Childcare - help me work it out?

[Merryoldgoat]

I’m in an absolute state with my childcare and don’t know what to do for the best so hoping someone may have some advice/suggestions.

DS1 - 8, mainstream school but has HFA - currently very settled at school and performing well. Has EHCP.

DS2 - 3, starting the nursery attached to the mainstream school in September. He has ASD and us currently non-verbal/pre-verbal except for some echolalia relating to his favourite books and cartoons and songs. Currently with CM 3 x per week and PIL 1 day.

Although DS2 is starting the nursery he will likely need a specialist setting by Reception if not before and there is a resourced base at the same school so if it suits him he will go there.

So how do I structure everything?

Currently DH is wfh so does all school drops and I drop to CM or PIL - the pick ups are mixed.

I currently work 29 hrs over 4 days.

Once school starts in Sept my CM is no longer available.

So my options:

1. After school nanny for both boys 3 days per week, then three full days during school holidays. This is pretty expensive but we can afford it. PIL will pick up other day.

1. I change my hours so work 5 days but finish by 2.30 to collect every day. DH would do majority of drop offs. School holidays would then need full time care.

1. Something else? I don’t know?

I’m worried younger will not cope with 30 hours at nursery but if that happens his current CM will have him back as now so I have a contingency.

I just don’t know how to get something as stress-free as possible and I’m starting to get quite anxious about it all.

DH - will be back in town 3 days a week from Sept but likely can change start time but if he’s in late to drop off he can’t do pick up.

At the moment we have 5 days and not one is the same as another which is frankly exhausting when planning the week.

I love working and my job but I’m finding it all very stressful and feel constantly on edge which is shit for all.

Anyone with a magic solution??

I personally would go for the nanny option, so that you get one day a week to yourself, where you can food shop/ errand run during school hours. But my sister was in a similar situation hours wise, and changed to 5 days to 2.30.

I'd go with option 1. It means continuety of care during the holidays.

@KnobJockey (what a great name)

I think you’re probably right - it’s just a big adjustment having someone in the house but I think both boys will benefit from the continuity and being at home.

Could your youngest do 2 days with the current childminder and 3 days at nursery? PIL could collect and do wraparound care 1 day a week?

@Ponoka7

I'd go with option 1. It means continuety of care during the holidays.

Thank you. I think this is probably the right move.

Luckily I have agreed a flexible term at work from September to get the younger one settled and help with transitions.

I think the Nanny idea would be best but I'm not sure how easy it would be to get the mix of hours you want. I would think that most nannies who only want 3 after school sessions a week might not want 3 full days a week in the school holidays.

A nanny share might work.

@DeathStare

Could your youngest do 2 days with the current childminder and 3 days at nursery? PIL could collect and do wraparound care 1 day a week?

I think that would be too much instability for him - new nursery plus CM might be a bit overwhelming and I’m fairly sure school will want him full time if they are getting the funded hours for him.

I’d personally do option 2. You get more done with 5 short days. And you’d save the money for the nanny.

I think a nanny would be your best bet. That's what we went with. My eldest is in special school (ASD) and we got to age 8 before we went down the nanny route for after school. Our nanny is great with little things like the kids washing, emptying the dishwasher, tidying and sorting toys which frees you up too.

However you may struggle to find someone 3 afternoons a week then holidays (most likely a student) who is a good fit so if you can retain the flexibility to work 5 short days, that would be ideal.

@shiningstar2

I think the Nanny idea would be best but I'm not sure how easy it would be to get the mix of hours you want. I would think that most nannies who only want 3 after school sessions a week might not want 3 full days a week in the school holidays.

Yes, I worried about that too. I was wondering if it might suit a student? As they aren’t babies it’s a bit less intense.

The other x-factor is finding someone willing to look after 2 autistic children. Some will just think ‘no way’ so my pool get narrower further.

