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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To reconsider half term trip because of dd's school test?

46 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 23/05/2021 14:01

Youngest dd is 14 and ASD. She's bright and wants to do well at school but is struggling a bit at the moment due to anxiety and the classroom environment.

She is in Year 9 and in the week after half term she has a Science test that will determine whether they do double or triple science for GCSE. Dd wants to do triple and is very stressed about this test.

We have booked 6 nights away in Wales during half term, like many people we need a break. Older 2 dds are 20 and 18 and are keen to get away too.

But dd3 doesn't really want to go away at all especially for 6 nights.

I'm not sure whether to shorten the break or one parent stay at home (not much fun) to stick to the original plans.

OP posts:

RowanAlong · 23/05/2021 15:42

I’d go, take revision materials and encourage get to take some breaks. (If she’s this anxious about physics it may be better to do double science anyway).

Lovemusic33 · 23/05/2021 15:46

Triple science doesn’t really make a huge difference, my DD’s school don’t even offer it anymore.

My dd has her end of year A level exams after half term too, we are going away but only for 3 days, she will be taking her books with her to revise as her exam results will go towards her uni applications. Dd1 has ASD too and will struggle to revise when we are away. Maybe talk to dd and see what she wants to do, maybe she could come back a bit early with one parent?

itsgettingwierd · 23/05/2021 15:48

My ds js also autistic.

Also extremely science/maths based academically.

The triple science requires a lot of extra study because the content has a few modules not covered in the double award.

But the grades are worth the same.

Does she require triple science for her next step of education?

If not what have school said about her doing it? DS school suggested he'd find the organisation and pressure too much and so he did double - he still got 9/9 which I think if he did all 3 separately he'd have got 8/8/8 at worst or 8/9/9 at best.

Other than that I'd take an iPad or whatever and get her to use Bbc bite size daily and everyone support her with this. But I'd seriously consider if she's this stressed over the exam just to get in the course what the stress of the course could do.

ValerieMorghulis · 23/05/2021 16:03

Differently to the PPs, I think you need to listen to her concerns. It’s quite a mature approach to have thought ahead about what she needs, in order to do well in her test - particularly with her ASD diagnosis.

I would sit down with her and discuss the options of a shorter break for everyone, or one parent staying behind with her. It will make her feel listened to and show her that there are solutions. Those that say she should just factor this into her revision schedule are being a bit dismissive of your DD and also the timing that is sometimes needed to do really well in a test, imo.

Branleuse · 23/05/2021 16:03

the reason you are going in half term is presumably to make it convenient for the 14 year old, as the others arent at school. Therefore if its not convenient for the 14 year old, you could go any other time?

Original poster

bendmeoverbackwards · 24/05/2021 11:37

Thank you all, these are all really helpful.

We spoke to the SENCO this morning and she is going to find out if the double/triple Science decision is based on the test alone.

In any case I agree it's not significant enough to not go on holiday. And it might be too late to cancel or shorten the length.

Have suggested to dd that she has some time in the hotel room each day to study, she's not keen on this because she said she will have fomo! But she's going to have to accept eventually that when you have exams you do have to sacrifice some things as both her sisters did at the time.

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 24/05/2021 11:45

If she want to do chemistry or physics
A-level then imo triple science is important over dual.

Howshouldibehave · 24/05/2021 11:47

If she is distraught about it and really can’t study in the hotel room, I’d be tempted for one parent to stay home with her.

Maybe you could all go for the weekend/few days but then eg you/her travel home leaving the others there?

YoghurtSnob · 24/05/2021 11:53

My family would go on holidays while I had revision to day and leave me at home for the day with my books while they went out. In retrospect it was crap and probably not very secure/safe for a teenage girl home alone in a holiday rental.
With an older teenager who is v academic, we hardly get away anymore as the rate of school testing is insane, plus every spring/summer mocks and real exams. Only opportunity is summer holidays now, which must be spent on volunteering/work experience/paid work etc to get into university, so that's not happening either.
Family life seems to have ended aged 14.

Sirzy · 24/05/2021 11:55

I think this is an important time to help her learn to balance the revision with relaxing and looking after herself.

