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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like my doctor is gaslighting me

47 replies

Kitchendisco73 · 21/05/2021 10:19

I have some health anxiety which i have now realised is probably linked to perimenopause symptoms that I have been experiencing for 3 years at least. I am now 48 and fully in perimenopause & feel crap for most of the time. I printed off a big list of my symptoms and the doctor fobbed me off with ‘you aren’t having hot flushes, have some anti depressants and go away’. I made a complaint & nothing has happened there after me speaking to the practise manager who said they would act on it.

My doctor always fobs me off with ‘you are just anxious’ every time I go but this time is a complete disregard for my symptoms and very much ‘you might think it’s perimenopause but we know better’. I feel like I am going mad I feel so unheard and fobbed off.

I feel like they have labelled me as ‘that woman with anxiety’ but it’s all linked to my peri symptoms which have really affected my mental health too. I basically feel like i am being completely failed by my doctors.

OP posts:
DeusEx · 21/05/2021 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleSunrise · 21/05/2021 10:26

I can see why you call it gaslighting. Can you see a different person?

CursedEngagement · 21/05/2021 10:34

This is 100% what gaslighting means. No idea why that's been disputed by PP. Telling you that you're not having the symptoms you think you're having is gaslighting you.

Lostlemuria · 21/05/2021 10:40

The NHS doesn’t have the resources to help you especially at this time. Pay and go private. HTH.

Original poster
Kitchendisco73 · 21/05/2021 10:43

@CursedEngagement telling you that you're not having the symptoms you think you're having is gaslighting you

It’s exactly that. It’s like they don’t believe what I am telling them and then fob me off. It’s making me feel like i am going mad because I am then questioning whether my symptoms are really happening.

I printed out the meno doc list of symptoms the last time to get clear in my mind and they still didn’t believe me

OP posts:
SpindleWhorl · 21/05/2021 10:45

@Lostlemuria

The NHS doesn’t have the resources to help you especially at this time. Pay and go private. HTH.
Don't be obtuse.

The GP is going against NICE guidelines.

@OP, get off AIBU and get over to the Menopause board for some sympathy and sensible advice Flowers

NCtilidie · 21/05/2021 10:46

@Lostlemuria how dismissive of someone suffering with their mental and physical health. Not everyone can afford private healthcare. You don't even know where she is. Having no problem accessing non-urgent healthcare where I am in Northern Ireland where we have the princely sum of 37 covid patients in hospital across the country. The issue isn't about covid. She's being told she is wrong about what she's experiencing. Not that they're too busy to help her.

Nowstrong · 21/05/2021 10:46

I'm sorry you are having a bad perimenopause, I had the same problems. Only recommendation is to change doctor. Unfortunately some doctors are oblivious to some female health issues.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/05/2021 10:47

Keep a symptom diary.
Has the Dr done any blood tests to check your hormone levels?

MrsWooster · 21/05/2021 10:50

Definitely go to the meno board and look at the official rights and Nice guidance. We have an NHS for now and you are entitled to treatment.

Original poster
Kitchendisco73 · 21/05/2021 10:51

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude yes I took in my symptom diary. They won’t do blood tests - I asked for them even though actually they aren’t that effective for diagnosing perimenopause

OP posts:
SpindleWhorl · 21/05/2021 10:52

Ironically, the GP has missed the best window for hormone tests. At 48, the patient should be consulted straight away about HRT irrespective of blood results as post-45 they are, according to NICE, unreliable, especially a one-off test.

gonnabeok · 21/05/2021 10:54

If I were you OP I would transfer to a different doctor's surgery asap.

vivainsomnia · 21/05/2021 10:59

It is incredible how poorly the menopause is understood. It’s not just males, I’ve come across many women who label the menopause in one way ( the way they experience it themselves) and refuse to accept that there are many ways the menopause can present itself.

Like the majority, I assumed the menopause was a case of hot flushes (and couldn’t understand why women made such a fuss getting a bit hot at times), having a bit of temper (that could be controlled if willing) and putting on weight.

My menopause was/is atypical. I’ve had the hot flushes (and yes, it’s a lot worse than a bit of bother), but very infrequent and so not really an issue. I haven’t suffered from rage (way too tired to have the energy to go into one) nor depression. I’ve had a lot of neurological manifestation and the constant feeling you get when you’ve drunk too much coffee...all the time leading to chronic insomnia and fatigue.

I’ve noticed how easily dismissed you can be by professional if you dare saying that hot flushes or night sweats are not an issue.

