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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD Yr 11 (age 16) leavers assembly smart casual

54 replies

Spring2021 · 21/05/2021 14:35

Not an AIBU more a what do you think?

We found out last week that DD year 11 age 16 finishes school next week. School has arranged a leavers assembly and photos next Wed morn with the dress code as ‘smart casual’ and a separate school disco not a prom in July again dress code smart casual.

DD is adamant she doesn’t want to go to the disco at all which feels sad and strange but her choice so I have to accept that and so I have. She is also not bothered about the Leavers assembly either.

She isn’t really into fashion, clothes and prefers comfort and the only clothes she has are old jeans hoodies/sweatshirts and t shirts. She says she will wear something she already has so basically that would be old jeans and a hoodie or sweatshirt. I have tried to encourage her to have a look online and suggested a shopping trip to a big city this weekend but she just gets angry and keeps saying she isn’t interested and doesn’t want anything. I have spoken to other kids at the schools parents (not Dd’s friends) and the boys all seem to be wearing dress trousers and shirts and the girls seem to be all wearing dresses for the Leavers Assembly.

We have very few clothes shops where we live and DD is quite tall so if she wanted anything new now its either a last minute shopping trip to a big city this weekend or ordering something online and hope it fits and she likes it.

Shall I leave her to it and let her go in old jeans a hoodie and old trainers (but she’ll prob regret it and feel rubbish on the day or we’ll end up scrambling around the supermarkets on Tues night or try to push her into going shopping with her friend locally or with me this weekend or ordering something online? She was in town with her best friend last weekend but they don’t really like going into shops!!

Also can anyone suggest any online retailers or shops that cater more for taller girls? She definitely wouldn’t wear anything too short, too low, cropped or too frilly or flouncy etc.

How would you approach this or would you just leave her to it?

Thanks

OP posts:
CursedEngagement · 21/05/2021 14:51

Have a look on Boohoo - they have a solid range of stuff for "tall" women. If I were you, I'd purchase a bunch of options, if she decides not to wear any then you can send them all back. If she decides to wear one then you can send the rest back. They have a simple returns procedure so you can easily return it all or anything unworn. So, if she comes to you in a flap the night before you have a few options for her to pick from and there's no mad scramble to the shops.

Original poster
Spring2021 · 21/05/2021 14:56

Thanks have never ordered from Boohoo will take a look.

OP posts:
superstar84 · 21/05/2021 15:07

How tall is she? Next Do a tall range with some simple basics

Oilofolives · 21/05/2021 15:54

I’d not push her into a dress: although others are wearing them, they aren’t her friends.

I’d say that it’s an occasion- leaving school - and you’d like her to look her best for it, she has a budget of £ for new clothes and you’ll happily drive/ order/shop with her this weekend if she wants. I’d also ask what her friends are wearing/doing and whether she wants to celebrate with them other than through this school event. Then I would leave her to it.

If she regrets what she wears, then you can have a chat afterwards about how she can put her best foot forward in a way that is true to her style.

She will probably spend the money on a new t shirt and new trainers which she likes and will be very happy in.

Lightningrain · 21/05/2021 15:59

Would she wear a pair of black jeans and a top to look a bit smarter? Or a jumpsuit if she’s not into dresses.

MordredsOrrery · 21/05/2021 16:05

I'd leave her to it and if she asked me if she could stay home rather than attend that would be fine. I know leaving school is a big thing to a lot of people, but it isn't to everyone. It wasn't to me - I left without attending any events and have never regretted those decisions. Let her choose for herself.

Original poster
Spring2021 · 21/05/2021 16:21

Thanks she has now looked up smart casual
and decided she will come shopping with me at the weekend if she can go to WagaMamas but she doesn’t want a dress but will
have a new pair of black of black jeans and maybe a new plain top. Which is fine by me and at least she will wear the jeans again and she does need some.

Her BF whose opinion seems to be the only one she cares about has no idea what she is wearing yet. But she is average height so she could probably pick something up last minute locally.

She has a short attention span and gets bored and tired easily shopping so where is best to try for nice jeans and a top please (definitely not cropped)? Dd is 5’10’ dress size 12.

OP posts:
Cattitudes · 21/05/2021 16:23

Will she be needing some smart casual clothes for 6th form or if she wants to get a part time job? Might be worth helping her to choose something, maybe trousers and a top which is vaguely smart for such occasions. Then she has the choice. It would though probably be better to have just had them in uniform for the leavers assembly unless they don't have a uniform. I imagine quite a few people haven't been clothes shopping for a year and things which fitted her a year ago might not now anyway.

katy1213 · 21/05/2021 16:28

Leave her be. If she's anything like I was, she's probably just thinking 'Thank god I'll never see that place again!' Not everything has to be turned into an event.

lanthanum · 21/05/2021 16:29

Mine would be in the same boat - she has two pairs of jeans (one of which needs replacing) and her school uniform, and a nice outfit she wore once for a family occasion - which I guess is what she would have to wear (fortunately she has not grown). She hates shopping even more than I do. One of this weekend's jobs is to measure her to try and do something about the jeans (which may not be skinny or ripped).

