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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think saying someone ‘needs a good slapping’ is wrong?

54 replies

MeAndThe · 23/05/2021 17:27

Do you think that if someone annoys you for some reason that it’s okay to say ‘they need a good slapping’?

I don’t really think this sort of language should be seen as okay and passed off as just something people say, but I know some people feel differently. So just wondering if I’m in the minority.

YABU - it’s ok to say someone needs a good slapping

YANBU - it’s not ok to say someone needs a good slapping

OP posts:
picturesandpickles · 23/05/2021 19:16

OP - I just think you are a bit ahead of the times! Think how much language has evikved since the 60s/70s. Things we took as jokes are now unacceptable. I think this is going to be unacceptable in future. It is a pretty grim thing to say and I do view people who say it as a bit grim.

picturesandpickles · 23/05/2021 19:16

evikved??? evolved obv

lottiegarbanzo · 23/05/2021 19:19

I've only ever heard quite rough or very sexist people use this phrase. It's coarse and aggressive.

Original poster
MeAndThe · 23/05/2021 19:20

OP - I just think you are a bit ahead of the times!

Well thank you very much. Grin 🤣🤣🤣 I always knew I was cool! 🤣 I will wait for mumsnet (and the world) to catch up with me. 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
SappysCurry · 23/05/2021 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MeAndThe · 23/05/2021 19:30

SappysCurry

That’s dreadful. That ‘man’ is clearly a disgusting individual and should be given an appropriate prison sentence and banned from ever having animals. Very happy to read the dog has now found a lovely new home.

I think this particular ‘turn of phrase’ is used about people who have just been a bit annoying though, not abusive.

OP posts:
SappysCurry · 23/05/2021 19:33

Yes, sorry I realise that now
The comments on the web page are ‘interesting’ though
Quite local to me so hit a nerve
Sorry
I have asked for it to be withdrawn

Original poster
MeAndThe · 23/05/2021 19:40

SappysCurry

No worries. Dog lover here. I have dogs that are spoilt rotten and centre of our world so completely get your anger for people like that.

OP posts:
MindyStClaire · 23/05/2021 19:47

I think it's all about context and tone. The new boyfriend saying it about a child, vile. Me on the sofa saying it to DH about Boris Johnson after the latest story of his incompetence, meh. In that case it's clearly figurative.

Macncheeseballs · 23/05/2021 19:51

I generally think its only idiots who talk about wanting to commit acts of violence on others

lolliwillowes · 23/05/2021 20:12

@MeAndThe

I suppose I expected more from a parenting website, used mainly by women.
many women still have a dark sense of humour, or a cutting sarcasm, that itsnt really gendered. It also helps sometimes to let off steam. I doubt anyone would truly wish to slap someone.

we've all encountered this ugly, toxic tone when it is meant in a truly aggressive way, often uttered by men. I can usually tell the difference, and it is the tone that sets it apart.

ive heard a relative say 'he needs a good slapping' said in playful annoyance, and ive heard my friends abusive ex say it about her - different.

personally it depends upon who you are with. I would only utter such shite in the company of like minded friends, etc. they'd know what I was inferring.

lolliwillowes · 23/05/2021 20:13

also, I don't like being policed, as a woman, buy a fucking woman, on the internet, either.

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/05/2021 20:17

I think it's all about context and tone. The new boyfriend saying it about a child, vile. Me on the sofa saying it to DH about Boris Johnson after the latest story of his incompetence, meh.

I completely agree @MindyStClaire.

Sometimeswinning · 23/05/2021 20:19

I say it about my bil all the time. He needs one to realise he's not invincible! Will I give him one, no. Would I care if someone gave him one, yes but it may make him think twice about being a twat (abusive to partners, family any random who looks in his direction) I'd prefer a good slapping to having the shit kicked out of him I guess.

OppsUpsSide · 23/05/2021 20:28

The context/tone is clearly very important it it is a turn of phrase but could also be used as a threat. I don’t think it needs to be banned from MN because it is a site used ‘mainly by women’ Confused

ClareBlue · 23/05/2021 20:28

It makes me cringe and I would never say it.
It normalizes violence and plenty who say it do actually slap people, usually their female partner or children. It is mostly directed at women and needs to be made unacceptable.
I think when David Moyes said it about a female reporter for asking him a question he didn't like, about sums up how it is generally used. Pretty misogynistic and with undertones of violence.
Can not think when it would be ok to use it, ever.

UhtredRagnarson · 23/05/2021 20:29

I’m in Northern Ireland. I won’t tell you some of things I’ve threatened to do to people Blush Grin

OppsUpsSide · 23/05/2021 20:31

Me on the sofa saying it to DH about Boris Johnson after the latest story of his incompetence, meh.

I think this is a good example of when it’s perfectly acceptable.

Manydaysgoby · 23/05/2021 20:33

Today 19:03 Rosebel

I think most people who say it won't actually do it so the saying doesn't bother me. It does bother me if they actually would slap someone“

So why say it?

Ok, I sometimes think it but what’s the point of saying it out loud ?

I know that even thinking it is wrong.

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/05/2021 20:35

I can imagine @UhtredRagnarson.GrinGrinGrin

OppsUpsSide · 23/05/2021 20:36

I know that even thinking it is wrong.

😂 I hope you give yourself a good talking too every time you wrong think in this way. For shame!

UhtredRagnarson · 23/05/2021 20:37

@DioneTheDiabolist

I can imagine *@UhtredRagnarson*.GrinGrinGrin
😂
DumbestBlonde · 23/05/2021 20:38

It has been said ABOUT me, within my earshot, by a mouthy little staff member in Tesco (M) - on his headset to another (F) staff member.
I hate the expression even more now that I ever did, as it has never been directed towards me before. But it is still awful, no matter who it is about or directed towards.

(I got confused in the early lockdown last year and after being shouted at and shown up by him when I got the one queuing aisle wrong , so had to put down my handful of shopping and leave the store due a low level panic attack.)

ClareBlue · 23/05/2021 20:42

The thing is people are not saying they will do it. They are saying the person deserves it. So you are basically saying if somebody anoys you it us ok for them to be slapped by somebody.
We've all heard that shite in other context and some of us might even have been slapped because we 'deserved' it.
We get rid of plenty of 'turn of phrases' as we evolve our societies.
Time for this to go.

partyatthepalace · 23/05/2021 20:42

I think it’s quite aggressive but I would say it, occasionally, when someone was being a total arse (as in a fully functioning adult colleague, not a child.) have never hit anyone, for clarity.

Kick up the arse is milder to me, I’d say it about myself or someone who I thought just needed a rocket, be they adult or teen.

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