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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Primary school settling in for 3 weeks?!

298 replies

Smarshian · 27/05/2021 07:42

My eldest is due to start school in September. We have just been sent a letter about her settling in. Reception will not be in the first week (1st-3rd September), they will then do mornings (9-11.30) for one week and afternoons (1.15-3.30) for one week, before starting full time from 20th September.
Is this normal?! What are working parents supposed to do for those weeks? She goes to nursery full time at the moment and I will obviously ask them if they can do any wrap around either side, but it just seems a ridiculous amount of settling in and we can’t work around 3 weeks of 2.5hrs or less of school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smarshian · 27/05/2021 12:44

@Plumbear2

I also think you are confused about what being g inclusive means. It means making adjustments for children with special needs and disabilities. It certainly dosent mean making accommodations around a parents job, that's your responsibility.
I think you are confused about the definition of inclusivity. It means not excluding any groups involved. The policy of extended settling in will negatively impact on the protected group of women too. Whether you like it or not, most of the caring and organising burden will be on the mother’s not the fathers. Having an expectation that someone will be available to accommodate such short sessions at school for 2 weeks is much harder than dealing with holidays etc where holiday clubs etc are available etc.
OP posts:
Parker231 · 27/05/2021 12:48

@Plumbear2 - the legislation is there to ensure that if parents want to send their children full time from day one, they can. It’s not expecting the school to pander to them or provide childcare. The school is there to provide education at the start of the school term.

Badyboo · 27/05/2021 12:51

You'd think that if these extended settling in times were necessary, there would be some actual easily available evidence for it. And that it wouldn't be essentially random- 1 week! 2 weeks! until half term!

Oh, and schools might actually bring it up before you complete the application process.

My DS started full time after 3 induction sessions in July. I had to look after a friend's child for 3 weeks of afternoons at the same time. I can tell you who settled nicely and who didn't, and it wasn't the one going from pillar to post every day.

Plumbear2 · 27/05/2021 12:59

If you feel this is against the inclusively of female parents then challenge it. We had to fight tooth and nail for years for inclusion for disabilitys like autism etc. But it's not really about that. It's school policy, if you don't want to provide the care for those days get the father to do it, hire a childminder etc. It's the parents responsibility to provide childcare not the schools.

PegPeople · 27/05/2021 13:02

It's the parents responsibility to provide childcare not the schools.

The op is not asking them to provide childcare she's only asking if it is in her child's best interests to not be starting education full time.

As it's not in her or most children's best interests asking them to provide her child with the education they are entitled to from day one is not akin to asking them to be childcare.

Plumbear2 · 27/05/2021 13:07

Then she needs to ask the school if they are prepared for her child to do full time from the start. I imagine this wouldnt be I her child's best interest tho as the set up will be different groups of children coming in at different times on different days providing her child with no stability. School have to do what works for the majority of children not what fits best with one parent. OP really needs to get used to this because she carnt dictate what happens in school.

Parker231 · 27/05/2021 13:10

She doesn’t need to ask whether the school would take them full time from day one, it’s a legal right. When we did it I think there were more than half starting the same way. It’s not uncommon in today’s world when children are very familiar with a routine from nursery. Mine didn’t have any problems- their only comment from day one was that the toast in after school club was nicer than we had at home!

Original poster
Smarshian · 27/05/2021 13:11

@Plumbear2 that’s the bit I’m challenging though. Where is the evidence that it is in most children’s best interest to do this extended settling in? And why is there no flexibility advertised to support all children and their families?

OP posts:
PegPeople · 27/05/2021 13:14

School have to do what works for the majority of children not what fits best with one parent.

Thats literally the whole point of the thread. There is no evidence its in the best interests of the children. If it was then schools would all follow the same settling in processes and it wouldn't be a postcode lottery on whether your childs school did half days for 2 day, 3 week, 6 weeks or not at all.

Plumbear2 · 27/05/2021 13:18

Good challenge it. Or ring school for a polite conversation asking g if she can start full time from day 1. Schools do support family's but within reason. They carnt possibly work around every working parent.

jumpbounce · 27/05/2021 13:25

Count yourself lucky where I live reception aged children only ever go to school for 3 hours a day for the first 2 months and after that it is only ever 4 hours a day. I am very glad of this and would never entertain the education system in England for young children.
It is more than enough time for 4 year old children and it does take them time to settle. Your child is used to being away in a setting because clearly attends daycare but lots of others will not be so just use wrap around care.

jumpbounce · 27/05/2021 13:27

[quote Smarshian]@Plumbear2 that’s the bit I’m challenging though. Where is the evidence that it is in most children’s best interest to do this extended settling in? And why is there no flexibility advertised to support all children and their families?[/quote]
You will see the evidence for yourself at the school gates where there will likely be many children crying at drop off sometimes for a few weeks particularly this year I would imagine after the disruptive past year they have had.

PegPeople · 27/05/2021 13:29

where I live reception aged children only ever go to school for 3 hours a day for the first 2 months and after that it is only ever 4 hours a day. I am very glad of this and would never entertain the education system in England for young children.

