Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

do they still owe us money?

77 replies

expat101 · 20/05/2021 02:43

About two months ago we were invited to dinner at neighbours further along the road. Hubby admired some of their glassware, and was offered a box of a smaller design which we said no thanks to. I mentally thought I would buy a set next time I was shopping at the home shop.

During dinner, I mentioned we had our work cut out for us overcoming weekends on a project we had set a deadline for. Didn't think anything more of it until a week or so later, neighbours asked Hubby if they could have some landscaping items that came with our property, that if they had to buy retail, would have been quite pricey.

We were happy for them to have the items and was of the opinion they were organising a 3rd party to come and collect those items.

They offered X amount for each of the items which was agreeable.

The next week, one of them calls Hubby on his mobile instead of landline asking that the items be delivered by Hubby as their landscaper (they had shown us the quotes at dinner and all thought the costs were excessive, didn't think they were able to go ahead with employing one) was being held up in his work by not having the items.

(Apparently and Hubby is vague on the reason why) there was some problem with the 3rd party being available to organise the collection, so Hubby ended up doing it which meant our project became delayed and I had to reschedule other works around it.

(Two weeks later the 3rd party was at their property undertaking other work, and the work the landscaper was supposedly delayed over, still has not occurred).

Hubby dropped off some preserves I made this week, and they gave him a box of the glassware we had admired.

At the same time, they mentioned the money that was owed for the landscaping items Hubby delivered, and Hubby assumed the glassware was of similar value, and said don't worry about it.

When I got home and he told me of the arrangement, he asked if I thought the glassware was about the same value and I said I thought not. I have since had a look online at local shops and the value is about 1/4 of the agreed price for the landscaping items.

So not only have we lost time on our project, he isn't being paid for the landscaping bits and pieces either..

My gut feeling is they are taking the piss. They have had a falling out with another neighbour for similar reasons (in his case, they were ''broke'' and unable to afford this and that, so he helped them out with supplies he had at home, only to find they bought some very expensive furniture at the same time).

Am I right in thinking they should still pay for the landscaping items and the glassware is a gift because of the additional work Hubby went to, in delivering the items?

AIBU - Or should I just chalk it up to experience and think its friendship give and take?

OP posts:

Cally70 · 20/05/2021 06:33

YABU for using the word "hubby"

Melitza · 20/05/2021 06:39

You need to learn to be less helpful with these sort of people.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 20/05/2021 06:39

DH has agreed so the deal is done, you can't really go back on it now. If you're having dinner parties and sharing homemade jam then it sounds like there's a friendship there. Do you really want to ruin that by going back on your DH's decision?

CeeceeBloomingdale · 20/05/2021 06:40

To add, I'm not clear of your neighbours are taking the piss or if you're just too agreeable.

Latelatelate · 20/05/2021 06:44

Your neighbours are canny and know how to get something for nearly nothing. Your DH is too agreeable.
Don’t do deals with them in future, they will always come out on top.

Chalk this one up as experience.

ThatIsMyPotato · 20/05/2021 06:45

It doesn't matter what they are actually worth your husband decided they were an acceptable alternative to payment at the time.

Ileflottante · 20/05/2021 06:46

You said ‘hubby’ nine times.

You ‘hubby’ was an idiot and a people pleaser, they probably saw him coming.

velvetcurtains · 20/05/2021 06:49

Do you have a link to the glasses?

lughnasadh · 20/05/2021 06:58

When you said 'landscaping items' and mentioned delivery, I assumed you meant a little digger or some other heavy machinery.

Please tell me you aren't creating drama over a set of hedge clippers or a leaf blower.

Or is the glasswear is a diamond studded tiara?

WaterBottle123 · 20/05/2021 07:06

Sorry couldn't read the thread just to repeated use of word 'Hubby'.

I always imagine these Hubby's to be chubby, slightly dim types who embrace slacks, ITV and patio washers.

Smelborp · 20/05/2021 07:17

All of this has been caused by you and DH’s people pleasing.

They asked you to deliver the items as their project was going to be delayed. Rather than saying that would delay you and no, you agreed.

