To feel like my doctor is gaslighting me

[Kitchendisco73]

I have some health anxiety which i have now realised is probably linked to perimenopause symptoms that I have been experiencing for 3 years at least. I am now 48 and fully in perimenopause & feel crap for most of the time. I printed off a big list of my symptoms and the doctor fobbed me off with ‘you aren’t having hot flushes, have some anti depressants and go away’. I made a complaint & nothing has happened there after me speaking to the practise manager who said they would act on it.

My doctor always fobs me off with ‘you are just anxious’ every time I go but this time is a complete disregard for my symptoms and very much ‘you might think it’s perimenopause but we know better’. I feel like I am going mad I feel so unheard and fobbed off.

I feel like they have labelled me as ‘that woman with anxiety’ but it’s all linked to my peri symptoms which have really affected my mental health too. I basically feel like i am being completely failed by my doctors.

Hi @Kitchendisco73

I'm just a little bit younger than you and have had symptoms of perimenopause for about a year. I got in touch with my G.P. (via an eConsult) when the symptoms got too bad for me to ignore any longer.

It's taken quite a long time to finally get my prescription for HRT, however I've felt supported and informed at each step.

Initially there were a lot of discussions and assessments to check whether I was suffering from depression/stress/anxiety. I had a scan to check my ovaries. I had a blood test. I was given a lot of literature to read, then had another discussion with my G.P. so she could be sure that I fully understood the risks of HRT. I had my height and weight checked, and my blood pressure checked every 2 weeks for 3 months. I was completing the depression/stress/anxiety assessments every month.

My G.P. used all my results to calculate the type and dose of HRT that is most likely to help my symptoms. Incidentally I don't have hot flushes during the day, but I'm plagued by night sweats. I was given a three month course and booked for a follow-up appointment to check how it's going.

What I'm trying to say is that the service provided by G.P.s obviously varies massively. I was naive in so far as I thought I'd just have one appointment, discuss my symptoms and be issued with a prescription. It was a much longer process than that, but I feel confident that I've been treated well.

Does your surgery have a different G.P. you can see? If not, I would do some research (family and friends/online reviews) to find a different G.P. in your area that you can move to.

Good luck

The NHS is open for business!

I went to my gp last October who did blood tests that all came back “fine”... but I wasn’t feeling fine! I asked for an appointment to discuss further and a different gp called - this time female and she highlighted the previous gp had missed tests off despite doing “full” bloods. She also wanted to see me face to face as she was that concerned. New blood test showed very low ferritin levels (6) which explained a lot. Simply needed iron tablets and now I’m back to feeling like me again. Previous gp said I was tired because I work in a high pressure job and have 3 dc - new gp appreciated that while that’s true, that’s my normal and I strive of being busy and feeling with stressful situations!

Short version - ask to see a different gp even if it’s in the same practice.

1. Formal complaint in writing.
2. See the practice expert in menopause ( I really hope it is not this jerk).
3. Demand a referral to a specialist who actually knows what they are doing.

I had to print off and take in the NICE guidelines after 2 years of this shit. It worked. So sorry this is happening to you, and best of luck with it.

OP, watch Davina McCall’s documentary about menopause.

How often do you go and see your gp?
How do you feel about the possibility of your symptoms being caused by anxiety?
Do you have someone who knows you well who could give their opinion on the situation?

I could have written your post. I had what felt like almost constant period pains but no period followed until a week later, irregular periods, I thought I had dementia, I couldn't stop crying, I could not sleep. I got offered firstly anti depressants, then pain killers, then a scan, all the time I was asking if I could try hrt. No I couldn't, I got anti depressants, pain killers and a scan to see if I had a problem with my womb. Every time I visited the doctor I was asked if I had hot flushes, but I only has the odd one so I was refused HRT. I never had my hormone levels checked. This went on for a couple of years until o was about 49. In the end I booked with an older female doctor, who I hoped would be more sympathetic, and I printed a list of symptoms from the NHS website. I could tick everything bar about 3 on that list by then but I didn't have hot flushes. I lied and told them I had hot flushes. I got HRT it was a miracle cure for me. Tell them you have terrible hot flushes, because it appears that to doctors that's the only symptom that counts.

So you told your GP e.g. I cannot sleep, my periods are unpredictable and they said "no you are not having trouble sleeping and your periods are not unpredictable"?

I am baffled that you presented a list of your symptoms and your GP didn't believe you.

