If you had a chronically ill adult DC and you could help them never work again, would you ?

[justinadob]

Would you, if you had multi millions?

I would absolutely financially help my child. Whether not working is best is another thing entirely. Some people thrive in work and would really struggle to not work, even if their financial needs were met. I think I would be cautious of creating a situation where my child ended up worse off in terms of physical and mental health because they weren't working. But I would absolutely want to help if I could.

Not sure. Would be so many variables for me.

I have a chronic illness and my parents could give me enough money that would mean I wouldn't have to work. However, I think it would effect my MH so much I am determined to work for as long as I can. Plus I love my job.

Yes, if they were trying to manage themselves as best they could. No if they were milking it and taking the piss.

Depends on their relationship with money in the past, their mental health etc. But yes if I could constructively help, then yes I would without a doubt.

I'm in a similar situation, lots of chronic health problems trying and struggling to stay in work even part time, it's an absolute nightmare. I know my parents if they had the means would want to resolve the situation for me, it wouldn't mean I wouldn't be doing anything meaningful (I've got a lot of skills, hobbies, interest in life) but the stress of trying to hold down a job whilst really struggling is truly awful and to be released from that stress would change my life immeasurably.

I can't see the point in having lots of money unless it enhances life.

I would give my son or daughter the opportunity to enhance theirs, in whatever way was most beneficial to their wellbeing

Yes, I do. And I was thinking exactly this driving home.

I would love to take the pressure off a young persons fragile mental health by providing housing and council tax and an amount to automatically cover essential bills. The house and money for bills would be in a trust so they couldn't be 'friended' for their assets.
The bare bones in effect.

They would be responsible for any extras, so they would need to try to get an education and work but this would give them the opportunity to live an independent life that otherwise wouldn't be possible. Also to work minimum hours to allow for mental health recovery.

It's a two faceted gift, one benefits the young adult and supports them to live independently.
The other allows the parent to travel and have a retirement.

If I felt that it would be in her best interests, then yes, obviously - without question.

However, I don't think it's a given that giving up work is desirable, it would depend on so many factors. I would certainly want to make my child's life as easy and fulfilling as possible, but I would have to look at the specific circumstances in order to know how best to do that. I do think that the benefits of working are significant.

If I were wealthy enough to do so, I’d want to put my DC in a position where they had security to build the type of career or work pattern that was sustainable and beneficial to them long-term.

I’d be worried by it being framed as enabling them to ‘give up work’, though, and I’d question if what I could do would really be a long-term solution for them and not just storing up issues in the future.

So I don’t think it’s an easy answer, really.

Chronically ill person here, receiving enhanced mobility PIP and standard daily living rate PIP. Reduced working hours from 80+ to just 9 since diagnosis in 2019.

I have various debilitating conditions including autoimmune issues, whole-of-body arthritis and inflammation...fibromyalgia, costochondritis, hypermobility, uveitis, asthma and so on.

Prognosis is not great and I have very limited movement. 19 tablets a day plus biologic injection, bi-annual MRI’s for life.

My parents are wealthy. £4m+ cash in various ISA’s, trusts, bonds, etc plus several properties. Disposable income after all bills is roughly £9k a month. They were advised to give me a lump sum now to purchase a property because my severe drop of income meant I was no longer eligible for a mortgage. This was to get it it out of their estate (IHT threshold etc) and help me financially. It took a long time and a lot of convincing for me to accept the help & I drew up a contract that if they needed it or want it back, I will deal with that accordingly.

When I got my first ever Saturday job as a 15 year old, they charged me 25% of my earnings as rent. It was a good lesson for me, that you have to responsible with it.

Personally I try to work as much as I can to keep as much of the ‘old’ me as possible. I am losing so much of ‘me’ that I need to remind myself that that person still exists to a degree. I’m still me....my body has just changed but having said that, it is UTTERLY exhausting and draining.

@mainsfed

Where are all these parents with multi millions coming from. First the OP who wanted to leave her multi million pound business to 1 DC only now this.

Funny you mention that one.

