Kids kissing

[Onthedowns]

My 9 year old DD has been fairly niave until recently. We allow her a mobile mainly in lockdown to keep in touch with her family and friends. No social media no Tik tok.

Obviously a lot of her friends have access. She has also recently covered the start of sex educstion. If this is relevant. We don't volunteer information but will answer any questions she asks as best we can age wise.

She has always laughed and joked about boyfriends like all kids her age. Recently a new boy started in her class a few weeks ago. Last week she came home and said he called her attractive she didn't really understand so we explained about being pretty etc nice to look at.

I think they get on and have chatted at lumchbreaks. Today she has a friend staying who said that this boy and DD kissed. We haven't heard full details as her friend is staying and will chat tomorrow.

I am really unsure how to handle this. I don't think it's entirely appropriate and i feel from what DD has said this boy is very forward.

Wise ones with advice please?

OP I think you’re right it is a fine balance. My son is 12 now but it was apparent starting secondary he was more naive than many peers and that was with sex Ed at primary (where he didn’t have a clue) so lesson learnt here for my now 4 year old to perhaps chat earlier.

I will add though please do talk about periods, I started my period age 9, and had NO idea what it was. Very traumatic. I realise that’s probably less common but it’s something I will certainly casually talk with my daughter about from a younger age.

Periods usually start between 10 and 16, with some earlier or later. So really 9 year old should have a basic understanding. It's scary enough without not having a clue what is happening. And it's definitely better if they get the facts and not the playground gossip.

It's also important children are taught about inappropriate touching, consent etc in case someone is inappropriate with them.

I don't understand this idea of not telling them because it takes their innocence/childhood away. I take it those posters also object to teaching WWI/WWII.

With the 'kids be kids' mindset, we have to remember that some kids are curious, and sometimes kids kiss because they're curious and it may feel nice even with no sexual thinking involved. They can also be coerced into it by their peers, even with no sexual thinking involved, but based more on power. Getting more details around the kissing and how forward this boy is a good starting point and go from there.

I kissed before I was 9 - never at school, it was usually at church oddly enough. It didn't feel sexual to me until much later. Even in a very evangelical background, sex was discussed at home and even more by peers at school - body stuff from about 8 or so, sex stuff from about 12, though I've read things that claim the average of a child coming across pornography for the first time is around 11 now.

I know the common advice is to wait to ask, but this relies on the idea that all children ask. I have one child who did ask as expected, and the others didn't. In fact, the older one ran out of the room when his younger sister asked a related question. When asked if he knew where babies come from, having 3 younger siblings, at around the OP's daughter's age, maybe a bit older, he gave a quote from a documentary about people coming from stardust. Unlike his more curious younger sister, he would not touch related books we have. At 10-11/before secondary age, we ended up doing a few evenings with bribery (for us both) awkwardly going through things to make sure he had a clear understanding of the anatomy (rather than just names of parts but also when things are a concern), expectations, laws, reality on these things. I didn't want him getting a phone with a camera or using the internet elsewhere or having to decipher schoolyard remarks without a clear grounding in it.

I agree with CanofCant. The drip, drip,drip feed.

That's how I've done it with my kids. Started when my 4yo boy asked about my periods when we were in a public loo.

As they asked more, I told them more in am age appropriate way.

At 5 they were satisfied that babies were made with the Mummy's egg and Daddy's sperm with a special Mummy and Daddy cuddle.

My eldest at age 7/8 was no longer satisfied with the Mummy/Daddy cuddle so I explained further. She's 12 now and recently asked what oral sex was (where grown ups kiss and lick each others bits). Again, she didn't need too much detail that was enough for her to go "yuk, I'm never doing that!" As she gets older, I'm sure she'll ask more.

The important thing is that, at an age where she could be awkward about it, she isn't because we have talked about sex for years. There never was any big, awkward "talk". It's as normal in our house to talk about sex as it is what we're doing at the weekend.

@Tobybuster

OP I think you’re right it is a fine balance. My son is 12 now but it was apparent starting secondary he was more naive than many peers and that was with sex Ed at primary (where he didn’t have a clue) so lesson learnt here for my now 4 year old to perhaps chat earlier.

I will add though please do talk about periods, I started my period age 9, and had NO idea what it was. Very traumatic. I realise that’s probably less common but it’s something I will certainly casually talk with my daughter about from a younger age.

We have done the drip feeding she knows about where babies come from. Woman wise and special cuddles. We are going over periods this week with her. Some content re sex but i genuinely don't think she needs every detail at 9

I would hardly compare the horrors or war to sex education. She's learnt various things re war terrorism as she's asked but she's also an anxious child when we have discussed those things. Some children do simply take longer to process things