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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not mention that I think my dad has had a stroke?

65 replies

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 23/05/2021 12:06

Proud man, retired semi-pro footballer. Had 2 stents about 10 years ago so is on medication for that and his BP - is very fit for his age (79) and has a big case of Peter Pan Syndrome.

During lockdown he had a bad fall. Broken ribs, smashed up face, big mess - took a week to persuade him to see GP for painkillers. I'm not local so only saw him 3 times in lockdown from the garden and once since restrictions eased in the house - seemed fine.

This morning, though, we went for a walk in the forest. His left side is just slightly clumsy, his arm doesn't swing as he steps, and his balance is easily lost. He didn't fall, but he is definitely not steady and for the first time I thought he needed a stick. There is no chance he'll use a stick, he is an athlete, remember?

He is using his left arm fine, no facial weakness, speech is fine and he is as sharp mentally as ever. He doesn't limp or trip in the house, he's a bit slow and steady on the stairs, takes them one at a time, but, he is ok.

Am I right in thinking that his heart medication will reduce his stroke risk anyway? His GP is great, but I don't think there is much to be gained from a scan - he is, after all, ok if a bit clumsy, so it would be an expensive scan to find "oh look, you've had a little stroke, I wonder if that is what caused that fall?"

If I tell him he'll be upset, he doesn't see himself as old, and he would deny there is a problem because he is unaware of the loss of balance (old football injury to my knee) and he is very fit and active for his age.

WWYD? Just keep an eye on him, or ring the GP and say "I think he's had a stroke" or tell him and have the argument?

Is him being blissfully unaware better than finding out whether he's had a stroke seeing as how he's already on cardiovascular medication?

OP posts:

Tehmina23 · 23/05/2021 12:48

I would personally get him to see his gp.
My fit healthy dad had a TIA which is a small stroke but wasn't given a scan, however he was put on preventative treatment for further strokes which is Rivoroxaban, a blood thinner.

I doubt your dad takes blood thinners? But he may need them now.
As he is at risk of further strokes.

I've cared for men who are unable to walk, incontinent & unable to actually talk due to stroke. If your dad argues, tell him about that.

SilenceOfThePrams · 23/05/2021 12:52

Yes you’re being unreasonable. He needs to know. And ideally he needs to be checked out, although that will be up to him of course. Next one could be worse.

5zeds · 23/05/2021 12:55

Tell him and support him to go to the GP and face this hurdle like he has faced others in his life. He’s a man not a boy, treat him like one.

jimmyhill · 23/05/2021 12:56

so it would be an expensive scan to find "oh look, you've had a little stroke

WHAT!?

If there's one thing an expensive scan is good for its discovering whether someone's had a stroke

TheQueef · 23/05/2021 12:58

It could be causing damage still and I think can cause a larger stroke.
He needs to see someone.
Remind him he has paid for this and he's wasting his own money maybe?

violetmartini · 23/05/2021 12:59

The cardiovascular meds obviously haven't prevented the stroke this time (if this is what it is) so he will still be at high risk. As a pp said he needs blood thinners. I had a stroke, it is horrendously traumatic, if you can help prevent this happening to your dad please do!

BramStoker · 23/05/2021 13:01

I would be inclined to contact his GP and describe your observations, explain that you have not discussed your concerns with your Dad

The GP can then call him in for a review if they think it's necessary

ittakes2 · 23/05/2021 13:02

Tell him what you have noticed and you think he should get checked out incase he has had a little blockage and needs blood thinners. You don't need to say exactly you think he's had a miny stroke. But explain he would not be happy if he had a major stroke with the lose of moment that comes with this so best to avoid it.

SmileyClare · 23/05/2021 13:02

It sounds as though your dad is fantastically independent which is great but a bit like my dad, stubborn and proud as well and not particularly keen on doctors or admitting he's old,.

Can you find out when his next check up is? Presumably with the heart conditions and having his blood pressure medicated, he has regular appointments and blood tests/ bp monitored?

He might need blood thinners (as mentioned). Unfortunately, a series of small almost undetectable strokes can lead to vascular dementia, which can be avoided.

KrisAkabusi · 23/05/2021 13:02

Are you fucking insane! Phone an ambulance. Now! There is no time to waste with strokes. Not all are caused by clotting, some are caused by bleeds. He could be having a bleed on the brain right now. If it's a stroke caused by a bleed his heart medication could be making it worse. He needs to be seen and treated appropriately if necessary.

campion · 23/05/2021 13:03

He needs to be on blood thinners as a minimum and seen by a stroke consultant. Best place to start is a&e as the gp will tell him to go there anyway. You shouldn't 'wait and see' with a possible stroke.

Don't delay as the next one could be a lot more serious.
Let the experts decide if he needs a scan!

AutoIncorrect · 23/05/2021 13:04

If he has another massive stroke because a smaller one went untreated you’d never forgive yourself.

Dozer · 23/05/2021 13:04

Better to have a difficult conversation and encourage him to seek help, or (if he won’t) inform his GP of the symptoms, than to ignore it.

It sounds like you’re at risk of getting sucked into your father’s denial about his age and health.

Jocasta2018 · 23/05/2021 13:05

He needs to see his GP & a scan to see the type of stroke.
If it's a bleed rather than a clot, blood thinners will make things worse.

KnottyKnitting · 23/05/2021 13:06

Does he still drive? If so he may be doing so illegally. If he has a bigger stroke behind the wheel he is not the only person he could hurt.

Gotofriggingsleep · 23/05/2021 13:07

I work for the Stroke Association, please seek medical advice urgently. It is not uncommon for a small stroke to be followed by more.

grapewine · 23/05/2021 13:08

@Jocasta2018

He needs to see his GP & a scan to see the type of stroke. If it's a bleed rather than a clot, blood thinners will make things worse.

Absolutely this. YABU to not say anything.

UCOinanOCG · 23/05/2021 13:08

@KrisAkabusi

I am guessing OP thinks her DF maybe had a small stroke when he fell and she has only recently noticed a change in his gait. She doesn't think he is having one right now so no need for an ambulance.

I would have the conversation with him and encourage him to go and see his GP. You can't make him go but it may plant a seed and make him more aware of symptoms and signs of a stroke.

Lordamighty · 23/05/2021 13:10

He needs to be see by a Dr, he may his meds reviewing.

MatildaTheCat · 23/05/2021 13:10

Yes do talk to him and explain that you’re worried that if he has had a mild stroke then he could have another much worse one that might be avoidable.

If he won’t use a stick then a walking pole might be acceptable? They are for rugged outdoors people, right.

RandomMess · 23/05/2021 13:11

Please please please tell him he needs to be seen ASAP.

He is it such high risk of having another.

I had a stroke now on blood thinners and heart meds.

A friend that didn't seek help in her 20s went on to have two catastrophic strokes and TIAs a few weeks later. All could have been prevented with blood thinners

KaleJuicer · 23/05/2021 13:12

YABU. Small strokes can be a precursor to a massive life changing/ending stroke. And the appropriate meds may be able to prevent that.

KrisAkabusi · 23/05/2021 13:14

Fair enough if you think it happened a week ago, my reading was that he's worse today. My point still stands. He needs medical attention. If he has had a stroke his risk of having another is much increased. And he may be on medication that is increasing that risk. He needs to be scanned. As soon as possible.

RandomMess · 23/05/2021 13:14

1 in 8 die from having one. Far better that he has had a warning one and can avoid having one that may rob him of his speech or mobility.

He will recovery from his previous one for up to 2 years.

InteriorDesignHell · 23/05/2021 13:27

If he's athletic and independent perhaps phrase getting it checked out as a way of staying that way?

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