Your DH was given some glassware and there are so many things your DH could have replied rather than forget about the money, but that’s what he went with.

He made the suggestion to call it even, not them. I think I’d have to stick with that arrangement now personally.

If you really want the original deal, you are just going to have to go with something like you really need the money, but it’ll be awkward.

Tk5787338 · 20/05/2021 07:21

Your husband said don’t worry so you can’t go back on that now. However decent people would have said that the glassware weren’t the same value and they would still pay the money so for that reason I wouldn’t continue the friendship as I think they’re taking the piss.

Poorlykitten · 20/05/2021 07:22

No one, just no one should use the term ‘hubby’.

Clutterbugsmum · 20/05/2021 07:23

I'd take as read that whatever has happened, has happened but going forward be aware that your neighbours maybe CF's. So any further dealing them you need to be very clear with expectation with DH what is going to happen.

Fluffytheevil1 · 20/05/2021 07:24

@Cally70

YABU for using the word "hubby"

This. A million times.

DrManhattan · 20/05/2021 07:28

Keep your distance from your piss taking neighbours. Now they know you are total walkovers, they will take even more.

Jobsharenightmare · 20/05/2021 07:30

Your husband was far too accommodating and I think even if they weren't intentionally playing him they might next time.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 20/05/2021 07:31

@Cally70

YABU for using the word "hubby"

And using it loads of times.

Sally872 · 20/05/2021 07:35

I wouldn't have charged neighbours for items I was trying to get rid of (unless I had been planning to sell them)

I wouldn't have postponed my own project to deliver items to neighbours.

I wouldn't have said "don't worry about it" when money is mentioned. Neighbours probably gave glasses as a thank you for delivery as they did also say money is coming.

Now, I wouldn't sour a relationship with neighbours by asking for the money.

MyCrowd · 20/05/2021 07:38

He said 'don't worry about the money'. What were they supposed to do?

You are clearly quite close as you are having dinner at their house and dropping of home made preserves. It's quite normal for friends to give each other things that they don't want without payment.

I don't think your friends did anything wrong, it was all because of your husband.

SavoyCabbage · 20/05/2021 07:40

@Sally872

I wouldn't have charged neighbours for items I was trying to get rid of (unless I had been planning to sell them)

I wouldn't have postponed my own project to deliver items to neighbours.

I wouldn't have said "don't worry about it" when money is mentioned. Neighbours probably gave glasses as a thank you for delivery as they did also say money is coming.

Now, I wouldn't sour a relationship with neighbours by asking for the money.

Yes, all of this.

WeAllHaveWings · 20/05/2021 07:47

Your dh was happy to accept the glasses in exchange for the landscape items. Unless they know your "hubby" is not permitted to make his own decisions, yabu to jump to the conclusion they have jointly and actively tried to rip you off, they may have genuinely thought that glasses were a fair swap and your dh agreed. Probably best you do them a favour and end the friendship if you feel this way.

Your dh also decided to deliver the items, delaying your project. Again not their fault or decision.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 20/05/2021 07:50

You and DH are nice amenable people and the neighbours took advantage — not so much with the money but by expecting DH to deliver items, thus delaying your own project. All you can do is learn: be helpful to other helpful people. But be firm with others.

Usernamesarenotmyforte · 20/05/2021 07:53

I mean… if you’re going to dwell on it a lot if you do nothing will that be worse in the long run? It sounds like friendly interactions with them might be out the window. If you haven’t already said thanks for the glassware by text or anything could you or your husband take them back, make a show of him not realising you’d gone out and bought the glassware after admiring theirs (then they also know that you know it wasn’t an equal exchange on value) and say it’s probably best to stick to the original agreement on payment. Kill them with kindness, apologise for the inconvenience. Tinkly laughs all the way…

But I may be a terrible person.

Dora33 · 20/05/2021 07:56

Just go back to neighbours & return the glasses & say your husband was put on the spot / felt uncomfortable about asking for money and you dont need the glasses.
That you still need the money for the items they bought of you and ask for it.
Maybe there will be a bit of embarrassment but if they are really your friends; then the mix up with be over quickly. If not then not then better to find out now.

Flip

1 2 3 4