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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD Yr 11 (age 16) leavers assembly smart casual

54 replies

Spring2021 · 21/05/2021 14:35

Not an AIBU more a what do you think?

We found out last week that DD year 11 age 16 finishes school next week. School has arranged a leavers assembly and photos next Wed morn with the dress code as ‘smart casual’ and a separate school disco not a prom in July again dress code smart casual.

DD is adamant she doesn’t want to go to the disco at all which feels sad and strange but her choice so I have to accept that and so I have. She is also not bothered about the Leavers assembly either.

She isn’t really into fashion, clothes and prefers comfort and the only clothes she has are old jeans hoodies/sweatshirts and t shirts. She says she will wear something she already has so basically that would be old jeans and a hoodie or sweatshirt. I have tried to encourage her to have a look online and suggested a shopping trip to a big city this weekend but she just gets angry and keeps saying she isn’t interested and doesn’t want anything. I have spoken to other kids at the schools parents (not Dd’s friends) and the boys all seem to be wearing dress trousers and shirts and the girls seem to be all wearing dresses for the Leavers Assembly.

We have very few clothes shops where we live and DD is quite tall so if she wanted anything new now its either a last minute shopping trip to a big city this weekend or ordering something online and hope it fits and she likes it.

Shall I leave her to it and let her go in old jeans a hoodie and old trainers (but she’ll prob regret it and feel rubbish on the day or we’ll end up scrambling around the supermarkets on Tues night or try to push her into going shopping with her friend locally or with me this weekend or ordering something online? She was in town with her best friend last weekend but they don’t really like going into shops!!

Also can anyone suggest any online retailers or shops that cater more for taller girls? She definitely wouldn’t wear anything too short, too low, cropped or too frilly or flouncy etc.

How would you approach this or would you just leave her to it?

Thanks

OP posts:
thecatwithnoeyes · 22/05/2021 23:20

How would you approach this or would you just leave her to it?

I would approach it by listening. Then leaving her to do as she chooses.

Ilovemaisie · 23/05/2021 00:32

What will the school do if she comes in the clothes she has chosen? Not let her in? Would they really be that petty?
I remember having to do a similar thing at school when I was 14 and I wore 'a nice' skirt and top. I felt incredibly self conscious. 20 or so years later I wore 'a nice' dress to get married in. I felt incredibly self conscious.
Let her wear what she wants and is comfortable in.

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 23/05/2021 00:59

The checked shirt and faded black jeans are smart casual.

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 23/05/2021 01:07

Ps don’t get her an m&s white shirt secretly. It’ll look like an old school blouse

5zeds · 23/05/2021 01:08

She’s finding her own style.

LadyCatStark · 23/05/2021 07:45

@Willdoitlater

Dont forget nice dresses need nice shoes. Ther's no point geting a dress if she only has trainers. (Assuming that isn't a fashion trend I've missed!)
@Willdoitlater This is completely a fashion trend that you’ve missed 😂

Personally, I’d go for nice black skinny jeans, a clean pair of Vans or Converse and a nice jumper as it’s still cold enough for one.

LadyCatStark · 23/05/2021 07:46

@Spring2021 sorry, just read your update. You’ve tried your best!

newnortherner111 · 23/05/2021 07:54

I applaud her for not wanting to go to the disco incidentally. I think the school should not be having events where it is expected or even just encouraged to 'dress up' given it can lead to single use clothing. Perhaps worth suggesting to the school afterwards.

You tried your best and hope that DD has done and does do her academic and other skills justice in exams.

PiccalilliChilli · 23/05/2021 08:07

I'd leave her to it.

Oblomov21 · 23/05/2021 08:11

I disagree about leaving her to it. She needs a few more bits: another pair of trousers or jeans and another couple of tops. Maybe some online shopping together or one more shopping trip?