Genuine question do all the reception aged children where you live have a parent at home? If not where do they go after the 3 hours of being in school?

Badyboo · 27/05/2021 13:34

You will see the evidence for yourself at the school gates

That's anecdote, not evidence. And I've never seen hordes of weeping children at the gate.

Merryhobnobs · 27/05/2021 13:35

This is how it was when I was a kid, but now in Scotland they start full days from day one. It's going to be a bit of an adjustment in the other way for our daughter who is used to nursery 8-5/5.30. In Scotland out cut off date for the school year is start of March which means we have no just turned 4 year olds starting which is much better.

Also we had a visit for an hour, a settle session of a couple of hours and then the option of a half day or go ahead with the full days for nursery when both of mine started as babies. both went with the full days. Sometimes taking the slow gradual approach just prolongs it and they adjust quicker and are happier with the routine being stablished properly and quickly, I know it won't be the same for every child but I do think this appraoch is probably better for many

Sh05 · 27/05/2021 13:36

My children's primary school has this same settling in timetable but also offers to change to full days from around day 3 with parents providing a packed lunch for those 3 weeks.
So long as a child Is showing signs of being ready for the full day they'll accommodate parents into doing the full day.

PegPeople · 27/05/2021 13:40

@Sh05

My children's primary school has this same settling in timetable but also offers to change to full days from around day 3 with parents providing a packed lunch for those 3 weeks. So long as a child Is showing signs of being ready for the full day they'll accommodate parents into doing the full day.
How sensible in comparison. This is a school who is thinking about the benefits of a child centred approach to starting school rather than simply doing the same old just because.
Tinkling · 27/05/2021 13:41

This is very normal - mad isn’t it!

Mumoftwoinprimary · 27/05/2021 13:52

My kids’ school starts them all at 8:45am on day 1. And that is it.

Their view is that the best way to settle children is to have them do the same thing every day. Ie Go to school! The settling in period would maybe work historically when most households had a SAHP but these days it just causes confusion if you are at school on Monday, at Granny’s on Tuesday and at Mummy’s friend Lucy’s on Wednesday.

It helps that the school has a thriving nursery so a lot of the kids already know the building and their teacher before they start.

Heronwatcher · 27/05/2021 14:04

It is a bit of a pain but very common. You keep talking about evidence but I don’t think this sort of thing adapts well to some kind of empirical study, it’s just the school doing what they think works best. By all means have a chat with them but the key thing is to work with the school, you’ll need a good relationship with them for the next 7 years. I would also say don’t assume that because your child has been in nursery they will ease into reception at a school with no problem. Some kids do, some don’t, but a school is very different to a childcare type setting. Your daughter may well benefit, and a gentle settling in is never going to harm her, it’s just a bit of a pain for you. I would take some time off, or wfh and try to make the most of the extra time with her as you won’t get it again. Also you’ll need to think now about what you’re going to do with her during the school holidays, of which there are a huge amount (and don’t expect there to be a club she’ll actually want to attend, especially when she’s younger).

NanooCov · 27/05/2021 14:55

It's completely normal here. Even children who have attended nursery full time can struggle with transition to school. My DS was totally fine but some of his classmates were not.

I attended school in the 1980s and even then we only did half days for the first week of starting school.

seven201 · 27/05/2021 14:58

My dd is in reception. I'm a teacher so wasn't allowed to take time off, dh took some days off, my dad had to come stay to do a couple and the others friends did. It's absolutely ridiculous. My dd was used to longer days at nursery and had no issue settling in. She also wasn't allowed to go to breakfast club or after school club until after the 3 weeks! I completely get that it might be good for some kids, but most are fine. It should be optional shorter days. It really pisses me off.

Plumbear2 · 27/05/2021 14:58

Agree with above about not expecting clubs during school.hols when they are younger. The only clubs on offer for minexpensive during primary where sports clubs which ran 10am till 2pm with a limit on two days a week plus they didn't run every week during summer. Might be worth looking into childminders.

jumpbounce · 27/05/2021 15:11

@PegPeople

where I live reception aged children only ever go to school for 3 hours a day for the first 2 months and after that it is only ever 4 hours a day. I am very glad of this and would never entertain the education system in England for young children.

Genuine question do all the reception aged children where you live have a parent at home? If not where do they go after the 3 hours of being in school?

There is a some with parents at home but a lot do still go to daycare/childminders in the area who do drop off's and pick up's at school. They don't start being in school every day until 3pm until around 8 years old although that has been impacted further by covid this year with my Y4 finishing at 2.15pm.
PegPeople · 27/05/2021 15:17

There is a some with parents at home but a lot do still go to daycare/childminders in the area who do drop off's and pick up's at school.

So pretty similar to children in England. But children here attend for a few more hours of school each day rather than spending that time in another childcare setting.

When at school where you are is the entire time they are there spent with the children being actively taught? Here in most eyfs classrooms children will do normally a short carpet session for phonics and maths and maybe some adult group work at some point in the day but the rest of the time they are playing.