I have just composed the following email to my son's teachers. We are overwhelmed at home, and at breaking point. I have 2 young children in yr 3 and yr1. My yr3 son has Autism and ADHD. I am a single parent. They don't see their father. My boyfriend is a FT teacher with his own child and doesn't live with me - so no room to help there. My Mum lives 80 miles away, so no support there either. I'm an only child, so no other family support. So basically I'm doing all this myself as well as working as a midwife.
Do you think this email comes across as aggressive, or offensive? I've run it past my boyfriend (yr 2 teacher) and mum (recently retired primary head and current ofsted inspector) who have both told me to get it sent. But I'm an anxious mess right now as I'm very much a person who has to do the right thing, follow the rules etc. but this time, my son needs me to stand up for him. And I need to create a better balance at home for us. I don't want my son to suffer though by not doing the work. So I feel like I can't win 🤷♀️.
"As a family, we are struggling with the amount of homework/spellings/reading that there is to complete due to how long the process takes with X, and also having a sibling needing to complete a similar level of work too. Previous conversations we have had you have told me that X is able to do this work independently. This has not been the case. X's rigidity and fixed thinking (due to his Autism) means he struggles to do what he perceives as work outside of the "work environment" ie. school. This is why homeschooling was so incredibly difficult. A 30 minute meltdown on average at having to do homework at weekends (this has been the case throughout his education) is not him being able to work independently. Once he actually sits down to do it, it still involves me keeping him on track, constant reminders, keeping him focused etc. If I allow him to complete the work "independently" then he is not reading it, and doing what he thinks he should. Therefore he learns nothing from the exercise. As such I am questioning what point there is in doing homework for him. It feels like a box tick exercise rather than a learning opportunity. I want X to enjoy learning as he does at school.
With spellings, X can't sit on an ipad quietly and just get on with them. Perhaps he can in school, but again at home he is distracted by his environment. It is just not the same as school, and never can be. It is no easier getting him to write them out. It results in the same level of protest and meltdown as he is so fixed in his way of thinking. Reward charts and other means of bribery are not helpful at home either.
We already struggle to fit reading and spellings in as Monday, Tuesday and Thursday (my most common shift pattern) we only get home at 5.15-5.30. This leaves 1 hour 30 to make dinner, eat, read with both children, try and do spellings, his sibling has numbots to do also , have a bedtime story, try and fit baths in at some point etc. Both children are tired and ready for bed at 7, with lights out at 7.30 after stories. They get very little down time to spend as a family which is important for children.
Going forward, we will be prioritising reading as this is the key to all learning and something X needs lots of support with to make progress. We will not be completing homework unless X will do so of his own volition as this is not something that is benefiting him currently. I will review this as X gets older.
I hope you can understand my reasons for this. I believe children need a balance of work and rest/fun. At present, particularly for X, the balance is tipped greatly towards work. I want to give him a better balance and reduce the amount of meltdowns we are having and have a happier child.
If it is possible to facilitate doing homework or spellings in after school provision then this of course would be welcomed especially if X is less resistant in the school environment."
Please help. I want to send this tomorrow morning.