I didn't get any gp help but found I could control the symptoms by:

• taking more exercise, running & cycling
• cutting back on wheat products
• cutting out alcohol
• drinking more water
• eating a wider variety of fresh fruit & veg
• taking a soy supplement

Ask to see a different GP but some of these might help in the meantime.

Hi from one perimenopausal woman to another!

This is about the umpteenth time I've heard of this kind of experience from a woman our age. Menopause symptoms are very poorly understood and often simply dismissed by the 'old guard' of male GPs.

Ask to see someone else. Or even change practice - some larger practices have GPs who specialise in women's health & menopause. Find a local or online support group so you can share your experiences with women like you. You're by no means alone. Good luck!

Unfortunately my doctors has no specialist menopause practitioner 🙄

The NHS doesn’t have the resources to help you especially at this time. Pay and go private. HTH.

Oh hang on. Let me just bend over & take the money I don't have to pay private out of my arse*

HTH.

It doesn’t sound like your GP is particularly sympathetic. They can’t really decide that you aren’t experiencing symptoms that you are describing, they can only say that they think that your symptoms may not be caused by peri-menopause. I would get a second opinion, or perhaps change GP surgeries if you aren’t getting anywhere.

However, I would say it is possible that you do have anxiety, which can be associated with physical symptoms- it is possible that your GP believes your anxiety is not caused by peri-menopause. It is also true that pre-existing anxiety can be exacerbated by peri-menopause. Or it may be the underlying cause. I think as doctors we have all come across these situations where it is unclear or where patients have a very different idea as to their diagnosis than what we think is going on. What they should not do is dismiss the patient but explain why we have come to the conclusion we have.

On a more general note, it is perfectly valid to treat menopause-related anxiety or low mood (and flushing, in some cases) with SSRI’s- so being prescribed anti-depressants does not necessarily mean you are being fobbed off. Your doctor should tell you if that is why they are suggesting prescribing you anti-depressants though.

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That's crap. My gp prescribed me hrt without any qualms after I had read the literature she sent me.

Print off the NICE guidelines that state any woman presenting with symptoms who is over 45 should be offered hrt in the first instance.

You have my sympathy! I was lucky - I saw a lovely young (male) trainee GP who gave me lots of literature to read, talked me through the options, provided a prescription and reminded me that his door was always open. Every practice should have someone like him!

I would ask to see a GP who has an interest in Women's health if they have one. If not and you can afford it go private and pay. Expensive (and annoying you have to) but honestly this is your quality of life being seriously affected so do what you need to address the issues. Good luck!

OP,
The blood test to establish where you are is an LH test.
That tells you where you are in your menopause.
I had mine done at 46/47 when I was in hell, to be told I was a quarter way through and offered HRT, which I rejected due to the bullshit stories of breast cancer🙄.

I found B Vitamin Complex which supports your nervous system and Star flower capsules to be fantastic.
Combined with the odd pot of sage tea made from fresh sage from the garden, my symptoms and mood were hugely improved.
I believe sage tablets are very helpful too.

The above are worth trying as you try to move doctor.

You have my full sympathy.

@Lostlemuria

The NHS doesn’t have the resources to help you especially at this time. Pay and go private. HTH.

Are you the gaslighting GP?

I found that as I could wrote to my GP due to Covid rather than talk, that they really listened. Can you do that?
I 'm 44, & with so many older female relations having heart/ stroke and osteoporosis risk, they sent me for bloods.
I had written the list of everything on the NICE list but were reluctant until the bloods were categorical.
Thankfully I haven't had to fight too hard but its because I managed to pick the right GP.
Is there another one in the practice that you can try?

Does your practice have e consult? Only asking as sometimes it’s easier to get across the message and you could ask about a trial of HRT

I wouldn’t routinely do bloods to check hormones as doesn’t change management as whether the results say normal , peri or post I would still treat depending on symptoms.
The reason I would do bloods would be to exclude other causes of your symptoms eg thyroid/ iron etc.

I think unfortunately for some GPs HRT has been stuck in the demon drug category due to the paper years ago and some haven’t moved on .
The more recent studies show good benefit to most women and with newer regimes eg topical oestrogen and either topical progesterone in form of a mirena or utrogestan the risks are far lower.
Menopause matters is really useful website .

Try a different GP if possible , if not fill out an e consult or a letter stating what you want to try as it is easier to be a bit more forceful sometimes this way than on the phone or face to face

OP could you see a different GP?

Could you afford to go private?

Would you be open to the idea of beta blockers for the anxiety while you figure out the above?