Forced fun at work

[Lockdownlife101]

Such as team quizzes, inane zoom call conversations for our mental health and wellbeing, no they're the reverse actually. I started my job in lockdown and I am really loving it but I just don't fit in with this type of 'forced fun' culture. Anyone else in this situation?

Been working throughout, very stressful job and we all got infected with covid at work even though we’ve been so careful at home. Have not even had time to go to the toilet some days. Our boss has been able to work from home the whole time, the only one. When we all got back to work after being infected by covid (and dragging it home to our families, some got really sick) our boss suggested (her on zoom of course) we all should do the Jerusalem challenge. It would be fun she said. You could hear a needle drop in the (small) room we were all sitting in. We didn’t do it.

I agree with Edith, it's my team in work that has a responsibility for the 'forced fun' and it's played a big part in people staying connected. We take health, wellbeing and development seriously and our teams all have to work collaboratively so it helps to reach across departments and put faces to names. I used to be really cynical about all that but do see the value now. Of course there'll be plenty of people who don't want to bother but hopefully they'll feel supported in other ways. Surely it's better to have the option rather than not, and in our work at least it is coming from a genuine place of wanting to improve things and look after staff rather than box ticking and cringeworthy team building.

@RampantIvy I work for the council, we have managers upon managers upon managers but I don’t even know who most of them are!

We have a daily team call just to see how work is, if anyone has to pull out for special projects or needs just some time where they put their skype status on busy to avoid constant contact. Lots of our work needs a 4-eye-principle so it is important to know who is happy to be contacted frequently and who needs time off.

My direct boss calls once a week but that was already prior to lockdown as he is in a different location so doesn't see us on a daily basis.

In the beginning we had frequently calls from our local manager, especially to check if we need anything practical like IT equipment, if home schooling was causing issues or if there are other issus. They tried to see who was shielding and what support was required. That levelled off to a more normal level of meetings we would have in office as well.

I am part of a team who in normal times organises evening outs and Christmas dos etc. We tried it but it didn't really work out. Too many people didn't like having a 6pm Zoom quiz night at the dinning table when other family members had dinner or needed homework help. One of our group couldn't understand that even with a year wfh people still worked in shared spaces, she couldn't get her head around that not everyone has space for a desk in a large spare room.

We always have people who don't want to engage socially and that's ok.

@Lockdownlife101

What makes it worse is there is a lot of inane chatter and giggling. I have absolutely nothing in common with these people and I feel I have to join in or I am seen as not being a team player. My boss has dropped hints that I don't make an effort. She mentioned it's part of her development plan to build cohesion into the team so she has an agenda, but I just want to get on with my fricken job and not feel under pressure do do this shit. I don't know whether to say anything or keep my mouth shut.

Maybe suggest a serious session about building team cohesion? I suspect you're not the only one who feels that forced fun is not the way to go, and maybe you can get it through to her that this isn't working - or at least divert her attention to more productive ways of achieving what she wants.

Oh God this is my worst nightmare. We have an excruciating team meeting every week where no-one says anything except the boss who luckily likes the sound of his own voice and is an expert on everything and drones on about the weather and the football and other stuff no-one’s interested in because he’s trying to fill up the half hour. Then he keeps going on about how we must have a social and anyone with an ounce of being able to read the room can tell that everyone would rather saw off their own arm.

And at said social it’s really forced and not natural because in real life if you were in a group of 12 people you’d just talk in smaller groups not in one big group so no-one wants to talk and it’s really awkward. Aaarrghh! My blood runs cold at the thought!

I'm torn on this (despite previous post!) as we have daily team calls and the others like to gab. Fifteen mins about some nonsensical kind of beauty treatment the other day before getting down to brass tacks, plus endless home improvements waffle. I usually mute myself and go and make breakfast. Still, I appreciate connecting with them and they're a great team. I know I could talk to them about anything if I wanted to so I just sort of suck up the stuff that doesn't interest me.

Forced fun is shite in any context. No one can tell me that the best nights out aren’t those that are completely spontaneous or blossom out of “oh I’ll just come along for one”.

I'm somewhere in the middle, I love (pre covid) social events and team meals and drinks and parties and often attended them, but I do hate the zoom quizzes type crap. The worst are the "team building" events. I have work to do, I don't have time to make a sturdy bridge out of plasticine whilst blindfolded and no, it won't make me suddenly think that Dave from accounts is actually a trustworthy team player and not an obnoxious twat.

Depends if you want to be a team payer or not

some people who enjoy this stuff are completely unaware that not everyone does.

This! There are two out of six who have no life outside of work want to spend more and more time with colleagues and appear to spend most of their working hours planning more and more 'team' events completely unaware or uncaring that four of us hate it all. I try to avoid as much of it as I can. Sadly four out of six of us had 'food poisoning' after the 'team lunch' and were unable to attend the last two team events

@yellowsubmarines

some people who enjoy this stuff are completely unaware that not everyone does.

