worked within multi-national teams for years and this is how we pass on knowledge when we can't meet face-to-face.

I have been the new recruit WFH. Please pick up the phone and speak to your staff member. Don't send email after email. I would never commit in writing how I was really feeling to my new manager. But I would happily discuss it with them or colleagues 'off the record' in general casual conversation.

What you think is support and what your new recruit thinks is support is clearly different. Talk to then and find out what they need.

@anotherday235

Personally I would take a step back if you are upset and approach it next week when you are feeling calmer. New team member could just be overwhelmed with the work rather than blaming specific people. Even though she is getting a lot of support by email maybe it feels more difficult for her as she's wfh. Email responses are good but it doesn't really make up for someone spending time with you going through things. Not your fault just the way it is at the moment.

I think this too - leave it till next week, then make it your mission to investigate what is going on in as impersonal way as possible. It sounds like a huge case of Chinese whispers - plus work life is really hard now as you say, and also IMO a everyone is bonkers after a year of lockdown.

Next week start with the new recruit find out what is bothering her. People need support in different ways, get a clear plan going. Be clear you are not working under ideal circs right now and she needs to be patient.

Then, if you deem it necessary, go speak to the head of the other dept team ‘for clarity’ .

Your friend handled this very badly by the way - you do not email someone this kind of information of an evening. You talk to them in person, or at least on the phone, at the next convenient working hours slot - which should not be a Friday because everyone is tired and overreacts and will go stew over the weekend. She may well not have intended to shit stir but I would gently point this out at some point.

Knock off early tomorrow and have a nice weekend. This short of stuff happens all the time, it doesn’t make you a bad manager.

@Bluntness100

Honestly? Your emotional response is unprofessional and surprising. You should be able to react better than this, and I’d question how well you’re coping, as it’s a bit school girl.

You simply need to speak to the person, book in a 1:1, and ask them if they feel supported, tell them you’ve heard some comments and want to know if anything more can be done to help them and how they are finding the role.

Prior to doing so speak to their manager.explain you’d heard some comments and then get their view on the individuals performance and needs.

Do not escalate higher, it shows a total inability to cope and contextualise.

This event is 1.01 in staff management.

This.

Some of these comments are irrelevant due to the nature of our work, which is my fault for being deliberately vague, I know. I have no control whatsoever about who works alongside her and no one else from our department is with her, which I can do nothing about. Our job is one that is the same wherever you do it, largely, so she doesn't need training on particular tasks etc, it's not that kind of job. That said, she's still new to the organisation I know and I do get that.

People saying ask her what she needs etc - I have done that time and time again and her mentor has to her face. She has repeatedly said all is fine to both of us and then this!

You seem to be reacting emotionally, with losing sleep, being ‘shocked’ and ‘floored’ and worrying about what others think of you. This just seems standard work stuff.

Colleagues have all kinds of opinions about each other, for all kinds of reasons, can’t do much about that!

Unsurprising that in these remote working times some some people - new in role or not - are finding it hard. Nor that communication is challenging.

Wouldn’t speak to the colleagues in the other department about it at all. Would wait until you’ve cooled down then ask how the colleague who colleagues say is feeling ‘unsupported’ is doing and ask her about how she’s finding ‘ways of working’ with you and the team, her role etc.

nature of our work is most days are taken up with service users so phone calls would have to mainly be in the evenings which I didn't think would be ideal.

If you are inducing a new member into the team then unfortunately time will have to be craved out in the day so she can have a 30 minute meetings with a different team member in the day. She won't need one every day.

Lots of places start late once or twice a week for "staff training". You need to implement something like that.

Lots of places start late once or twice a week for "staff training". You need to implement something like that.

That is completely impossible - we are public sector and work with service users. While it could possible be implemented, it would have to be someone way above me who implemented it and it would not happen short term.

OP in every single job I've done whether it is working with the public or not, someone has taken the time out to induce me then keep an eye on me for a couple of months.

You seem to be making up excuses on why you can't check up on and talk to new/junior staff members in the working day. Emails are not the tool for this task.

As a manager or senior team member it is your job to make time to do this for new and junior staff members.

If you can't do it randomly during the day then you are going to have to do it at the beginning of the day or set time around lunchtime a few times a week.

If you talk to people even by phone they will think you are approachable. Most of the time it will be a 2 minute conversation. One to two times you may find yourself helping her for an hour.

i think she was asked the question and she answered it. dont take it personally.
make time to ring imo

i wouldnt ask her, i would apologise that she doesnt feel she has enough support firstly.
and make a proper plan for more support

This happened in my team, the t/l called a zoom meeting and at the end said as some of you are cross training and nice nice being with other colleagues and chatting remember what you say gets back to me. So do t say anything you don't want me to know. But if there is something like extra support or something that you are unhappy with or just need to talk through something please talk to me in the 1st instance. You all know I am always here to support and help you.

@Mintyt

This happened in my team, the t/l called a zoom meeting and at the end said as some of you are cross training and nice nice being with other colleagues and chatting remember what you say gets back to me. So do t say anything you don't want me to know. But if there is something like extra support or something that you are unhappy with or just need to talk through something please talk to me in the 1st instance. You all know I am always here to support and help you.

Well that is a really bad way to handle it - OP do NOT do this!