Sally872 · 21/05/2021 16:32

I would order a couple of casual dresses.
And for my dd who is very casual I would prob get a pair of new trainers to go with casual dress to see if that sparks some enthusiasm!

dayslikethese1 · 21/05/2021 16:32

Black jeans and a nice jumper? Plain but not too scruffy.

Seeline · 21/05/2021 16:38

H&M is popular with DD
New Look
Primark of course

Original poster
Spring2021 · 21/05/2021 16:39

Thanks the Leavers day Assembly is compulsory not optional so she has to go the issue was just what to wear within the dress code and her being disinterested/awkward.

She will go onto 6th form at the same school but some kids may go onto a college or get apprenticeships. Jeans are allowed at DD’s school for 6th form its smart casual just no cropped, strappy or low cut tops which DD wouldn’t wear anyway.

Thanks all

OP posts:
Enroljas · 21/05/2021 16:46

My DD refused to go to her prom but leavers assembly wasn’t optional. The dress code was smart casual. DD was not into dresses and chose to wear whole black skinny jeans, as opposed to ripped, a white Lacy top (not frilly or cropped. From memory I think she bought it at New Look - a few years ago now but they may have something similar in stock) and a red blazer.

She looked very smart tbf and has worn each item many times since.

Oilofolives · 21/05/2021 16:46

@Spring2021: Zara or Mango for tops? Jeans - trickier - sometimes Mango/Zara can be long enough in leg. Gap have some tall. Next have a tall range. A department store can be a good plan - quick and easy to move onto another brand if nothing is working

Original poster
Spring2021 · 21/05/2021 17:02

Thanks we don’t have a Zara or Mango but planning in going to a city that has them so thats a good to know.

Thanks all

OP posts:
LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 21/05/2021 17:17

Next have a 'tall' range which has some good unfussy clothes if you have one near you. They also wear well in my experience. Gap is good too.
I also hate shopping (and spend all my time in tatty jeans and hoodies) so I would spend a bit of time on the websites of shops you might visit so you can get an idea if they stock things your daughter will wear. Then you can go into the shops with an idea in mind and not have to tramp round shops with both of you getting frustrated and cross. You could also order a few things online and she can try them on in the comfort of your own home and then return what she doesn't like.

Willdoitlater · 21/05/2021 17:19

Dont forget nice dresses need nice shoes. Ther's no point geting a dress if she only has trainers. (Assuming that isn't a fashion trend I've missed!)

kowari · 21/05/2021 17:23

I don't see why they wouldn't just do the assembly in uniform and wear what the hell you want for a disco! Working within the rules though, if sixth form is smart casual with jeans allowed, just buy some new jeans and an appropriate top she can wear this year and next.

Original poster
Spring2021 · 21/05/2021 18:08

Yes uniform would be simpler but historically at DD’s school smart casual dress on leavers day has been a thing (lads often in suits and girls really going to town with dresses, jumpsuits etc) and a lot go out for meals within their friendship groups.

OP posts:
Sally872 · 21/05/2021 20:33

@Willdoitlater dresses and trainers are definitely a trend just now. So that could be a good compromise.

Original poster
Spring2021 · 22/05/2021 17:05

Well had a shopping trip she got some new jeans but a faded black pair, refused to try on the full black. Wouldn’t try on any dresses or any tops as she wanted a plain shirt (no flowers, no dots, no frills, no sheer bits etc etc). She finished up with a crappy checked shirt, think summer lumber jack. Had a brief look at shoes and says she didn’t want any and said she’d just go barefoot.
At least her jeans are new, the shirt is marginally better than a hoodie but not really fitting the schools ‘smart casual’ dress code brief. But I’ve tried, she won’t listen, didn’t want to know. I’m not exhausted now, but we haven’t fallen out.

OP posts:
PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 22/05/2021 17:29

That sounds like a bit of a trial for both of you! Flowers

Do you think she's likely to have a panic just before? I'm just wondering whether it might be an idea to buy a plain blouse like this (only suggesting M&S because it's usually quite easy to buy and return, and that's so plain I doubt anybody will know where it's from), and not tell her, but just keep it in hand?

At least she'll wear the jeans!

Original poster
Spring2021 · 22/05/2021 23:18

Thanks yes its a nightmare.

OP posts: