Childcare - help me work it out?

[Merryoldgoat]

I’m in an absolute state with my childcare and don’t know what to do for the best so hoping someone may have some advice/suggestions.

DS1 - 8, mainstream school but has HFA - currently very settled at school and performing well. Has EHCP.

DS2 - 3, starting the nursery attached to the mainstream school in September. He has ASD and us currently non-verbal/pre-verbal except for some echolalia relating to his favourite books and cartoons and songs. Currently with CM 3 x per week and PIL 1 day.

Although DS2 is starting the nursery he will likely need a specialist setting by Reception if not before and there is a resourced base at the same school so if it suits him he will go there.

So how do I structure everything?

Currently DH is wfh so does all school drops and I drop to CM or PIL - the pick ups are mixed.

I currently work 29 hrs over 4 days.

Once school starts in Sept my CM is no longer available.

So my options:

1. After school nanny for both boys 3 days per week, then three full days during school holidays. This is pretty expensive but we can afford it. PIL will pick up other day.

1. I change my hours so work 5 days but finish by 2.30 to collect every day. DH would do majority of drop offs. School holidays would then need full time care.

1. Something else? I don’t know?

I’m worried younger will not cope with 30 hours at nursery but if that happens his current CM will have him back as now so I have a contingency.

I just don’t know how to get something as stress-free as possible and I’m starting to get quite anxious about it all.

DH - will be back in town 3 days a week from Sept but likely can change start time but if he’s in late to drop off he can’t do pick up.

At the moment we have 5 days and not one is the same as another which is frankly exhausting when planning the week.

I love working and my job but I’m finding it all very stressful and feel constantly on edge which is shit for all.

Anyone with a magic solution??

I really think you need to try to hang onto that one day you have at home. I’m a widowed parent, two DC, one with ADHD and I need that day, and I bet you need it at least as much as I do.

@MilduraS

Are you near a university? You could potentially have a pool of students looking to become teachers in which case, looking after SEN children might appeal to them. Obviously not all trainee teachers are aiming to teach in SEN schools but a few might be. It's good experience for their CV and far less intimidating than jumping into a whole class at a school when they're doing their PGCE.

I am actually, I’m in London and quite near to two universities as well as being near the tube so quite accessible.

Do you think I could advertise at the university? There used to be a job board (the physical kind) in my day so maybe there’s an online one?

I suppose I could offer a contract with skeleton hours with the possibility of more? Obviously I’d register as an employer and meet holiday/pension obligations etc.

I might think about that more.

@tunnocksreturns2019

I really think you need to try to hang onto that one day you have at home. I’m a widowed parent, two DC, one with ADHD and I need that day, and I bet you need it at least as much as I do.

Oh Tunnocks - that sounds very hard.

Sometimes I feel utterly defeated even though I’m really well supported. I really feel for you

We have great success with using subject specific holiday clubs for HFA dd. So she gets a week of astronomy, a week of biology. A week of ceramics. It’s a logistical nightmare, but the kind of HC that she tends to love tend to attract kids like her so it’s really fantastic. She gets to spend summer with her people even if she doesn’t know them in advance.

@Castlepeak

I’m going to look into these further. Thank you.

If you are in London, try Koru Kids. Some of their nannies are older.

I would do five short days and see if your PIL might do two afternoons instead of one full day to give you a bit of space but the kids have someone they know around. I’d also hire in some help (if you don’t already) like grocery delivery, cleaner etc to try to make life simpler for you and your DH. Then you both take annual leave and have PIL for school holidays if possible.

I think the consistency of care might be important for your littlest one given the new nursery, at least for the first 6-12 months.

A nanny is great assuming you can find the right one and they stay around long enough to get routines going but that’s not always so easy.

@JADS

If you are in London, try Koru Kids. Some of their nannies are older.

I did wonder as I see the adverts but I’m not sure I’d have the consistency I need. I’ll look thought. Thank you.

@OhSayWhat

Thank you - I’m not sure I’d get the right person long term either with a nanny - the funny hours are tricky.

I will talk to PIL. The thing is they are in their 70s and whilst very fit, two active boys are hard work, even without the additional needs. They all adore each other which is lovely but it does mean they stretch themselves a bit because they want to see them and help out.

I ask repeatedly if it’s too much but they’re adamant.

Is your DH’s job totally non-negotiable in terms of Mon-Fri 5x days a week? If he could work longer hours 4x days a week, then you could do 4x days and just need the nanny option 3x days, with PIL for back-up. That would presumably mean he couldn’t do morning drop-offs but if you’re only dropping to 1 location could your work flex the beginning of the day instead?

In the holidays you would still need to find 3x days cover but annual leave, kind PIL etc would sort most of that.

@Merryoldgoat I work at a university and we use the intranet to advertise jobs if they come up. My job is managing students on particular courses but I wouldn't be easy to find as an outsider. The best bet would be to contact the careers and employability service (or a similarly titled department). They'd either contact someone like me (if they're more about careers after graduation) or post the job on the intranet themselves if they tend to help with work experience and placements.

@NoSquirrels

He wouldn’t be compress but there is some flex around start times and WFH. We talked last night and there are a few options. It’s all just so full on.

@MilduraS

That’s very helpful - thank you very much.