This! There are two out of six who have no life outside of work want to spend more and more time with colleagues and appear to spend most of their working hours planning more and more 'team' events completely unaware or uncaring that four of us hate it all. I try to avoid as much of it as I can. Sadly four out of six of us had 'food poisoning' after the 'team lunch' and were unable to attend the last two team events

Why would they be caring, or even be aware of it, if they are faced with excuses, avoidance and downright lies rather than the truth?

Generally the teams I have worked in really liked each other, more than happy to meet in the pub for a drink and a chat. But, enforced fun took the joy out of meeting as a group.
If they wanted to build team cohesion just buy a couple of rounds in the pub ( better still if some management left after the two).

@newnortherner111

You come to work to do a good job, which should be enough. It seems as if your manager does not really know the full range of people in the team. What would your manager do if you had a different heritage from the rest of the team, or were neurodiverse, or had recently had some traumatic event such as a bereavement?

YANBU in your thoughts and should say something, to your manager.

Thank you for this post newnortherner. I line manage someone who ticks some of those boxes and is currently getting grief from our (new) manager further up the chain, for reasons that I believe to be unfair. It's side swiped both of us and you've given me a useful new perspective on what's going on and how to try and handle it.

YANBU.

The worst job I had was one where I was expected to regularly give up evenings and weekends for some event or other. Drinks/meals out, full day trips, constant pressure to have a drink after work, weekly lunches, trips to the theatre (which I can’t stand at the best of times). Funnily enough none of them had children.

It was literally once or twice a week and I hated every minute! But I couldn’t stand the people I worked with so that might have had something to do with it

The jobs where I’ve liked the people I work with, and social occasions are maybe once every three months, are the best kind. I love my current team so it isn’t the bind that it was previously.

I’d opt out of any of the wanky shit you’re describing now though. I just couldn’t be arsed.

I think it would be nice to have someone consider our wellbeing tbh. I do for those I manage, and if I have concerns about people outside my team I will perhaps make contact with them. But as a company nothing has been done regarding wellbeing while we have been wfh and my line manager (senior leadership) makes little direct contact.

To add to my previous post, despite most of us hating forced fun, we are all actually friends as well as colleagues and message outside of work etc as well as on a group chat without being promoted! As a team we are all just about work fun though when we are already a good team that laughs a lot of the day

OP, tell your manager confidentially that you are autistic, and social team events are too traumatic and stressful for your mental wellbeing. Then simply don’t attend any future ones!

I agree with you completely.

What's worse is that when you say no thanks it's not my thing - but you guys have fun! you get messages saying please come on, it's important for your mental health to have fun and let you hair down.

But.. if that's not my idea of fun, how is that good for me in any way?

I also hate this sort of thing. When I was an IT Contractor it was great as no one asks you to join in that stuff. Now I'm perm again there are all sorts of requests. We get a lot of "join this session for your MH" type things - I just decline either with a reason "Sorry, in a client call which has to take priority" or "Thanks for the opportunity, however I feel fine at the moment and have no issues".

I would hate that but then I have the opposite problem, I hardly speak to anyone in my company. I can easily go a week with no contact with anyone

@AChickenCalledDaal

Lockdownlife101 she's not going to build cohesion if she pisses you off. If you can find a very cool, calm way of getting that across to her maybe you'd be into something.

My organisation fitted a table tennis table in the coffee area so people could improve their mental health. Which works well for the dozen or so people that like playing table tennis. Not so much for the 30 or so that can hear the stupid little ball pinging away for a couple of hours every lunch time. You can probably guess which group I am in.

I don’t know, there’s nothing bonds a team quite like unanimous dislike of a manager

YANBU

I quite like socialising with my work colleagues, but regard anything that happens outside of paid work time as optional. I find this constant mental health messaging quite draining - we've got 'take care of yourselves' suggestions all over the toilet walls and yet work demands are increasing and we are less well staffed - it makes no sense at all.

We recently had 'thank-you packages' from work. The contents were: 2 biscuits; a Twirl; a packet of cheap wildflower seeds; one individually wrapped PG Tips teabag; small sachet of scented bath salts and a mini packet of Lovehearts. Drove me crazy. Looked like someone had raided a B and B/hotel bedroom. Grrrr.

Just make excuses and don't attend. Maybe attend the odd one if that causes less hassle. Annoying.

Our wider service area have loved this stuff even before the pandemic. It was always excruciating, and normally tagged on to staff awaydays so that we couldn't avoid them. One of the few benefits of the pandemic and zoom has been the ability to say no. My entire team have refused to participate in Zoom fun. It's been noticed. We don't care.

My work used to do quiz nights, race nights etc and it was great. I loved being social with my work colleagues but we never forced people to go, those that were there wanted to be and we really did have fun but I guess that's the difference, they had a choice to say no.
The quieter ones would sometimes join us for birthday or leaving drinks on a Friday night but it was entirely up to them.
I think all should be invited to all these kind of things but no one should be forced to go.