To be raging about the breast milk

[theITcrowd]

NC'd for this

I'm seething and genuinely want to know if I'm over reacting.

DS is 4 months and mostly formula fed. We have 1 or 2 bf sessions in a day and I pump approx 4oz per day. I save the breast milk until I have 6oz then I warm it up and give it to him in a bottle.
It takes me an hour to pump 2oz so every drop is precious.

Earlier this evening a can of coke exploded in the fridge so DH took it all apart and cleaned it all.

There was 5oz of breast milk in the fridge.

Earlier I went to add to the harvest but couldn't find the bottle.
It turns out DH threw the breast milk out whilst he was cleaning the fridge.

He said it was beside the sink, amongst 2 other bottles with various amounts of formula milk in them. How could he possibly know that one contained breast milk (I had initially emptied the fridge and placed the bottle near the sink)

I said he should have known it was breast milk bc it was freezing cold and he knows there is always a bottle with breast milk in the fridge... he should have checked.

He said I'm being ridiculous to expect him to know which bottles had bm in them. His hands were cold from clearing out the fridge so didn't know the difference.

I'm just so sad that so much work goes into every drop and he just fucked it down the sink.

Now we aren't talking.

Who is bu?

I would have been upset. It represented so much of your time and effort.

Try to explain it to your H in terms of him doing something not particularly fun, something that had to be done and was important to him, something he soldiered through, and you barged in and wrecked it.

He needs to apologise and acknowledge the work you put in to produce milk.

It is absolutely ok to cry over spilt breastmilk.

I think it's an easy mistake to make when you're drowning in dirty bottles (though if it was the only frozen one he should have known). But he should have been properly regretful and apologetic.

I wouldn't resent an honest mistake but I would resent the lacjk of appreciation for what he's destroyed and how hard it is to collect it.

I say this as someone who never breastfed - because I do appreciate how bloody hard it is. Let alone pumping.

@Dddccc

I am with your dh here it was next to the sink with dirty bottles to be washed how was he to know really he is not a mind reader, I think you are probably over tired and stressed and made a mountain over a molehill

It was by the sink because he put it there. She left it in the fridge.

I totally understand the distress that comes with losing hard-won breast milk, so I don’t blame you at all for being upset. But it sounds like it was an honest mistake - these things do happen. I would be inclined to move past it. As @PinkSatinMoon says, tomorrow is a new day

I exclusively pumped for four months and I remember well how precious the ebm seemed. In the early days I literally could have cried over spilt milk if this had happened.

However, this is why ebm should always be labelled. It's important also to write the time you pumped it on there so it can never sit for too long. Your husband could have been more careful but given that uncertainty arose, I don't blame him for chucking it. It was the proper thing to do.

That's not correct @MrsTerryPratchett. We were advised by the OP in the very beginning that she was the one that emptied the fridge and placed the bottle by the sink. DH was simply washing the bottles on said sink thinking he was being helpful, I assume.

You can't do much about it now, it's done,, no point in getting stressed,as it's bad for you.. Your partner just made a mistake getting things a bit wrong.

That's annoying! But it was an accident. He was clearly just focused on cleaning up the mess and the used bottles and not thinking about breast milk. He should acknowledge your frustration though. Can you buy a different coloured bottle specifically for the breast milk? Something that stands out enough to trigger his brain in the future.

I really can't see how he was expected to know - couldn't you have mentioned it when you put it beside the sink? You think he should have checked, he probably thinks you should have told him. Anyway, it's done now, no point in "raging".

I would also be seething in your place. I presume you struggled with latch or something to be pumping rather than feeding. Taking that long to pump such a small amount sounds soul destroying. Do you have a double electric pump?

You placed the bottle of breast milk on the sink near two other half empty formula bottles, the guy cleaned the fridge and tidied up, and you're annoyed with him? Sorry, but I think you're overreacting. You've stated that your baby is mostly formula fed so it's not like he was going to starve, and I don't understand why you're spending hours pumping into bottles when you've said you have breastfeeding sessions which is obviously so much quicker. Forget about the bottle and stick the baby on. Seems a lot of hard work to me.

I think your partner did a nice thing and you probably need to apologise to him.

I exclusively pumped for a year with my second and yea I would be mad but YAB (a little) U.

I think I breastfeeding is always my whole world when my babies are so young but as soon as I've stopped I see how little it actually matters, maybe your husband just doesn't really see the big deal. If it was a genuine accident and not malicious then he doesn't really deserve the silent treatment for cleaning up incorrectly.

Christ I pump 5-7oz in about 15-20 mins and I'd be annoyed too! I'm pretty sure my dh would check with me but i would probably have put it away from the other bottles just to be safe.

Sorry but I think YABU. You put the breast milk by the sink. It wasn't labelled. There were other bottles of milk there.

Your husband wasn't to know which was which. You'd be unhappy if he'd mistakenly put a bottle of used formula back in the fridge that got given to DS as it could potentially make him ill.

In future, label the bottle to avoid confusion but don't blame your husband, it was an honest mistake.

OP YANBU but neither is DH it’s one of those things. DH once knocked a full bottle of expressed milk (desperately expressed I am crap at breastfeeding) and I burst into tears. ‘No use crying over spilt milk’ did NOT help. You’re doing great

I know it's a pain for you, OP, but it does seem like an understandable mistake. I think seething is a bit of an overreaction.

I second the recommendation of an electric pump.

Can I recommend you read some breast feeding advice. My twins were born premature and on formula and I was pumping twice a day for 1hrs each time to get very little milk..only to discover there was many things I could do to increase milk supply and 15mins pumping a few times a day was better than longer pumps, stimulate breasts through out the day as well as breast feeding herbs. You can also get these little containers with thin tubes and the containers rests behind your neck and the tube goes to the breast and nipple so the baby gets expresses milk while sucking and their sucking helps to stimulate more milk production.

It is upsetting and I used to always think the saying “don’t cry over spilt milk” never had to express breast milk! I used to pump a lot as well and it would be devastating to lose it but I would move on.
On a side note on my 3rd baby I discovered the Haakaa breast pump. It’s really cheap and I used to use it on my other boob to the one feeding during a night feed and it was like a miracle.

I exclusively pumped until 8 months and still do two pumps a day at 11. Have you been fitted correctly for the shield part of the pump? It makes an enormous difference to how much milk is removed by the pump. I’m fitted to a 17mm nipple shield and they usually come with a standard of 24mm. The volume of milk is very different!

I pumped exclusively for 6m and I understand that feeling of it being SO much work and every drop representing the time and effort to obtain it.

But I think you are going OTT to be not speaking to your DH over this. He was helpful cleaning out the fridge and if there were old dirty bottles of formula lying around to mix it up with, it's an honest mistake. You will look back in a couple of years and laugh at yourself for making such a fuss over one bottle of breast milk, when your baby is already mix fed anyway.

Oh god, breastmilk is like liquid gold - I feel your frustration.

But honestly, if all the bottles were by the sink, it's a bit unreasonable to expect another sleep deprived person to detect that one should be kept because it's cold.

But its rubbish that this happened & yes, an 'Im sorry' and a hug would have probably made it all okay. You worked really hard & it was binned, a bit if empathy wouldn't hurt & would take the sting out if it. Explain that to him when you're both calm.

Today is a new day you'll look back on this in years to come a laugh... Maybe.

21Flora where did you get hold of that size shield?