I would help, yes. I might not 'fix it so they didn't have to work' as that's a big undertaking and not necessarily a help, but I'd find a way to help and would happily spend money on that.

Yes, dd has multiple chronic illnesses and struggles. As she gets older I don't know how she will keep a job down. She currently lives at home with us and can stay as long as she needs but I worry she doesn't want to be spending her adult life living with us, it's not fair on her.

I wish I could buy her a house, etc.

Yes

Limited and facile question that has no right answer. I don’t see how asking it would help with any situation.

If I had multi millions I would even if my child didn't have a health condition.

If I could and it actually was beneficial as you describe, yes

Yea. Absolutely 100% yes.

Is working in a nice supportive environment at a pace and time/frequency you can cope with, good for most people? Yes.

Is worrying about being fired for taking sick leave, working far more than you are able to, stressed about what will happen if you can no longer work, making yourself physically worse by doing to much - good for you? No it fucking isn’t.

Struggles with work stress and future money worries could be wiped out by very wealthy parents who refuse to help
This could be so many things though. If it’s one job stressing them, is it a case of just helping whilst they look for something else, but that is assuming they are.

Or is it that any work stresses them, in which case what are they doing about it, or are they just expecting mum and dad to bail them out.

I think the circumstances of each family is complex and no one knows enough about them to cast a judgement so best to keep out of it.

It would depend entirely on the circumstances. If they really couldn't work, I would help them out and I'd support them to reduce hours if that was possible, but I wouldn't facilitate withdrawing entirely from the workforce, if they were able to continue in some capacity. I've seen too often that it's a downward spiral and despite how it sometimes feels, work is good for us, if we can.

In the sick adult's shoes, I'd be very reluctant to become dependent on this support, mind.

Yes, I absolutely would.

Not working isn't actually good for most people.

I'd help alleviate the stress certainly - buy them a small, low maintenance property perhaps. I wouldn't completely remove the need to work at least a bit under most circumstances though. Its bad for most people's mental health long term. Of course huge levels of stress and strain and commitments which feel impossible are too. Part time work is good for most though - hobbies and volunteering don't fill the same role, partly because they're far too optional, though they're better than nothing.

I would let them know that I would aways be their safety net.

And then see what they might want or need.

(If I was this mythical multi-millionaire, I would have already bought all my DC a house and a car, and would expect to be coughing up for their offsprings' school/university fees idc)

I've been very mentally ill twice in my teens.

The first time at 14: generalized anxiety disorder after traumatic event. Several panic attacks a day, heavily medicalised, etc. My parents were fantastic: sought every kind of help, really facilitated things for me regarding school by going, explaining the situation, etc. I had a free pass to get out of lessons and talk to the school psychologist, could arrive later and leave earlier at school. Missed lots of lessons due to sheer panic. Was able to leave that school to my country's equivalent of sixth form with very high grades and a very generous scholarship to an excellent school.

Second time at 17: severe, severe depression, to the point my doctors warned my parents to hide sharp objects from me. Again: best help money could buy. New psychiatrist, at my request, which was private and wouldn't be covered by medical insurance. New psychologist, same. Talked to school, sometimes I would go for one lesson a day. That was celebrated, because I had managed to get out of the house. I was at a school system that required a minimum grade of 70% in all subjects to graduate, and I didn't get to pick my subjects: That year, I had 20 different teachers. I nearly failed Chemistry, and had to go to "summer school" to achieve that elusive 70%. I did, and I never saw my parents as happy as they were when I graduated high school.

I was emotionally exhausted after all that. So I asked my parents for a year off before university. They agreed, but said if I needed more than a year, I would need to find a part time job, seeing as many friends of my parents' had freeloaders for children and they were wary I might follow the same path. I didn't, of course. Eventually got accepted into the very best university in my country, and am now about to graduate.

So yes, if I were in my parents' situation one day, and I could really help my children, of course I would do so, because I can acknowledge how much my parents' help helped me before. Frankly, I'm not sure I would be here today if they hadn't done so much for me.

Yes I'd help them financially but I'd encourage them to do something manageable - whether it's paid or not.