To feel so embarassed to go to the gym?

[crazykoo124]

Hi

The university I attend has recently started a free membership for a month. I weigh 80kg and I am 5ft3, BMI 31.6 . I am so embarrassed and going to the gym I feel like the biggest person there, I literally feel like an elephant in front of the others, especially as literally all of them are gym bunnies.

I suppose I just wanted some reassurance and if you’ve ever gone through anything like this? Should I go or maybe just try to workout outdoors.... I went a couple days ago and to be honest I worked out for a full hour for the first time in my life. However, everyone around me was running for a whole hour whereas I could barely speed walk for the whole hour. And then I scoured the internet and found someone saying they think it’s ridiculous and a waste of equipment when fat people don’t put 100% into their workouts!!

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’m just feeling very anxious. I am very sick of feeling and looking very overweight, and I’d love to look and feel a lot healthier.

I’m just very embarrassed of my current state and I’m worried about the stares and thoughts that will go through their minds... especially as they are mostly 20 year old perfect looking girls and I am in my 20s and very fat.

Help

Get to that gym. Everyone has to start somewhere.
I'm sure not all the gym bunnies were size 0, maybe they had to keep going to get their weight into a healthy zone.

You might hate it But I'd utilise the free membership, get some advice on eating and equipment.

Remember not to starve yourself, larger people actually burn a fair few calories by just walking around with a heavier frame to carry, be very mindful of what you need to take in and what you're burning to lose weight so you don't binge eat because you're hungry after starving yourself.

A good dietician and exercise regime will get you losing weight. No shakes or potions needed. Actually no gym needed either. You can increase steps and get into calorie deficit and you'll start dropping weight.

Good luck op

No one in that gym cares what you look like. No one in that gym is even thinking of you at all. They are all too busy overthinking about themselves, just like you are. I don't mean this in a harsh way, it's just the truth. Another truth is that you can't control what someone thinks, and not should you care. Their opinions are not your problem.

Well done to you for going and keep it up!

No-one gives a fuck

If anything you'll get more support

The only time I notice others in the gym is if they're doing something stupid

Why do you care what other people think?

Everyone starts somewhere. You’re starting here. Others will start ahead of you, others behind. And?

Don’t let your self-esteem and your efforts to improve yourself be jeopardized by your anxieties. Anxiety will win. Getting fit and healthy is very often about so much more than that. You will feel so immensely proud of yourself when you reach your goal. Don’t be out off at the starting line!

Go for it. You can do it.

Some people might be looking at you, some might be judging you. At first that risk feels uncomfortable and intimidating. But it doesn't actually matter. What matters is what the outcome is: a healthier, happier you.

I went to the gym in my 20s and lost weight, not as much as you will. I felt awful at first but honestly once you become a regular that feeling does pass, and sometimes you feel mildly awkward, mostly you feel fine. Genuinely when I saw someone larger in the gym, I used to mentally shout, "yeah you go girl!" As it impressed me; it does take courage. It is so empowering when you overcome your fears of being looked at.

I also used to hate using weights machines and bikes and having to set them all pathetically low. I'd often surreptitiously put them back in a high setting after I finished.

Some days I'd have terrible workouts and leave feeling deflated but often I'd leave feeling great about myself. The more I went, the more great days I had.

One thing that hugely helped me was stretching after warm up and warm down. I used to spend time on the mats at the edge of the room really properly stretching my whole body and from there I could see most of the room. You rarely see people checking other people out. It is reassuring.

Honestly just tell that voice in your head to be quiet and DO IT. You will not regret it.

Thank you so much everyone. I really do appreciate it.
I will give it a go tomorrow and be brave.... I really do want to make a change for the better.
@RainingZen I don’t think I have the confidence to stretch in front of everyone but I can try to stretch before arriving at the gym??
@SympathyFatigue thank you for the advice, it really is helpful

Another Q... might sound silly... do you think 80kg at 5ft 3 is morbidly obese? Is it really massive or is it just overweight. My mind tells me different things all the time. I know I need to lose weight full stop, but I can’t kerb the curiosity! Am I really as ginormously massive as I think?

If I noticed someone very overweight I'd just think good for them 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'd be impressed if anything. I'm sure most people would and who gives a shit about the tiny minority who might judge you ( if they even exist!)

If you are self conscious then you can chose 'quieter' gym clothes I suppose.

I am not overweight but I have always gone very red and sweaty looking when I've exercised despite how fit I've been. I could feel a bit self conscious especially when most of the other women looked so perfect. I just told myself it was because I was working harder than them even though that probably wasn't true
🍅

I’m worried about the stares and thoughts that will go through their minds... especially as they are mostly 20 year old perfect looking girls and I am in my 20s and very fat.

They’re not watching you. You are utterly and completely irrelevant to them, as you are to every other person in the gym. Everyone is there to get fit - it doesn’t matter if you’re a work in progress, that’s the whole point of visiting? Gyms have been closed for a year, people are really just excited to be back and focusing on themselves and making up for lost time. They don’t care about you.

Why do you assume younger and more attractive women are paying you any attention and must be judging you? 🙄 I’m early 20s and frankly I wouldn’t notice you, let alone think about you. If I did I’d probably think “good on you” and get back to what I was doing. Let’s be honest, you’re not on their radar. Especially at a uni gym where they’re surrounded by their mates.

Oh my god! Everyone would respect you for that!

Don't give it a thought! Most people in gyms are only interested in how they look - and as PPs have said, anyone who does notice you will be completely on your side. For all you know, they were in your position too when they started! Those perfect 20 yr olds might be your new friends, you never know...

