To feel absolutely ashamed of myself

[nousernameno]

We had been drinking and fair to say we had a bit more than we should have (we=me, DH,brother in law and his wife).

I cannot remember what happened but apparently I got upset with DH and he went into the other room to have a chat with SIL and whilst consoling me, my BIL touched my breast and kissed me.

I got up straight away and went and told DH and his wife.

I feel so ashamed, sad, absolutely disgusting. In no way had I ever seen him in that light. We recently became good friends and I genuinely thought I have a friend for life.

There is no way on earth that I would ever drink again with this person present. But I've spent the entire day being very upset and specially with myself.

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for but DH said he doesn't want to discuss it anymore and blames it on the drinks.

Hang on, if you and DH fell out why did he go to his SIL not his brother to talk in the other room? That seems odd ...

Anyway, you have nothing to be ashamed of, BIL assaulted you when you were vulnerable and upset. Despicable.

I reckon your husband and his brother were planning a wife swapping evening and its backfired as you weren't up for it but the other 3 were, Hence the lack of reaction.

@BigusBumus

I reckon your husband and his brother were planning a wife swapping evening and its backfired as you weren't up for it but the other 3 were, Hence the lack of reaction.

Yup.

You didn’t do anything wrong, he did.

The feeling bad at yourself is probably partly the hangover though.

You need to talk to dh and explain that his reaction is also upsetting you.

This is more important than the assault. That wasn’t your fault. How you move on from this should be a mutual effort, however you decide to play it. Dh should by sympathetic and supportive.

I think your husband is disgusting to allow you to feel dirty after HIS brother sexually assaulted you. I also agree with others that this sounds like they were all up for swapping, which is why they've failed to react as you would have expected.

I don't understand why your DH went to have a chat in private with his SIL. Does that happen a lot?

I reckon your husband and his brother were planning a wife swapping evening and its backfired as you weren't up for it but the other 3 were, Hence the lack of reaction.

100% this.

I though the exact same thing the minute I read that OP was upset yet her husband went off to talk to SIL and BIL was left to ‘console’ the OP.

The whole thing sounds dodgy as hell to me.

I'm also reading this as your DH had a little something special with his SIL....

@ThornAmongstRoses

I reckon your husband and his brother were planning a wife swapping evening and its backfired as you weren't up for it but the other 3 were, Hence the lack of reaction.

100% this.

I though the exact same thing the minute I read that OP was upset yet her husband went off to talk to SIL and BIL was left to ‘console’ the OP.

The whole thing sounds dodgy as hell to me.

It's a perfectly plausible explanation, but I'm not sure that there's any point in presuming that anyone knows it's true.

It speaks volumes that BIL hasn't spent the day grovelling, his wife hasn't checked up on you and your husband wants to brush it under the carpet.

You have done nothing wrong 💕

Similar to others.. I wondered why dh was in the other room with sil?

Has dh been going off with sil so bil thought he would get his own back?

Wife swapping?(bit creepy brothers doing it but it takes all sorts )

Can you remember what upset you so much?

Do you think you may have inadvertently suggested something to the bil?

Most importantly you did nothing wrong. He shouldn't have touched you.

Op you could have been paralytic and playing strip poker and he still had no right to touch you uninvited...
Your dh's reaction makes me suspect bil may have form...

@nousernameno has he done anything like this before? I wonder if he’s done this with other partners of your DP’s?

Wife swapping seems a bit far fetched?
Op has your partner ever hinted at anything like this before

Well DH said he was drunk and couldn’t think properly. And said they didn’t do anything (him and SIL) and swore that he was upset but didn’t want to escalate the situation. BIL messaged saying he wants to talk it through but I clearly said I didn’t want to.

I’m mad that it happened and I did tel DH that I will never forgive him for the way he acted and treated me.