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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to keep DD off school for 2 days or is her school being over the top?

47 replies

ECJW · 27/05/2021 16:20

So I have to have a 24 hour PH test done in a few weeks to see whether I am a suitable candidate for what will literally be life changing surgery. My symptoms are so debilitating that I have no quality of life, so want to have these tests done ASAP to hopefully be put on the surgical waiting list.

The closest hospital that can do these tests is about 30/40 miles away where the rest of my family live. I would have to go around 9am on a Thursday morning to have the nasal tube fitted for the test and then go back around the same time on a Friday morning to have it removed.

I want to stay nearby to the hospital firstly because I don’t want to have to drive there and back with a tube fitted which is probably going to be extremely uncomfortable and also if anything goes wrong with the tube within the 24 hours my local hospital are not equipped to deal with it and it means that I would have basically gone through all of that for nothing and would have to have it repeated again at a later date, not to mention having to dash 30/40 miles with something wrong (I am a single parent living alone with DD and nearest family are 30/40 miles away).

My plan is to stay with my family Wednesday night until the tube is removed on Friday, and obviously DD would have to come with me because no-one could have her at my house because everyone works.

I have let the school know today so I have give them around 6 weeks notice and explained all of this to them but they got quite moody, especially her teacher who ignored my emails after that.

AIBU or is DD’s school just being over the top?

OP posts:
VivaDixie · 27/05/2021 16:25

Don't give it another thought. Keep her off, you have informed the school. It will go down as unauthorised, but to be honest - I wouldn't care.

I hope your procedure goes well OP. Flowers

toto23 · 27/05/2021 16:34

Having had several PH studies as a kid, I can safely say I would not want to be driving with the tube in. You are doing the right thing staying with family.

Crazycakelady17 · 27/05/2021 16:37

Don’t worry op your not being unreasonable hope it goes well for you

itsgettingwierd · 27/05/2021 16:40

Sometimes health becomes the most important thing. And sometimes due to circumstances that means your child's education must be second on the list.

Whilst in an ideal world a child would always attend school it's just not always possible.

I'd email back suggesting she is educated offsite those 2 days and ask they send you the work for her to do.

You then have on record you've supported her education and if they refuse to send work you've done all you can.

Hope you get sorted soon after the tests.

Wannakisstheteacher · 27/05/2021 16:42

Jesus, don’t give it another thought!! I’m all about education- but there are actually somethings things which are just more important. Hope it goes well for you.

Lotsachocolateplease · 27/05/2021 16:44

Of course they got moody , they care about their data.
You are not being unreasonable at all and doing what’s right for your family. School should be supportive in this.
Honestly don’t worry about it. You do what’s right for you and your health.
Hope it goes ok

Stichintime · 27/05/2021 16:46

This absence easily falls in 'special circumstances' category.

Laquila · 27/05/2021 16:49

I don't really see what else you can do so I'd go ahead - best of luck with the tests.

SummerBreeze1980 · 27/05/2021 16:50

2 days off is nothing. And it is clearly for something very important! At my DD's school this would definitely be an authorised absence.

Looksabitbig · 27/05/2021 16:50

I can't see her age anywhere - if she's 16 and sitting assessments that's different than if she is 9 and at primary school.

DistrictCommissioner · 27/05/2021 16:54

Yanbu, but depending on how old she is, might there be a friend she could stay over with instead? Just thinking about what might make things easiest. I would be perfectly happy to have one of my friend’s kids for a sleepover after school Thurs & take them back to school Fri morning.

JediGnot · 27/05/2021 16:54

At least you know that the next time you have to prioritize your health that you don't have the schools support and the best thing to do is just phone in sick on the day.

DistrictCommissioner · 27/05/2021 16:54

That was meant to say one of my kid’s friends! Although I would also help out my friend.

Newkitchen123 · 27/05/2021 16:56

What do they recommend you do instead? Leave her home alone?
Don't give it another thought

Singalongasong · 27/05/2021 16:58

If there's no one from your family who could travel down and have DD at yours then what else can you do? The teacher has no idea of the circumstances, don't take it personally. I hope your procedure goes ok.

PyjamaFan · 27/05/2021 16:58

The teacher might not have had time to reply to your emailsl yet!!

Jenjenn · 27/05/2021 17:01

You only sent the emails today? Give them a chance to answer. A few days at least.

UserAtRandom · 27/05/2021 17:01

How old is DD? Makes rather a difference whether she is 5 or 17.

RuggerHug · 27/05/2021 17:04

Depends on your DDs age/needs. Teenagers who can get herself to school and be trusted for the night or can stay with a mate I can see why they'd be annoyed when so much school has been missed but if she's dependent on you don't give it another thought, you're giving them notice not asking permission.

GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 27/05/2021 17:06

Most schools don't give a shit about wellbeing, of child or parent. They're only interested in their numbers. You do what you have to.

AngelDelightUk · 27/05/2021 17:08

It depends on how old she is

parietal · 27/05/2021 17:12

if child is secondary age, can she stay with a school-friend for 2 nights?

OrangePowder · 27/05/2021 17:15

I don't think a teacher "ignoring" emails indicates moodiness, she probably just hasn't got to it and/or it's not her role to agree absence. I'm sure (hope) you're seeing things that aren't there, of course it's fine.

Cocolapew · 27/05/2021 17:18

Don't bother trying to organise any sleepovers etc. It's 2 fucking days Hmm
Good luck!

Original poster
ECJW · 27/05/2021 17:26

Thank you everyone for your replies! DD is 5 and is in a special needs school so very small class and because of COVID haven’t had chance to make friends with any of the parents. We recently moved into the area from London (about 150 miles difference) so we have no friends in the new area x

OP posts: