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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Forced fun at work

56 replies

Lockdownlife101 · 26/05/2021 23:41

Such as team quizzes, inane zoom call conversations for our mental health and wellbeing, no they're the reverse actually. I started my job in lockdown and I am really loving it but I just don't fit in with this type of 'forced fun' culture. Anyone else in this situation?

OP posts:
QueenPaw · 27/05/2021 00:00

I couldn't cope with that Grin
When we were all furloughed our boss was "let's all get on zoom!!!"
Us Hmm "no"
Thankfully he lets the ones who want to get on with it so quizzes sent out via email, I reply with "do I look like I have time to do quizzes", he says "whatever" and that's it
I do a good Wednesday Addams stare which helps

TimeForTeaAndG · 27/05/2021 00:01

I don't kind regular team catch up meetings and welfare calls to check we are doing ok. But I haven't joined any of the forced fun things. I barely ever went to full office social events when I saw folk every day so aim not about to start sitting on muted Teams calls listening to them chattering.

muffindays · 27/05/2021 00:02

can't you just tell them straight up they're not your bag and actually contribute negatively to your MH? They can't argue with that can they?

lockdownalli · 27/05/2021 00:07

If it's in work time you are stuck with it and will just have to look on it as a work task you don't enjoy.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 27/05/2021 00:08

Lord, no. We had a good remote Xmas party that centred around a shared hatred of 'fun.
Our team has bonded hugely in lockdown but we do random stuff rather than organised 'fun'.

NiceGerbil · 27/05/2021 00:15

I find it makes me feel even more miserable about not having seen my colleagues for such a long time.

I don't like enforced fun at work in real life much either. It's always stuff for sporty outdoors competitive types.

I can't stand quizzes. Oddly I'm actually v sociable but I like just going to the pub really.

YouBoggleMyMind · 27/05/2021 00:19

Yup, really don't enjoy the daily welfare call that it's a load of bollocks usually and a "so what are people doing today?" Check up. Wasn't so bad to begin with but it's been over a year now and I work part time so I don't even get it every day but I'm tired of it.

TimeForTeaAndG · 27/05/2021 00:21

The most fun thing I contribute to my team is my use of GIFs in the chat box. It's the thing I will miss most if I go back to the office

Userg1234 · 27/05/2021 06:16

Oh been there! Many years ago when I was too unconfident to say anything.
Only advice is to stay out of the way if possible. I used to sit and if anyone said anything I was"people watching".
It's hard to get people to see that it's not your thing. Perhaps a quite word with the boss?

picturesandpickles · 27/05/2021 06:24

I find strategically avoiding works, I don't go to anything optional and will use Flexi to avoid things that are a bit grim.

I agree it is draining, some people who enjoy this stuff are completely unaware that not everyone does.

If your work is good and they openly value you, you could have a quiet word and say it is affecting you. But some times just avoiding is less hassle.

possumgoddess · 27/05/2021 06:33

Lordy lorry - how I hate all that stuff! And it's not just in work time either! Our new boss decided it would be nice to have social evenings.... His idea of social evenings were basically a pub crawl (before lockdown obviously). I don't drink much (not because I don't like it but because I have an intolerance), I'm not built for walking, and quite frankly if I was going to spend that amount of money I would rather spend it with my nearest and dearest. I didn't go but was made to feel like a bit of a saddo.

RampantIvy · 27/05/2021 06:41

I'm curious to know what "I'm not built for walking" means. If you don't have a disability/illness or are in pain then you can walk, surely?

PyjamaFan · 27/05/2021 06:44

Sounds horrendous!

Original poster
Lockdownlife101 · 27/05/2021 06:44

What makes it worse is there is a lot of inane chatter and giggling. I have absolutely nothing in common with these people and I feel I have to join in or I am seen as not being a team player. My boss has dropped hints that I don't make an effort. She mentioned it's part of her development plan to build cohesion into the team so she has an agenda, but I just want to get on with my fricken job and not feel under pressure do do this shit. I don't know whether to say anything or keep my mouth shut.

OP posts:
newnortherner111 · 27/05/2021 06:51

You come to work to do a good job, which should be enough. It seems as if your manager does not really know the full range of people in the team. What would your manager do if you had a different heritage from the rest of the team, or were neurodiverse, or had recently had some traumatic event such as a bereavement?

YANBU in your thoughts and should say something, to your manager.

AChickenCalledDaal · 27/05/2021 06:54

Lockdownlife101 she's not going to build cohesion if she pisses you off. If you can find a very cool, calm way of getting that across to her maybe you'd be into something.

My organisation fitted a table tennis table in the coffee area so people could improve their mental health. Which works well for the dozen or so people that like playing table tennis. Not so much for the 30 or so that can hear the stupid little ball pinging away for a couple of hours every lunch time. You can probably guess which group I am in.

ForkedIt · 27/05/2021 06:56

I went on ML before the pandemic and didn’t go back to work afterwards, but this used to piss me off too.
‘Let’s all go bowling as A tEaM’
If I wanted to go bowling, I’d go with my actual friends thanks Hmm
Not that there’s anything wrong with becoming genuine friends with the people you work with, but I know Jane can’t stand me and that Cheryl’s kid has scouts that night so let’s not pretend, eh?

EdithWeston · 27/05/2021 06:56

The minor irritation for some is outweighed enormously by the importance (and arguably duty) to check on employees wellbeing.

These events should all be in working hours though, or at least at the time people usually decamped to the pub on Fridays

Original poster
Lockdownlife101 · 27/05/2021 06:56

Thank you for your support @newnortherner111, that has made me feel so much better. This has obviously affected me as I was stressed yesterday about it and it I am still stressed upon waking up this morning. I think I will speak to her today and ask that these things be made optional.

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 27/05/2021 06:57

When i was young I suffered team days and team builders in silence but now I'm 59 it's a big fat nope.
I'll go off sick if I have to.

LadyCatStark · 27/05/2021 07:00

I do get that it can be a bit tiresome but my work is the opposite and its really affecting my mental health. I’m on my own all day everyday. No one speaks to each other, 2 of us tried to get a weekly Teams chat together and no one else bothered to come on. We’re not a team, we’re just a hunch of people doing the same job. We get the odd email about ‘well-being’ with random links fro merge internet about having house plants and things 🤨. No one from work has even asked if I’m OK in a year and 2 months!

LadyCatStark · 27/05/2021 07:00

Sorry for the typos!

NothingIsWrong · 27/05/2021 07:06

@TimeForTeaAndG

The most fun thing I contribute to my team is my use of GIFs in the chat box. It's the thing I will miss most if I go back to the office
I'm back in the office and we have carried on using the messaging system on Teams. Not all of us are in at the same time and it helps keep the connections going. Keep up the gif work!
RampantIvy · 27/05/2021 07:12

It sounds like you have a shit manager @LadyCatStark.

I get that not everyone likes work get togethers, but I find it depressing that so many of you actively dislike your work colleagues.

I have made friands at work, and we met up a few weeks ago for an afternoon's drinking. It was so lovely to see them in real life rather than on screen. I realise that I am lucky and have a great boss, and we all get on so well with each other. We are all older and have older children, and are comfortable with ourselves and each other. There is no petty bickering or bitching, and no-one is trying to compete with anyone else or trying to tread on each other's toes.

A lot of that comes from a great managemant team. There were two who did cause problems among the staff pre covid. One left and the other was made redundant, and the difference it made was astonishing. It only takes one or two bad apples to sour things for everyone else.

We also accept that not everyone is the same, and that some members of our team are quiter and not joiner inners. That's fine, and they don't feel pressured or uncomfortable.

RampantIvy · 27/05/2021 07:13

I have made friends at work Grin