to start a new course but miss my daughter's first day at big school

[Covert19]

I gave up my career 12 years ago to be a SAHM. My youngest is now 11, and will be starting secondary school in September.

I have been thinking about how I am going to fill my time with the slightly longer days secondary school will give me. There is a subject I have been interested in studying for years but never done it. It is in an area of interest for me but unlikely to lead to employment - but will help in a volunteering role I do.

I can start a course in September. It would be 50% distance learning, and 50% evenings (two nights a week) plus four week-long residentials over two years.

The first residential week coincides with my youngest's first day at secondary school. When I mentioned the dates to her, she said "won't you want to see me on my first day at school?". She's basically asking me to defer the course for a year, so that I can wave her off on her first day at big school.

I get that starting secondary is a big deal and to be honest, I would be disappointed to miss it, but at the risk of sounding like a martyr, I've sacrificed a lot to be with my kids, and I've never missed a sports day, school concert, etc etc. I thought that this would be something for me at long last, but now I feel that I should defer it for a year.

DH is happy for me to do whatever I want - he will pick up the slack when I am doing the course, so our daughter would have Dad there (when she never has before as he's always been working).

AIBU to do the course this year, or should I wait a year?

Has she done secondary transition activities yet? I'm assuming maybe not. She might well feel differently about it after she has.

(And please stop calling it "big school". It's a bit infantilizing).

I’m not calling it “big school” anywhere but in the title here, cos it was quicker than typing “secondary” so don’t worry @UserAtRandom!

@TeeBee and her dad will be there for her anyway

Have you got older children? If so did you wave them off on their first day?
If you did then I can see why she'd be hurt (like her siblings are more important), if you didn't that's different.
Having said that she'll probably get over it quickly so do the course if that's what you want.

Facetime her, that's enough

Definitely do the course. Absolutely not worth postponing something like that for a whole year just to wave an 11 yr off. Like someone else said, tell her you wish you could be there but you can't. Send her a message on the morning and make a bit of a fuss before you leave.

Your daughter as clearly got used to you being there for everyone. Which is nice. But at some point people have to get used to you doing some things for yourself.