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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so bored with weekends and how much my family’s hobbies take up

39 replies

CroneAVirus · 23/05/2021 19:59

Saturday all the kids are in various clubs until lunch time. They all love doing their sports so no chance of getting them to give it up. DH drops them off and then goes for a long run so I have to be around to pick them up (staggered finish times). Then on Sunday DH always goes for an absolutely piss-taking amount of time on a bike ride. Usually doesn’t get back until after lunch. Basically the weekends are pretty much a right off. It’s so boring and monotonous for me. I can’t even just go out on my own because of all the timings of the clubs pick ups.

Not even sure there’s an answer except wait for the DCs to get old enough to get to clubs on their own steam. What I really want is for DH to stop buggering off for four hours every Sunday but it’s the only chance he has to exercise all week. From Mon-Fri he’s out of the house from 7am-8pm and during that time he’s either sitting at a desk or sitting in his car, so it would be unfair of me to ask him to stop.

I just find I dread weekends. They’re so dull. Everyone’s posting pictures of lovely lunches in pubs, etc and I’m elbow deep in sandwiches, waiting for DH to get back so I can go to Aldi without having to take all 3 DCs with me.

I just feel weekends shouldn’t be this...shit?

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 23/05/2021 20:02

I wouldn't be happy with that , so the only family time is after lunch on a Sunday and lots of places close early on a Sunday anyway. He goes for a long run on a Saturday , surely he can cut his bike ride down on Sundays ?

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 23/05/2021 20:06

From your post, it sounds like there is time on Saturday afternoon and Sunday afternoon?

We have kids activities Saturday morning but we’ll generally do something together Saturday afternoon/have friends round/go out for dinner/cinema. Or I’ll go out and meet the girls for a catch up/coffee/wine (if DH gets his ‘me’ time on Sunday morning, yours could be Saturday afternoon).

What is it you’d like to do? Make it happen.

DelphiniumBlue · 23/05/2021 20:06

No real solutions here, but I do feel for you!
I was by myself with 3 DC a lot when they were younger because of DH's shifts, and yes, it was hard.
However nowadays online deliveries are easily available, or if you must go to Aldi for cost reasons, go in the evening during the week.
And it sounds like you could re-arrange Saturdays- maybe DH could an earlier run so that he is back in time to collect the DC? And maybe he could do an earlier ride on Sundays so that he is back in time for lunch?
Do you work during the week? Just wondering when you get time to exercise/do your own thing.

HavelockVetinari · 23/05/2021 20:07

He's taking the piss. Most parents manage to exercise by either getting up early or going to bed late. 4h x 2 on both weekend days is a massive pisstake! When do you spend time as a family?

My only caveat would be - if you don't work and the DC are at school then it's a smidge more reasonable, but he still needs to make time for family stuff all together!

If you do work, or have a preschooler, then he's a selfish thoughtless person.

partyatthepalace · 23/05/2021 20:08

You and DH take alternate Sundays - he can bike on his and you do what you want on yours.

He might Moan a bit but that is obviously fair.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 23/05/2021 20:09

You have all of Saturday morning to yourself? I wouldn’t see that as a problem.

Ratatattatpat · 23/05/2021 20:11

I think your dh's long working hours during the week are the problem. There aren't enough hours in the week to fit in much else other than a bit of exercise, grocery shopping and housework if you spend 13 hours a day working and travelling to and from work. I think other than exercising together with the children as well, ordering your groceries online and getting a cleaner there is not much that can be done if he continues to work those hours.

OhMyAttic · 23/05/2021 20:13

Four hours...how far does he go? And how far away is his work? Can't he cycle to work one day a week?

Temp023 · 23/05/2021 20:15

Get him to do his ride on a Saturday while the kids are at clubs, you’d have to drop off and pick up but you are then free the rest of the weekend. He can do his long run one evening in the week.

Mellonsprite · 23/05/2021 20:20

Can he do his bike ride on Saturday afternoon, so he’s not hogging all of Sunday? It’s very unbalanced at present, he needs to compromise more.

ClarkeGriffin · 23/05/2021 20:33

Nothing you can do really. You get time by yourself while the kids are in clubs. You have afternoons on both days to do something as a family. You're just not organising something with your husband. Unless you speak up and suggest something, how is anyone to know?

Sounds like you spend too much time on social media too. People generally only post the good stuff remember. It's not all idyllic lunches in pubs.

Original poster
CroneAVirus · 23/05/2021 20:33

Do you work during the week? Just wondering when you get time to exercise/do your own thing

I’m a physiotherapist and I have a private practice so to be fair I do manage to get in my own leisure/exercise time during the week.

Maybe I should just make some concrete plans for the Saturday afternoon so that everyone has to stick to them? Feels a bit like extra mental load though. Usually by the time DH is back and has showered and changed it’s gone 2pm and I just end up doing the ironing or something.

