To feel absolutely ashamed of myself

[nousernameno]

We had been drinking and fair to say we had a bit more than we should have (we=me, DH,brother in law and his wife).

I cannot remember what happened but apparently I got upset with DH and he went into the other room to have a chat with SIL and whilst consoling me, my BIL touched my breast and kissed me.

I got up straight away and went and told DH and his wife.

I feel so ashamed, sad, absolutely disgusting. In no way had I ever seen him in that light. We recently became good friends and I genuinely thought I have a friend for life.

There is no way on earth that I would ever drink again with this person present. But I've spent the entire day being very upset and specially with myself.

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for but DH said he doesn't want to discuss it anymore and blames it on the drinks.

Tbh I would be more mad at dh and bil...
Back away but remember you did nothing wrong..

You’ve nothing to be ashamed about if the grope and kiss were unsolicited.

Drink involved or not, that is sexual assault and in no way is it your fault.

I would be livid of DP had your DPs attitude, it's like he blames you rather than BIL and that's such a sexist male pig attitude to have.

Sorry but I would be reporting to the Police. How many other women has he done that to whilst they had had drink? Does he have children?

I'm so angry in your behalf!

You didn’t do anything to be ashamed of?! You got drunk and a man assaulted you uninvited!

Why on earth are you feeling ashamed? You've done nothing wrong.

Thank you for understanding and posting. I am upset at DH as he didn’t show any reaction- he didn’t seem mad or upset. In the morning I had to bring it up and after 1 conversation he told me we shouldn’t talk about it.

I have only ever seen him as a brother so I’m quiet upset that he would even try to do this. I cannot find the right words to express how I feel but since morning all I keep thinking is that I’m dirty and even if I shower I won’t be clean. I’m not sure if that makes sense.

He must have thought I was easy or something. I cannot talk to anyone about this!

You haven’t done anything wrong. Good on you for telling the others (even if you can’t remember doing it!) - hope the situation is resolved in whatever way is best.

I’m ashamed because I shouldn’t have drunk and shouldn’t have made myself vulnerable.

He has messaged me saying we should talk about it but I absolutely cannot face that disgusting man

You’ve done nothing wrong. Your DH should be ashamed of himself for brushing it under the carpet. I wouldn’t agree to talk with your BIL either he’ll be looking to minimise his behaviour and blame the drink or suggest he “read your signals wrong” i.e subtly blame you. Tell him you have nothing to say to him.
How did his wife react.

I would be appalled at the way your husband has responded to this, honestly.

She didn’t seem shocked and seems to be okay today. I don’t want to talk to her about it either.

I got up straight away and went and told DH and his wife

Well your DH under reacted, what did SIL do?
You BIL is a shit -so sorry that happened to you

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You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're an adult, it's ok to have a drink and it's ok to get drunk sometimes if you're having a good time, but it is never ok for anyone to assault you. It isn't your fault. If this happened to one of your friends, who would you blame - the friend or the perpetrator?

I don't understand why you feel ashamed? Is this your DH brother or your DH sisters husband?

Either way I would expect my DH to be having very strong words and not to be expected to have to see them again.

Is bil your dh brother by any chance?

Touching someone's breast unsolicited could be classed as sexual assault. Imagine if a man did it to you on the bus.

Not saying this to suggest you have a duty to report BIL
to the police or anything (although you'd be well within your rights). Rather, I want to call this kind of behaviour what it really is and show that you've done nothing wrong here.

You actually did the right thing in bringing BIL's behaviour into the open. He's the one who should feel ashamed, not you.

What is DP usually like around difficult conversations? To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe this morning he was hungover and not thinking properly.

How do you think it would go if you sat him down, maybe tomorrow and said 'look DH, I really want to discuss your brother touching me unsolicitedly the other night. It was in a sexual way and I find it totally unacceptable. I do/ don't want XYZ to happen, but I expect you to be able to discuss this with me and not pretend it never happened. BIL is family and this will affect how I feel about seeing him in future, as it would with whoever had touched me in this way'.

You did nothi g wrong. You were drinking in what should be a safe environment with people you could trust. All on the BIL

My husband doesn't have a brother but I'm pretty sure if he did and this happened to me he'd have plenty to say about it!
You did nothing wrong.

Is this his brother? Was it planned to swap partners for the night and no one thought to ask you? I'm puzzled by there lack of reaction

Thanks all. BIL is DHs brother.

Tbh DH seemed more upset about the fact that I said a few things to him last night than what happened to me.

He absolutely hates difficult conversations and tries to avoid them.

He must have thought I was easy or something.
What he thought is no reflection on you in any shape or form OP, because he's obviously an opportunistic little shit who has no respect for women.
You've behaved impeccably - the rest of them, not so much.
You are the last one who should be feeling any kind of shame here. So sorry you're going through this. What a mess.

I also think its a bit odd the other 3 were not upset. Your hubby went into another room with your SIL...is there a chance they used to do this before your hubby met you? ie swap partners?

I would be rethinking my relationship if I were you. Something is really fucked up and dysfunctional here.

What country are you in, op?