I’ve been looking forward to that day to myself for so long - I feel so ragged at the moment and the thought of having a day a week to just do my own thing was kind of keeping me going

If you can find a good housekeeper, that am really work out. Mine started at 2, did an hours cleaning picked up the kids at 3.20, gave them a snack, carried on cleaning or played with them depending on whether they wanted to just watch CBeebies or interact (asd dd had Tweenies as her after school reward so generally tv) she made dinner for us all and left circa 6pm once I got in

I’d start with 5 days at work. It gives you and the DC some stability in your routine while you get to grips with everything. Would your employer let you do 4 longer days in the hols to do the same hours? Or once your DC is settled you could see about changing back?
It’s a pain to give up your day off and holidays could be harder to cover but I think it would be worth it for the headspace!

@PlanDeRaccordement

I’d personally do option 2. You get more done with 5 short days. And you’d save the money for the nanny.

My actual reticence with option 2 is the short days - I don’t like them - I find I’m less productive but of course I can adjust if needed.

I do like the idea of only having to pay for holiday care though.

I would do 2.

Getting a part time childminder who can do wrap around and also full time in the school holidays is like looking for a unicorn. It will be even harder to get the right person for your children's additional needs.

For the school holidays, you could use a specialist playscheme (they do exist, I know of one locally specifically for children with additional needs) or family or annual leave.

@motogogo

If you can find a good housekeeper, that am really work out. Mine started at 2, did an hours cleaning picked up the kids at 3.20, gave them a snack, carried on cleaning or played with them depending on whether they wanted to just watch CBeebies or interact (asd dd had Tweenies as her after school reward so generally tv) she made dinner for us all and left circa 6pm once I got in

That’s an interesting idea...

My current cleaner might be interested in an arrangement like that. I’ll definitely think on that.

Thank you.

@Cactuslockdown

Yes - the plan is to start 5 short days and see how it goes. And work are very accommodating and would let me do 4 days during school holidays (I work at a school).

I agree about headspace being as valuable as a day off!!

Option 2 is just what I would do, you are different to me, so might not be best for you. Other advantages to it though are
-employer will view you on par with FT employees as you will have M-F presence. Less likely to suffer motherhood penalty of being passed over for promotions and pay raises.
-easier to step up to FT when children are older
-you are spending the time with your DCs every day that otherwise a nanny would. And as your DCs are neurodiverse, you or their father know them best and how to keep them happy.

Just make sure that your DH is also part of the solution too. It can’t all fall back on you. Eg when kids are sick? Who calls off? Can’t be you every time.

I work part-time over 5 days so that I am always available at pickup and can make meetings and appts during the school day which is especially helpful with non-NT kids.. I have no commute so this works for me.

@PlanDeRaccordement

Those are all really good points.

DH generally stays off when ill and is very involved. He will certainly share drop offs (and collections where possible).

I’m hoping that we get some clarity on his wfh arrangements as that could make a big difference too.

Just noticed you don’t like the short days. I actually prefer them. I work in intense bursts and feel I’m more effective. This is highly personal and not everyone is going to be the same.

Hi op. My dd 9 has ASD and I also have NT DD 7. Since dd1 started school, we've had a childminder for wraparound and holidays, both around 3 days a week. It's worked well for us.

Is there any scope to find a new cm?

What is your holiday childcare plan? I didn't think dd would cope with playschemes, hence cm. It does work out more expensive than playschemes but cheaper than a nanny.

I work 4 full days and can understand your reluctance to change. My day off is an absolute life saver for my wellbeing. Also don't like finishing at 3 as I am v productive 3-5! Appointments and school things were always within school hours here so it wouldn't help with that - but may be different for you.

Are you near a university? You could potentially have a pool of students looking to become teachers in which case, looking after SEN children might appeal to them. Obviously not all trainee teachers are aiming to teach in SEN schools but a few might be. It's good experience for their CV and far less intimidating than jumping into a whole class at a school when they're doing their PGCE.

@Castlepeak

I don’t BUT I can manage it if I have to and it makes sense to try.

@Xmasbaby11

I could find a new CM but older DS finds CM tricky - he currently uses an after school club twice a week. Which just adds to the PM chaos 😣

Older DS doesn’t like the holiday clubs which I find quite tricky - there are some lovely ones we’ve tried but none of his friends do them so he feels lonely and I do get that.

In terms of appointments etc I’m given every flexibility because my current manager is very hands-off and trusts me and knows I get the job done. However how long will that last?