I know it sounds bad, but I spent so much time on other the DCs during lockdown and homeschooling, I kind of don’t want to be left on my own with them for most of Sunday every week as well. I feel like we’ve all spent too much time together as it is! I want DH around more to dilute the intenseness.

OP posts:
Original poster
CroneAVirus · 23/05/2021 20:37

You have all of Saturday morning to yourself? I wouldn’t see that as a problem

Not really. DCs clubs are staggered so I only really get about 45 mins between one drop off and one pick up/drop off. It’s a pain. Luckily it’s close.

I agree with a PP - DH’s long hours are compounding the problem. He has to fit in a week’s worth of leisure time into a weekend.

OP posts:
RandomUsernameHere · 23/05/2021 20:41

Why don't you arrange to meet up with friends (with DC of similar ages) on Sundays? Then it wouldn't matter what DH does. Or arrange to do something nice just you and the DC. Alternatively, could DH start his bike ride early, then get back mid morning and have most of the day together?

Thebookswereherfriends · 23/05/2021 20:43

He needs to go out earlier on Sunday and maybe do his run in the evening on Saturday or only do it every other week so that twice a month you can plan an afternoon out.

Original poster
CroneAVirus · 23/05/2021 20:45

Why don't you arrange to meet up with friends (with DC of similar ages) on Sundays

I do actually do this quite often! But then it annoys me because I end up having to make mum small talk while trying to stop my boys fighting the play date kids and DH gets a whole day to himself to chill kid-free.

I am just having a moan aren’t I? I think I just need the kids to get older and to make more fun plans.

OP posts:
Delatron · 23/05/2021 20:46

I could have written this post. Whilst I’m pleased kids are back at sports. It’s always in different locations so DH and I divide and conquer. Then the dog needs walking.
DH used to spend hours doing a sport too. Though he’s injured at the moment.

I get very jealous seeing all these photos on Facebook about days out and lovely lunches out.
Don’t even want to go out late in the evening as invariably I’ll have to get up early and drive a child to a tournament the next morning.

Not sure what the answer is (injure your DH 🤣)?
Sometimes I just book a day out with friends (in London) and disappear off and leave him to deal with it all. That’s bliss but only happens once every 6 months or so. Maybe try and get a few things in the diary and leave him to it on those days?

I completely understand not looking forward to the weekends. I’m relieved when Monday arrives and I work!

Aduckandachick · 23/05/2021 20:46

I’d send H if biking on a Saturday morning and do the club runs myself.

cupsofcoffee · 23/05/2021 20:46

Can you alternate who's responsible for the Saturday activities so you both get a full Saturday morning off?

One week, you do all pick ups and drop-offs and he has the morning free to run or cycle, and the following week, he does it all and you're then free to go off and do whatever you fancy doing?

I don't think it's fair that he gets both weekend mornings to himself.

RandomUsernameHere · 23/05/2021 20:50

@CroneAVirus

Why don't you arrange to meet up with friends (with DC of similar ages) on Sundays

I do actually do this quite often! But then it annoys me because I end up having to make mum small talk while trying to stop my boys fighting the play date kids and DH gets a whole day to himself to chill kid-free.

I am just having a moan aren’t I? I think I just need the kids to get older and to make more fun plans.

You don't sound moany at all, it definitely sounds quite tiresome! I would have said YANBU but I'm marathon training at the moment and Saturdays are my long run days, so it would make me a hypocrite Grin completely get where you're coming from though
Tiffanny · 23/05/2021 20:50

Sounds monotonous OP

This Saturday coming, book a table at a pub for 3pm. It's going to be warm and sunny. Pub lunch/early supper and a few drinks: so where you can walk to and from so you can have a few drinks.

doorornottodoor · 23/05/2021 20:50

If he wants to do his bike ride (as well as his run) then he gets up at 6 and is back at 10 so you can go and do stuff as a family. Or you can have some time.

AppleSouffle · 23/05/2021 20:51

How long is his run on a Saturday that means that he’s not showered and dressed until 2pm? Even if your DCs start their activities at 10am that is FOUR hours. Nobody runs for four (or even three) hours! He needs to get going as soon as he’s dropped them off so that he’s back in time for lunch so you can all go out together in the afternoon.

katy1213 · 23/05/2021 20:52

Drop the clubs and let them play in the garden - you don't have to facilitate children's lives at the expense of your own.
Husband can choose either Saturday or Sunday - but not both.
If needs more exercise, he can cycle to work.
You do not have to be at the bottom of the food chain!

doorornottodoor · 23/05/2021 20:52

One of my friends husband is a mad keen golfer and plays every weekend. He’s a decent considerate bloke though so plays at 7am so he can get back for time with the kids.