Kids kissing

[Onthedowns]

My 9 year old DD has been fairly niave until recently. We allow her a mobile mainly in lockdown to keep in touch with her family and friends. No social media no Tik tok.

Obviously a lot of her friends have access. She has also recently covered the start of sex educstion. If this is relevant. We don't volunteer information but will answer any questions she asks as best we can age wise.

She has always laughed and joked about boyfriends like all kids her age. Recently a new boy started in her class a few weeks ago. Last week she came home and said he called her attractive she didn't really understand so we explained about being pretty etc nice to look at.

I think they get on and have chatted at lumchbreaks. Today she has a friend staying who said that this boy and DD kissed. We haven't heard full details as her friend is staying and will chat tomorrow.

I am really unsure how to handle this. I don't think it's entirely appropriate and i feel from what DD has said this boy is very forward.

Wise ones with advice please?

Can't actually believe some of what I am reading here. How about letting kids be kids?

I too have a 9 year old girl and am acutely aware of the PSE conversations approaching and playground chatter. However, she just isn't interested. I believe in being open and will answer any questions she has but she hasn't had them yet. I'm sure it won't be long. Whilst 9 year olds can be incredibly mature in some ways in other ways they are very young and very easily confused.

You can teach bodily autonomy, self respect and confidence without having to bring it down to reproduction.

It's absolutely right as has been said that she needs to know she can say no to a kiss.

@Aquamarine1029

I started talking to my children about sex and biology by the time they were 3, and they're adults now. You have age appropriate discussions that progress as they get older. It's not hard, especially with all the info available.

Exactly. There are books, now there are video resources too, it's just one of those things that should be a 'normal' topic, not some big conversation when you're 9.

I don't remember being told about biology, sex or periods. Which means, I was given the information at a very young age, before I started forming exact memories, and I grew thinking it was all normal and part of life. Which it is.

Obviously the info was presented in an age appropriate manner, because I am definitely not traumatised by it. My primary school friend was traumatised when someone else took a pad out of her bag, she didn't know what they were for, the other girl explained in a very matter-of-fact way that she was on her period, and this 10 year old who'd never heard about it before, had to be sent home because of how upset she was.

If, from a very young age, parents don't make a big deal out of these things, it won't be a big deal later on when they start dealing with them. Finding out as a pre-teen, an age where they already process information more rationally, could make them very upset or shocked/confused about it.

Children learn about sex and periods in one of two ways.

From their parents and teachers in an age appropriate way - or from the playground.

It’s far better that children learn from accurate and open information from the adults around them than from playground tittle tattle.

How about letting kids be kids?

Explaining how our bodies work isn't taking away their childhood.

Do you also protest to them learning about photosynthesis, poetry, geometrical figures, families of animals and Queen Victoria? All topics explored around age 9, which I wouldn't say are specifically aimed at children.

Children need to learn about the world they live in, that's what they all receive in education, be that in school or in other settings. It's how they become adults, by learning how things work. That includes their own body.

Ps to answer your actual question, I also have a 6 year old who has had a phase of wanting to kiss the boys, (Complete opposite to my 9 year old!) I asked her why and she said "because she loved him" (she is very loving!)we had a chat about what that meant and how sometimes we really like people but it doesn't mean we have to kiss them, etc and it wasn't allowed at school. It blew over. Not sure whether would be quite that straightforward at 9. Given hugging isn't allowed at school still I imagine kissing most definitely isn't... but the important thing is to know if she is comfy with or felt pressured. Good luck!

I think the drip, drip effect is best. Tiny bits of age appropriate information from an early age. My DC have walked in on me in the bathroom which has lead to questions about periods. When DC was a toddler and asked why I was bleeding, I told them it was called a period and meant that I wouldn't be having a baby that month. Then a while later they asked more questions that evolved into explaining about how they were made from one of mum's eggs and dad's sperm. They havent asked how the egg and sperm meet yet but when they do they will already have that foundation of knowledge iyswim?

that's what they all receive in education should read

that's why they all receive an education

Op don't panic. You are not alone in your viewpoint. It is possible to overdo it introducing some concepts relating to puberty and sex to children not old enough to understand or consider the facts in context.

I have nieces and nephews who are 8, 9, 11, the eldest is fully aware of the details of puberty etc, knows the facts of life but in a biological/factual age appropriate way. She understands consent but that doesnt mean needing to discuss things like sexual assault . They don't need to "know it all" at 9.

It's a good idea to talk gently to your daughter about the differences between boys and girls, starting with puberty and what she needs to expect to change with her body and what will happen to boys. Then you can also talk factually about sex & how babies originate, but it's important to talk about relationships too, and to explain that sex isn't only about making babies, that it should be enjoyable & consenting for both people involved. You should also progress to talking a bit about attraction and the association between kissing/touching etc and penetrative sex.

In many ways it's easier to find out about periods and things at a young age like 5 because it's so far in the future that you don't dwell on it and it becomes an equivalent to being able to drive when you're 17.

You don't stop being a kid because you find out information about something. Considering how poor some mens knowledge about periods is, Mums should pass on accurate knowledge rather than treat it like something dirty.

@jakeyboy1

Can't actually believe some of what I am reading here. How about letting kids be kids?

I too have a 9 year old girl and am acutely aware of the PSE conversations approaching and playground chatter. However, she just isn't interested. I believe in being open and will answer any questions she has but she hasn't had them yet. I'm sure it won't be long. Whilst 9 year olds can be incredibly mature in some ways in other ways they are very young and very easily confused.