Original poster
Spring2021 · 23/05/2021 09:29

We have tried to encourage online shopping and encouraged her to go shopping with her best friend but she really isn’t interested its not even a case of finding her style either as she doesn’t really have one and isn’t interested. Yesterdays shopping trip to our nearest shopping centre was 70 miles each way, i have also been shielding so it was a big step for me. Another shopping trip at this stage would really be like flogging a dead horse with more potential of her getting really angry and upset. So its really not worth it for two hours in school. Although most kids and parents are really pushing the boat out it does seem a bit silly to spend lots of money on an outfit (they will probably never wear again) to show off in for two hours on a cold day. I have since found out the leavers Assembly is virtual on a screen which they view from the classroom within form rooms followed by photos outside the school. DD and her friend just want to get out of school as quickly as possible and not pose about and go for big group meals in town etc.

OP posts:
kowari · 23/05/2021 09:30

@Oblomov21 What's the point if she doesn't want to wear them?

DappledThings · 23/05/2021 09:38

I would have been exactly the same at her age. I would have been pissed off the assembly wasn't school uniform as that would be so much easier and I would have resented any attempts by my mum to get me into some smart clothes of my own.

I would probably have insisted on going in a hoodie and jeans if that's what I had, happily skipped the disco and regretted neither.

BluebellsGreenbells · 23/05/2021 09:46

Our school have don’t the same dress code. Why couldn’t they just wear their uniforms to save the hassle?

Some parents have brought their sons full suits abs ties, my son is going to wear a polo shirt. Trackies and trainers - he’s really not bothered .

DD is wearing jeans and a T-shirt and hoodie.

I don’t think parents stressing out about these things helps and neither do I think the school have been responsible, it should be uniform or dress down. Not all children will go to sixth form or need smart clothes for work.

Pressure on the poor again.

eurovisionsparkles · 23/05/2021 09:52

What's she doing for year 12? Many Sixth forms have a dress code and jeans wouldn't be allowed so this might be a good time to buy a smart casual outfit anyway.

silvercats · 23/05/2021 10:08

Poor you OP, but you have tried. I guess if they’re just sitting in the classroom and watching the assembly, it doesn’t really matter. And if she’s not going for dinner later, people found LU won’t notice what she has on. Is she wearing trainers? Would she not consider some boots or something with her jeans? Are the jeans these huge baggy ones they’re wearing at the moment?

silvercats · 23/05/2021 10:09

probably not “found lu”

3scape · 23/05/2021 10:18

A jacket to give a more tailored look with jeans could look good? Certainly I've bought one for my daughter's 6th form school/ visiting relatives clothes choices. I'm sure it's a pain for her but if she doesn't want bpther she probably won't want the bother of any teachers 'having a word' either. I'm with her. School was somewhere I just wanted to not get noticed nor make a fuss for. I would have hated the idea of leavers proms etc. Too much fuss.

Original poster
Spring2021 · 23/05/2021 10:27

She is doing 6th form but fortunately the dress code is quite relaxed and includes jeans just not showing too much flesh (which she is fine with).

Yes from what I can gather most girls are going in high sandals and short dresses with some taking DM sandals to change into afterwards.

Apparently at the Leavers Assembly in previous years the majority of girls wore short dresses and high shoes/sandals with most of the boys in suits.

OP posts:
sashh · 23/05/2021 10:28

She sounds fab OP

I was going to suggest smart jeans and a shirt.

Would she wear a smart T shirt under the lumberjack shirt? Then she has the option of the shirt as more of a jacket?

ThinWomansBrain · 23/05/2021 10:34

Presumably smart/casual is code for non uniform but not spending a fortune on prom dresses / outfits?

What is she going on to do next? Won't she need clothes for work /interviews, etc?

NoNameNoOne · 23/05/2021 10:45

Hiya.
www.next.co.uk/g96527s1/367730#367730
Emma Willis has some gorgeous bits in next, not too girly and available in tall x Might be the answer to your prayers x

Oilofolives · 23/05/2021 10:56

I think getting tall jeans is a real success: I remember a number of v frustrating teenage shopping experiences re jeans. Also, well done for braving it all.

It sounds like she will be in presentable clothes which she is comfortable in.

Original poster
Spring2021 · 23/05/2021 10:57

She is doing 6th form @ThinWomansBrain

OP posts:
Voomster953 · 23/05/2021 12:13

I’d leave her alone and not try to micromanage her leaving of school. She’ll feel more uncomfortable if you force her into your idea of ‘smart casual’.