What do you want to achieve seeing a GP? I’ve found that medical professional respond so much better if you approach with clear expectations rather than being ‘understood’. If you are looking for a prescription of hrt, do your research online, on forums, and go to the go with a list of what you’d like prescribed explaining you’ve done your research. Get your blood pressure sorted, clarify your family history of Brest/ovarian cancer and tell them you’ve read everything about risks which you’ve considered but opted to to give hrt a go.

ExConstance · 21/05/2021 11:00

Just to say I had marvellous treatment from my g.P. during the lock down when my previous HRT prescription no longer suited me and I had various less than pleasant symptoms. She got me a hospital appointment just to be sure nothing sinister was going on. The consultant was lovely and gave me lots of advice about the alternatives I could try and my G.P then provided a Mirena coil and Oestrogel which are working very well for me now. You don't have to go private to get good treatment, just sign up with a G.P. who is actually interested in treating menopause.
I manage a team of woman at work and several have told me about being fobbed off with antidepressants when having menopause problems, it seems to be a bit of a thing.

baroqueandblue · 21/05/2021 11:01

That doesn’t sound like what’s happening here?

Oh the irony

Rubyrecka · 21/05/2021 11:02

@Lostlemuria

The NHS doesn’t have the resources to help you especially at this time. Pay and go private. HTH.
Ridiculous post.

OP can u see a different GP?

TurquoiseLemur · 21/05/2021 11:06

@Lostlemuria

The NHS doesn’t have the resources to help you especially at this time. Pay and go private. HTH.
Rubbish. The NHS is there for everybody and that includes women going through perimenopause and menopause.

Menopause affects half the human race and it's estimated that 25% of women who go through it have severe symptoms lasting several years. It is not a rare, niche problem. Yet medical training hardly mentions it and neither does GP training. That is a scandal.

In any case, plenty of people do not have the resources to go private.

I'm sorry, OP. I wish I could give you helpful advice. I am going through the whole thing myself and it is miserable. None of the GPs I have met has been unkind but some have just looked blank and are clearly out of their depth with anything menopause-related. One told me when I was 48 and having lots of symptoms that it couldn't be menopause "because the average age for menopause is 52 and you are only 48." Either she doesn't understand what "average" means or she hoped that I myself didn't.

Outbutnotoutout · 21/05/2021 11:17

I was the same as you and was thinking I would have a fight at my GP, however my doctor was amazing and she prescribed me there and then. It wasn't even a face to face appointment, I'm just 50.

Go to a different GP practice and ask for a sympathetic doctor who understands menopause.

Don't give up

mycatscausehell · 21/05/2021 11:19

explicitly ask for it in writing that they are denying you tests even with your described symptoms because they don't believe you

Gothichouse40 · 21/05/2021 11:22

I feel for you, sadly my female GP was very unsympathetic and I got the impression menopause was just to be got on with. I got on with it and had 3-4 years of pure, unadulterated hell. I have come through the other side, but with help from my husband and family. Im sorry, I don't know what to suggest, I hope you get through it and feel better soon.

jessycake · 21/05/2021 11:23

I had this I hit the menopause when they decided HRT was to be discouraged a few years back and was told to go away and take black Cohash . I also had undiagnosed hypothyroidism , which they discovered when I had a blood test later on after I had to give up work because I couldn't cope .

FangsForTheMemory · 21/05/2021 11:25

Can you make an appointment with another GP at the same surgery? I used to do this when I had a crap GP.

forinborin · 21/05/2021 11:27

Sometimes I feel like GPs prescribe antidepressants for absolutely everything. You're a woman? Feeling unwell (stops listening)? Here's your prozac.

I actually agree with a PP, go private. I've been diagnosed with an autoimmune condition privately after being brushed off by the GP several times with "probably it is all in your head, here's an antidepressant prescription, come back in 6 months if it doesn't help".

Original poster
Kitchendisco73 · 21/05/2021 11:31

@forinborin
Sometimes I feel like GPs prescribe antidepressants for absolutely everything. You're a woman? Feeling unwell (stops listening)? Here's your prozac

Exactly that. I had a stomach complaint a few years back- was getting pain every night & it was waking me up - went on for 6 months with the doc dismissing me with anxiety again after bloods came back normal. In the end I saw a nutritionist & stopped dairy & it vanished overnight & has never come back but it’s no thanks to the doctors who just dismiss everything as anxiety.

OP posts: