It's probably more like freedom without any consequences?
I'm really, really against what I feel is the "overly managed" way to raise children I see a lot on here. What I mean by that is... kinda what you are describing to be honest. Sorry. The rarely playing out because their schedules are so full of activities or playdates with school friends. Not letting them out because it's raining? Do they not have coats? And did homework have to be done right this second when they've been at school all day? (I disagree with homework too
).
There are further extremes with the 12 year olds incapable of walking to the corner shop, 14 year olds incapable of getting a bus and having to be driven everywhere (rural exceptions), and nobody ever walking themselves to their walking distance school. But it's all the same vein where everything must be managed and supervised.
I think there has to be at least a balance and at 7 & 10 they should be encouraged to play out as much as possible. It honestly might not be a bad thing for them if the other kids are behaving like that. That's where you sit them down and explain why it's wrong, and how they get experience of "oh... maybe I shouldn't be doing this" when all their peers are doing something.
I'm not sure how people expect a 14 year old to confidently say no to drugs when their "good friends" are telling them it'll be a laugh, calling them pussies etc, if they've never been used to doing that in fairly low risk scenarios throughout their childhood?
If your children cave in to the peer pressure of a game of chappy the sky isn't going to fall down, is it? But they can practice "actually I'm going home to play xbox, see you guys later". Or the old "my mum said we need to be home for tea" trick. The bigger one can learn to advocate for the little one. Also, if they're lucky, a neighbour might threaten to rip their fucking ears off, and they'll not chap doors again (this happened to me
).
We got up to some nonsense as kids, some stuff we shouldn't have been doing, but my brother and I became pretty streetwise teenagers, well versed in petty dispute management, and as adults we're both very confident and never lost the bond we got from being chucked out at dawn and shouted in at dusk.
I see that with my daughter too (also 10). She takes her younger sister to the park and her and her friends look out for the little ones. But she's also a child of 10 and she messes up. I always know when she's messed up or something is on her mind because she walks in the door the first thing she says is: put the kettle on
. Just two days ago she made a bad choice, there was some drama and she could have avoided it but instead her and her friends went looking for more. But nobody died, we talked about it, and the most important thing (to me) is that she actually told me and we spoke about ways to make a better choice next time. These are opportunities to A) teach life lessons and B) get the trust and dialogue going between us early. I want her to come and tell me when she fucks up now, so she absolutely knows she can come and tell me if she has fucked up when she's 14, and I'm going to help her put things right.
So yes, bad behaviour is a risk, but that's probably do to with the parenting rather than the freedom given. And the benefits of giving freedom can outweigh the risks.