Toddlerteaplease · 24/05/2021 12:15

Don't cancel. The rest of the family need a break too. Take revision material with her.

Howshouldibehave · 24/05/2021 12:36

@YoghurtSnob

My family would go on holidays while I had revision to day and leave me at home for the day with my books while they went out. In retrospect it was crap and probably not very secure/safe for a teenage girl home alone in a holiday rental. With an older teenager who is v academic, we hardly get away anymore as the rate of school testing is insane, plus every spring/summer mocks and real exams. Only opportunity is summer holidays now, which must be spent on volunteering/work experience/paid work etc to get into university, so that's not happening either. Family life seems to have ended aged 14.

I find that really sad. As someone with what you’d probably call v academic children (all are at super selective grammars and two now at/going to v good universities) we have always had a family holiday in the summer. Family life certainly didn’t end at 14 for any of mine.

clary · 24/05/2021 12:44

That's a bit sad @yoghurtsnob - what is she planning to study at uni? AFAIK unless it's vet or medicine there's no need to spend every summer volunteering.

UserAtRandom · 24/05/2021 12:48

It seems extremely unlikely that the Triple/Double decision would be based solely on one test. Realistically your DC shouldn't be working more than a couple of hours a day, and she should be able to fit that around holiday activities.

Original poster

bendmeoverbackwards · 24/05/2021 15:58

@Howshouldibehave

If she is distraught about it and really can’t study in the hotel room, I’d be tempted for one parent to stay home with her.

Maybe you could all go for the weekend/few days but then eg you/her travel home leaving the others there?

I'm actually thinking about this now @Howshouldibehave We're staying in 2 separate places, 3 nights in each. Maybe we should see how it goes and if she's struggling after the first 3 days I could come home with her on the train. My older dds won't be happy though, they want me there! Plus at 20 and 18 their days of coming on family holidays are limited.

OP posts:

Original poster

bendmeoverbackwards · 24/05/2021 16:20

@Hankunamatata

If she want to do chemistry or physics A-level then imo triple science is important over dual.

This isn't correct *@Hankunamatata*

I just came across an email from one of the Science teachers from last year - they need 7s to do Science A Levels and it doesn't matter if that is achieved by doing dual or triple. Two 7s will be much better than say 5,7,8. Maybe it would be better for dd to do dual, it will take the pressure off a bit.

OP posts:

Soverymuchfruit · 24/05/2021 16:43

@YoghurtSnob seriously, except possibly for medicine & veterinary science, uni admissions could not care less about her volunteering and work experience. Indeed we make sure we don't look because more privileged kids get more interesting options along those lines and we want a level playing field (in so far as that is possible).

It may have mattered in the past but it doesn't now. Some schools may not have caught up. If they're saying this is important, ask admissions administrators for some courses she'd like to do.

Hankunamatata · 24/05/2021 17:20

@bendmeoverbackwards problem is that dual science doesnt prepare a child well enough for the demands of a-level physics or chemistry. I achieved 2 A☆ as they were back in the day but the amount of catch up I had to play in physics and chemistry was huge as so much isnt taught in dual science.

itsgettingwierd · 24/05/2021 17:23

Totally agree.

My ds did the dual and got 9/9

He wouldn't have got 9/9/9 but may have got 8/9/9 (as that's what he got on papers)

But truth is with the extra study and pressure it could have easily been 7/8's. And 2 9's was always going to be better.

AlmostSummer21 · 24/05/2021 17:32

@bendmeoverbackwards

I know she has ASD but she still needs to learn that it's not all about her. There are 4 other people to consider. Studying while others are enjoying themselves is crap, but it's also self discipline and now is a good time to learn that.

You can make a quiet hotel room available fir her fir a few hours every day, she needs to make the most if that, then enjoy the rest of the holiday.

You taking her home half way through teachers her nothing and lets your older two down.

eurovisionsparkles · 24/05/2021 17:40

My dd got 8/8 in combined science and predicted an A in A-level biology. Not being accepted for triple is not the same be of the world although it sounds like your dd is triple material and it was just one test that was a blip.

Doing triple usually means one less gcse option choice than combined students.

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