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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To reconsider half term trip because of dd's school test?

46 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 23/05/2021 14:01

Youngest dd is 14 and ASD. She's bright and wants to do well at school but is struggling a bit at the moment due to anxiety and the classroom environment.

She is in Year 9 and in the week after half term she has a Science test that will determine whether they do double or triple science for GCSE. Dd wants to do triple and is very stressed about this test.

We have booked 6 nights away in Wales during half term, like many people we need a break. Older 2 dds are 20 and 18 and are keen to get away too.

But dd3 doesn't really want to go away at all especially for 6 nights.

I'm not sure whether to shorten the break or one parent stay at home (not much fun) to stick to the original plans.

OP posts:
Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 23/05/2021 14:02

Should add that up till recently dd3 was on Pathway 8 (equivalent to GCSE Grade 8) but did badly in a recent Physics test and has been saying she doesn't understand 'anything'.

OP posts:
actiongirl1978 · 23/05/2021 14:03

We would keep one parent at home and have done for similar things. Or could DD go to grandparents?

AuntieStella · 23/05/2021 14:04

Did the older DC do physics? I was just wondering if she might still be happy tomgo on the trip if the four adults took it in turns tomspend the morning with her as she revises

StylishMummy · 23/05/2021 14:04

Why can't she take study materials with her? Surely she only needs a tablet/laptop and a work book? I wouldn't stop the rest of the family enjoying a much needed break for one child's test that can be revised for anywhere

Soontobe60 · 23/05/2021 14:05

What revision could she do at home that she couldn’t do on holiday in Wales? Why not sit down with her, draw up a timetable for the holiday where you’ve built in revision slots, make a list of all the resources she’ll need to help her revise. That might help to reassure her.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 23/05/2021 14:06

She can take books with her but will be sharing a hotel room with her sister. And due to her autism she finds it very hard to work with background noise. And she might find the different environment unsettling.

OP posts:
Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 23/05/2021 14:06

No family around for her to stay with unfortunately.

OP posts:
AOwlAOwlAOwl · 23/05/2021 14:08

Triple science really isn't important in the grand scheme of things. It won't stop her from doing science at A level, university...

If she is this stressed in Y9 her GCSE years are going to be very difficult.

I think you should go on the holiday but if you can make a bit of time for her spend a couple of hours a day studying. She needs to relax, it's important to have a balance and for her to learn how to manage stress.

Kyph · 23/05/2021 14:10

Mine are older now but from around y10 onwards we avoided holidays at Easter and June half term because of exams. They had GCSEs, then AS then A levels. I didn't think it would work taking revision on holiday.
Having said that I see that your older DC are much older. Could she stay with a grandparent?
Also like @AuntieStellas suggestion, providing you are not camping.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 23/05/2021 14:10

I do worry about how she will cope with GCSEs. Middle dd is very bright and poor dd3 feels she has to live up to her standards even though I try to reassure her all the time. It could be that doing double Science is better for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 23/05/2021 14:11

Middle dd would be happy to help her but their relationship is sometimes a bit fraught so it could go either way!

OP posts:
OwlTwitterings · 23/05/2021 14:13

Can she have your hotel room for a set period each day so she has silence to study? You and your DH can either go in with your other DD for that time or the hotel bar.

littledrummergirl · 23/05/2021 14:16

Go on holiday, if she is stressed she won't be taking in all of the information anyway and learning in a relaxed environment may be more helpful.

I have memories of revising flash cards with my dc while we were on the beach or stood in queues at theme parks. They learnt better this way as we were having fun.

Ds1 (20)says he is happy now that I made him continue with real life around his studies as he appreciated the break.

Branleuse · 23/05/2021 14:18

would she be ok with 4 nights, or does she just not want to go away?

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 23/05/2021 14:19

Hi Bend, would noise cancelling headphones help her at all? As in would she want to wear them?

How much time on her own could her sister give her in the room?

I think after the year we have all had I would want to take everyone away to beautiful Wales and work around your youngest doing some study.

Ds1 only did the double due to a monumental cock up at school, got 9,9 and still did physics A level with ease. Most of the class had only got the double and there was no real difference in ability. His mate at the same school who also did the combined science GCSE did A level physics and has an offer from Durham to do physics degree.

LynetteScavo · 23/05/2021 14:20

I'd say if she needs to revise for a week to be able to do tripple science she shouldn't be doing tripple science.
But it sounds like she actually more than capable. I think everybody should go to Wales ans she should be helped to revise while there and she'll also have couple of days to revise while at home.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 23/05/2021 14:21

Sorry, most of the A level class had got the double at GCSE.

clary · 23/05/2021 14:24

I would go on the holiday as others say and take her study stuff with her. She might find it easier to revise in a different setting.

Go for walks and take a sample test paper and do it as you go (I used to do this with DS1 who also struggles with a formal learning setting). Or get her to bring her books to the beach or have study notes on headphones. Or see if she can "teach" her older sister what she needs to know (one of the best ways of learning).

I went on a family break one (years ago) when doing my teacher training and I had an essay to write - I took all I needed with me and just spent an hour or two on it each morning, while the family went out for a walk. I know it's not the same thing but my point is that the break did me good and made me better able to crack on.

Agree, you need to avoid stopping family life for exams and tests as this will only get worse over the next two years. Include it, make it part of what's happening.

NewMatress · 23/05/2021 14:29

We never went away May HT once they got into the exam years for this reason. I would cancel unless it's the kind of holiday where you can(and will) structure in some good study sessions while you're away

fourminutestosavetheworld · 23/05/2021 14:30

I think you need to model how to respond to stressful situations and put them into perspective.

This is a much-needed and long overdue family holiday. She has known it was coming and should have planned her revision schedule around it. If she still needs to revise, bring materials and guarantee her a certain number of quiet, uninterrupted hours each day. Background noise won't be any worse than normal family noise at home.

Leaving a parent behind sends a clear message about the enormous import of these tests, that is simply untrue and sets an unhealthy precedent.

newnortherner111 · 23/05/2021 14:32

During the day assuming your DD can be alone in the hotel could give her some quiet time? As it is only one test, I doubt if any more than a couple of hours a day is needed?

Bouledeneige · 23/05/2021 14:33

I used to take my two away at Easter when exams were looming and they would work all morning 10-1.30 or 2 and then we would go out. That was in a rental cottage though and they were both working for major exams.

However I don't think the science exam is really that important to warrant not going so I'd carve out a bit of time every day when they could do some revision if they wanted to. It would be easy enough to work with headphones on in a hotel bedroom for a couple of hours.

But I do think it's important for the whole family to have a holiday and de-stress the revision time as a dry run for GCSEs which are likely to be far more stressful. Get in good habits now for de-stressing and calming pre exam nerves.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 23/05/2021 14:54

@newnortherner111

During the day assuming your DD can be alone in the hotel could give her some quiet time? As it is only one test, I doubt if any more than a couple of hours a day is needed?
This is a good idea thinking about it. She isn’t keen on walking, sight seeing etc so we could do that while she works for a few hours.
OP posts:
Mybigbed · 23/05/2021 15:10

I’d definitely go. She can do some studying while you’re out and you can chat to her about it in the car to check her understanding.
I just wish my dd was so diligent. She is also anxious about end of term tests but this manifests as not wanting to do any revision at all.

IEat · 23/05/2021 15:20

In I listened when my kids said they don’t want to go anywhere we’d never leave home. When you get there involve them
all with days out etc and she how it goes