Car Seat Drama

[ShinyGreenElephant]

I've had yet another massive row with DH and he's sloped off to his mothers. He thinks I've caused this over nothing- regardless his shouting and storming off leaving me with 3 kids puts him firmly in the wrong, but I'm interested to see if others agree I made a mountain out of a molehill to begin with.

So on Friday afternoon I went for my covid vaccine, leaving DH home with our 2yo who was asleep. It was raining when I came out so he offered to come and pick me up, but when he arrived he had moved our toddlers seat to the front seat, forward facing. This is a longstanding issue- he "doesnt understand" extended rear facing- I've sent him research and crash test videos but he doesn't want to know. However, the chemist is only around the corner so other than one comment I didnt make an issue of it.

Saturday morning we were supposed to be visiting his grandparents which is an hours drive away. He was still in bed at 11.30, hungover, and the younger kids were ready for a nap so I was trying to get him up. I asked him to move the car seat back into place so I could get the kids settled in the car while he showered and he said "its fine where it is." I told him it absolutely wasn't fine for a long drive like that and that we weren't getting in the car with him unless he moved it. It escalated from there into him telling me I have "no say" as I cant drive then shouting at me and slamming the bathroom door in my face, at which point I put the kids in the pram and went out for a walk to get them down for their naps.

Hes now gone and won't be in touch for a week unless he needs something from the house. Absolutely sick of it and his reaction was completely disproportionate but was I OTT over the car seat? I can be anxious about the kids at times but I really don't think a (very small) 2 year old should be in the front seat of a car, especially facing forwards. AIBU?

@Coldhandscoldheart

Had he turned off the front air bag?

I was just about to type this

@999Alex

So he was in bed all morning with a hangover and left u With the kids. Doesn't understand or care about their car safety. Has disappeared to his mums and u say it'll be for a week. Oh stop putting up with that shit and pack his bags then drop at his mums. He can stay where he is!

The car seat thing u are not being over the top. He put a 2yr old in the front seat 😮 and forward facing No and No.

2 year old rear facing in the front seats with the airbag off is fine Forward facing with airbag in less so

But I agree in that I would not put up with that petulant shit and flouncing off
If one of my sons as adult married men turned up in This manner I’d tell them to get home and treat their wife with some respect. They wouldn’t be sulking and crashing at mine for a week

I'd tell him you're putting his things outside and he should come and collect them to take back to his mother's.

Honestly. He's behaving like an oversized toddler. One who drinks too much and likely shouldn't be driving himself, let alone his children, a lot of the time.

This is not a car seat drama. It's so much more than that. Your husband sounds like an absolute arsehole, as well as an irresponsible parent. Wonder why you put up with it tbh...

I think you'll be happier on universal credit, probably. You can love like this. His behaviour isn't on. He may be "fun" with the kids, but he definitely doesn't respect you.

Tell him to stay with his mammy, I wonder what she thinks of his behaviour .

absolutely brilliant with them

But the 2yo absolutely idolises him so I keep trying and trying with him for her sake

I could have predicted you would say this. It’s never ‘He’s an ok dad when he’s sober’, it’s always exaggerated language like ‘brilliant’, ‘absolutely idolises’ etc

You know brilliant dads don’t behave like this, OP.

I’d chuck him out now before he can have a claim on your house.

The issue here is husband, not the car seat.

But I’m wondering how do you all manage to drive with a baby in the back seat if driving on your own? Mine lost her dummy within a minute and started crying which made it very stressful. I had her in front if driving on my own.

Youre all absolutely right and the issue is his drinking and his attitude when hes hungover. Weve been here before but had a pretty good run, but with the pubs reopening hes fallen off the wagon again and I'm absolutely fed up with it. The car seat itself isn't the issue its his utter refusal to go along with something I feel strongly about just because noone in his circle rear faces toddlers and he seems to think its something I've come up with all on my own despite many of my friends and family agreeing.

He will be staying in his mothers until he sorts his drinking out again - whether we will survive long term I don't know but ideally I would rather have the support both practical and financial until the kids are a bit older. He moved out for 6 months when DD2 was younger and he sorted himself out a lot but hes slipped back into old ways.