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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say they cant come over

42 replies

Hannahgirl · 26/05/2021 19:01

I generally dont know if aibu.
My sister came come from hospital yesterday following sepis brought on by surgery. She has temporary moved in with me as she needs looking after. She cant ahower cook or even move much etc
Mil and sil have booked a hotel and are planning to come up at the weekend planned weeks ago. My sister is currently on the sofa as its the only place she can get remotely comfortable. Shes still in a lot of pain. I have asked dh if it would be ok if they dont come to the house as my sister doesn't know them and is very vulnerable and emotional just now. He says its not far and mil will be annoyed. At this point i dont care about mil one bit ( major back story) my sister is mu concern.
Aibu

OP posts:
Original poster
Hannahgirl · 26/05/2021 19:02

Sil boyfriend also coming

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 26/05/2021 19:03

I don't think this is unreasonable at all. Surely if the situation has been explained to them they wouldn't want to impose anyway?

PussGirl · 26/05/2021 19:03

Perfectly reasonable to ask them not to come to your house - your DH can meet them at their hotel

CoffeeCakey · 26/05/2021 19:07

Any one with an ounce of kindness would understand as soon as you explained she couldn't move from the sofa.

JustPinchanInch · 26/05/2021 19:09

Do not allow them to come to your home, your sister is your priority.
Your husband is being extremely selfish.

BarbarianMum · 26/05/2021 19:17

Thos is one you and your dh will have to sort out be you. Is your sis sleeping on the sofa?

HappydaysArehere · 26/05/2021 19:19

Agree with above. Could you meet up with them for a lunch and then it will look as if you do want to actually see them? Perhaps be away from your sister for a couple of hours!

StoneofDestiny · 26/05/2021 19:19

Selfish DH. I'm sure your sister could do without visitors seeing her so I'll, and you could do without making chat with them at this time.
Surely he could meet them at the hotel and take them out somewhere for the day.

picturesandpickles · 26/05/2021 19:20

YANBU, your DS is recuperating from something pretty serious. Your DH needs to speak to his DM and go to see them elsehwere.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/05/2021 19:20

Wow, that’s horrible. If he was fine for her to stay with you why does he now not care about her being comfortable? She’s been really ill, who the fuck would want to meet new people while in pain?

He can spend as much time with his family as he wants to, at their hotel or anywhere else they fancy.

You and your ill sister don’t have the option of going anywhere.

He’s being incredibly selfish.

toocold54 · 26/05/2021 19:21

Just explain the situation to them and treat them to a nice lunch somewhere fancy. Assuming your sister is on the sofa obviously if she is in a spare bedroom then YABU.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 26/05/2021 19:22

I can see why they might find it annoying if this weekend had been planned for weeks and dh was imagining he'd be able to have them round. But health has to be prioritised over socialising!

Yummymummy2020 · 26/05/2021 19:50

You are not a bit unreasonable they are wanting to impose! The last thing your sister needs are these people rocking up while she is in pain and still unwell. I agree with the poster suggesting your dh meet them at the hotel rather than your place. Your poor sister!

Original poster
Hannahgirl · 26/05/2021 19:51

Sister sleeps on sofa as its pretty high up. I do understand the disappointment as its not the same especially as we have 4 dc. She only has me as our parents are dead and no other siblings. Shes so fragile just now as she knows she came pretty close to death

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 26/05/2021 19:55

He can go meet them somewhere else.

Only selfish twats would insist on coming to the house when someone is really ill and recovering from surgery on the sofa. I can't think of anything I'd dread more than his DM and DSis turning up whilst I was lying there.

Tell him he's utterly unreasonable. There's absolutely no reason whatsoever for them to have to come round to your house. They need to accept this.

katy1213 · 26/05/2021 20:02

I'd be very tempted to tell him to sod off to his mother and not come back. Your poor sister, what a time to be inflicting strangers on her.

Overitallnow · 26/05/2021 20:12

Erm no they cannot come over.

Travis1 · 26/05/2021 20:16

Nope not unreasonable. Tell them they either can’t come to the house or if that’s such a hardship
They reschedule

Daphnise · 26/05/2021 22:02

Why can't your sister go in another room with the sofa or sofa substitute for the visit?
Is no one ever going to come in while she occupies the sofa and the room?
Sounds to me as if you just don't want them coming to visit- which is fine, but just say that, instead of all this cannot move from sofa story.

RedHelenB · 26/05/2021 22:06

Presumably with covid your dh hasn't had his family over. It's been planned and no doubt your kids have been locking forward to it too.
I would be approaching it as hoe could it happen in a way that's most comfortable for your sister?

Throckmorton · 26/05/2021 23:29

Is no one ever going to come in while she occupies the sofa and the room?

That's a bit harsh! The sister only came home from hospital yesterday! And given how ill she was, I would have thought most people could understand her need for privacy right now.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/05/2021 23:39

Why can't your sister go in another room with the sofa or sofa substitute for the visit?

Because she’s been incredibly ill. Had surgery. Has only just come out of hospital. Is staying with her sister and family who have agreed to care for her while she rests and recuperates. Why should she be hidden away for the convenience of these people she doesn’t even know?

Original poster
Hannahgirl · 27/05/2021 11:58

@Daphnise

Why can't your sister go in another room with the sofa or sofa substitute for the visit? Is no one ever going to come in while she occupies the sofa and the room? Sounds to me as if you just don't want them coming to visit- which is fine, but just say that, instead of all this cannot move from sofa story.
To be far no i dont want them here nor do i like them but i always keep my feelings to myself for my husband and kids.
OP posts:
CoffeeCakey · 27/05/2021 11:59

@Daphnise

Why can't your sister go in another room with the sofa or sofa substitute for the visit? Is no one ever going to come in while she occupies the sofa and the room? Sounds to me as if you just don't want them coming to visit- which is fine, but just say that, instead of all this cannot move from sofa story.
She has just got out of hospital she doesn't need to be made to feel like an inconvenience
Mandsy100 · 27/05/2021 11:59

Yanbu at all.