I can’t answer your question about your weight properly as not a medical person but it doesn’t seem morbidly obese to me
Keep going to the gym as long as you’re enjoying it. The only people I ever notice are the rude people who do things like hogging equipment and taking really long showers.

Hi, I'm 5ft 3, weigh 85kg and go to the gym regularly. I don't consider myself to be morbidly obese, although I could do with losing some weight to save my poor knees! No-one looks at me, they're all too busy doing their own stuff, much like I'm too busy concentrating on my workout to worry about others 😀
Maybe start at a quiet time and get a trainer to give you some pointers to begin with, so you know how to work out correctly. Go for it!

I’m obese (size 20) and have recently joined a gym. I’m the fattest person in every exercise class I go to. It’s taken me a long time to get to this point, but I now don’t give 2 hoots about it. I can’t imagine anyone else in the class even notices if I’m there. If they do, I would expect that they just realise we’re all there for the same reason. If they’re judgy about it, then that speaks more about the type of person they are than me.

Well fine for taking the first steps of getting through the doors. Keep at it.

Kick those thoughts out of your mind. Your body is your own business and you are doing this for yourself. Every single session that you make it through is a step nearer to the fitness that you want for yourself - nobody else gets to put you off your goals, especially not nobodies at the gym that you don’t even know. Anybody that goes to a gym to improve their fitness is somebody I admire in a way, as it’s far easier to hide away at home and do nothing. I’d expect to see a mixture of bodies at a gym as everyone is at different stages of the journey. Only an utter knob would see an overweight person in a gym and think mean things such as ‘they are too big to be here’. Isn’t the gym the best place to be?

Go to the gym, nobody else will take any notice they’re just thinking about what they’re doing

To motivate myself I prefer the classes if your gym has started them again, having a slot booked in and then someone motivating me to do the session helps me make sure I go and do a decent work out.

I’m off to the gym in a bit for the first time in about two years, hope you can motivate yourself to go too OP

OP, don't worry about speed, everyone else on the treadmill runs like they're in a marathon, I take it at my own slow pace, stop, drink water, change the podcast I'm listening to, restart, repeat. I go to the gym as much for my mental health as my physical health so am not turning it into something that gives me anxiety.

Honestly, just keep going. This is an opportunity to improve your health, and if you can persevere, you will see improvement.

You’ve made the first hard step just by getting there.

I go to the gym and my BMI is 40.

Never had anyone say anything. Everyone's doing their own thing.

Honestly OP, nobody will take a second look at you. Everyone is so focused on themselves at the gym. And you're doing great! I am 5'5 and have got from 14 stone down to 12 stone 9 (and counting) and when I first started back I was too self conscious to run outside so I started on a treadmill I bought second hand and I've built up to outdoor runs now. Honestly the exercise is as good for your head. There's nothing like it to put you in a great head space.

I've voted YABU because, even though it sounds a bit harsh, I'd echo what others on this thread have said:

No one gives a shit what you look like

The sooner you get your head around that, the easier you will find it to be true to yourself, and to make the changes you need to.

I’m slim and fit so probably look like I’m comfortable in a gym but I’m absolutely terrified of being in there and super paranoid. I think you will find lots of gym goers are despite their shape or size. Try not to worry you honestly won’t be the only one feeling like that

Really? Just young fit people at your gym?

In my gym we have young up to very old. Skinny up to large, even members who are disabled. To be honest I was quite shocked how diverse it is.

We have large ladies at the gym, they obviously can’t run like us yet, and due to the extra weight they find it harder doing some exercises like sit ups ect, but boy do they go for it, even though it’s below what we can do. We see them going for it and don’t think they don’t belong there, we’re excited for them in 6 months time when their bodies will be transforming!! We all know how great it is when our bodies change.

I think the difference is you can tell these women want it, they want to shift the weight and will still be coming to the gym in 6 months time.

Gym people admire determination I think and that’s what makes us notice them, not because they are large.

If you really hate it try another gym. But keep going!

People are not looking at you, they are admiring you!

If you scour the internet, of course you can find one idiot troll.

I think you're doing great OP. Keep your progress slow and steady to avoid injuries.

The other thing is to think about what exercise you enjoy. Maybe in a dance class or a hiking club you'd have less brain space to worry what people are thinking.

@crazykoo124

Thank you so much everyone. I really do appreciate it. I will give it a go tomorrow and be brave.... I really do want to make a change for the better. *@RainingZen* I don’t think I have the confidence to stretch in front of everyone but I can try to stretch before arriving at the gym?? *@SympathyFatigue* thank you for the advice, it really is helpful

Another Q... might sound silly... do you think 80kg at 5ft 3 is morbidly obese? Is it really massive or is it just overweight. My mind tells me different things all the time. I know I need to lose weight full stop, but I can’t kerb the curiosity! Am I really as ginormously massive as I think?

Your BMI being over 30 does mean it's in the obese category but morbid obesity is usually defined as BMI over 35 so you're not there yet. And if you stick with the gym you'll soon be going the other way :) How often will you be able to get there? Do you have nice exercise clothes to make you feel a bit better?

I agree with others saying you’re doing great and keep it up. Also - that comment you read about was shitty, but measure yourself against you not others. You did a whole hours worth of a workout for the first time in your life! That WAS 100% effort from you and a great achievement. Try and feel proud of that because you didn’t just workout and take steps to get healthier you also battled against feeling shy and awkward - and did it anyway. What an achievement.