You can teach bodily autonomy, self respect and confidence without having to bring it down to reproduction.

It's absolutely right as has been said that she needs to know she can say no to a kiss.

Thank you so much. This is very much how I feel. Perhaps i am niave but she isn't and hasn't been interested. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I am more than prepared to tell her as and when appropriate i just really wasn't sure how best to deal with what i believe is a very forward boy

Ignorance does not equal innocence.

@RubyFakeLips
My daughter is a only a couple of years older than yours, and although this wasn’t the case for us, by 10/11, I was aware many of her friends had started their periods. It might be much sooner than you think.

I’m in my mid 20s and only 3 of us started our periods in year 6 (10-11years). Most of my friends started their period when they were 14. I don’t think “many” of her friends in Year 6 would have started their periods.

@Laiste My 7 year old knows the basic mechanics of sex. She knew about the little egg which grew at about 5.

I think 5 and 7 is too young to learn about sex. They’ve barely learnt to hold a pencil and write, let alone know about what mummy and daddy do together in bed. Why does a 7 year old need to know how to have sex with a boy?

@Onthedowns you could start with teaching her about consent and peer pressure. If her gut is telling her no, then she should say no and walk away. If she doesn’t want this boy to kiss her, then he should respect that. I think it’s inappropriate that they’re kissing at school, unless it’s a kiss on the cheek.

[quote CutieBear]@Onthedowns you could start with teaching her about consent and peer pressure. If her gut is telling her no, then she should say no and walk away. If she doesn’t want this boy to kiss her, then he should respect that. I think it’s inappropriate that they’re kissing at school, unless it’s a kiss on the cheek.[/quote]
I think this is more my primary approach and feeling and i don't think its appropriate in school either

Possibly i am. More unprepared i had a very bad childhood abuse Foster care and perhaps i try and shield her unnecessarily

I have a similar background except for foster care. And many negative experiences caused by lack of knowledge.

Which is why I took the opposite approach with my daughter. It's more protective( not just from abuse, but having strong boundaries in general,being body confident etc)and safer to give them age appropriate information, especially when it comes to their own bodies and changes .

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

Possibly i am. More unprepared i had a very bad childhood abuse Foster care and perhaps i try and shield her unnecessarily

I have a similar background except for foster care. And many negative experiences caused by lack of knowledge.

Which is why I took the opposite approach with my daughter. It's more protective( not just from abuse, but having strong boundaries in general,being body confident etc)and safer to give them age appropriate information, especially when it comes to their own bodies and changes .

Mine was negative because of knowing and being aware of to much from a very early age being surrounded by adults who couldn't parent and being exposed to situations not suitable for young children

I am perusing books for us to go through together

No matter what age girls start their periods, I have heard of 9 and 10 yr olds, so Yr 5 at primary, they must know what they are beforehand. There is nothing more scary to suddenly start and not know what/why it is happening. Whether they are going to start at 9 or 15 you must tell them it will happen.

[quote CutieBear]@RubyFakeLips
My daughter is a only a couple of years older than yours, and although this wasn’t the case for us, by 10/11, I was aware many of her friends had started their periods. It might be much sooner than you think.

I’m in my mid 20s and only 3 of us started our periods in year 6 (10-11years). Most of my friends started their period when they were 14. I don’t think “many” of her friends in Year 6 would have started their periods.

@Laiste My 7 year old knows the basic mechanics of sex. She knew about the little egg which grew at about 5.

I think 5 and 7 is too young to learn about sex. They’ve barely learnt to hold a pencil and write, let alone know about what mummy and daddy do together in bed. Why does a 7 year old need to know how to have sex with a boy?[/quote]
My son knew all about sex from age 6/7 as I was pregnant and he kept asking. Wouldn’t accept the special
cuddle thing and just kept asking and asking so I told him. He knows exactly what happens and also knows all about consent. He knows about periods as has seen tampons etc. I’d rather he knows the facts from me than the playground.

God! 8 yo still talks to his teddies!

@tentosix

God! 8 yo still talks to his teddies!

Mine too. But he knows about sex as well 🤷‍♀️

Of course we will talk about periods. This instance happened at school so we have had a chat about consent, feeling uncomfortable and not doing anything under pressure. I have also stated i don't think its appropriate at school

Why does a 7 year old need to know how to have sex with a boy?

You teach them that adults have sex. (Kids think that teens are basically adults so that clarification can come later) Boys and girls do not have sex.

Op do your kids never ask how babies get in mummies tummies? I know mine did at a very young age and I gave them age appropriate information about daddies putting a seed in mummies tummy. The conversation goes on from there, drip feeding information until they have it all.

9 really is not an uncommon age for girls to start their periods. My DD started at 10 - she had always known about periods because she followed me into the bathroom and has seen it (the Joy's of being a single parent). I also spoke to her about it and she has books etc. Plus friends already had theirs.

You do a disservice to your kids by keeping this information away from them.

Boys have penises and girls have vulvas and the difference is interesting to children at 3, 4 and 5. If you start explaining, in age-appropriate terms, what they’re for, you don’t need to have the panic at 9 or 10.

Ok I get what you mean about gory details. Some of these responses
I have two girls 12 and 13, both have started their periods. Neither of them knew about sex at 9 to be honest. They knew about saying no to being huggles and inappropriate touching etc.

Have a chat with her, find out what kind of kissing and take it from there.

Childhoods are getting shorter and shorter.