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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think giving him a day off school isn't wrong?

47 replies

QuestionableMouse · 19/05/2021 12:02

My oldest nephew is almost five. He's exhausted at the moment- he rarely gets a weekend at home because his Dad insists that he goes to see Granny Dad every weekend, sleeping over. He also has to get up really early for breakfast club.

Yesterday he cried and said he was shattered when my sister woke him up to get ready. He's a tough kiddo and rarely cries so it was really out of character for him. She had a day off work so kept him off school. He woke up after 11 and went for a nap on the afternoon too.

It caused a huge argument between my sister and her partner (DN's dad) because he felt DN should have been taken to school. It blew up into a massive thing and my sister and both DN'S ended up staying at my house last night.

Was she unreasonable to give him the day off? He went back full of beans this morning so it seems like he needed the downtime.

OP posts:

TeenMinusTests · 19/05/2021 12:04

If he slept until 11 and then had a sleep in the pm too she was definitely not unreasonable. He's 4 not 14.

ButtercupSquash · 19/05/2021 12:05

No. Not unreasonable but not a long term solution. Leaving and taking the children could be though.

Coconut2010 · 19/05/2021 12:06

Of course she did the right thing. And he's only 5!

Shoxfordian · 19/05/2021 12:08

Not unreasonable but why does he need to go every weekend to granny’s and if he is there then he should still be getting his sleep

Blossomandbee · 19/05/2021 12:09

She's not unreasonable. He's only little and its not like he was racing round fine all day.
But I think they need a better plan moving forward. It's clearly too much for him, all kids need down time and rest.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 19/05/2021 12:09

Defense the right thing but if he slept until 11 and had a nap , would it be possible he’s coming down with something?

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 19/05/2021 12:09

Definitely not defense 🙈

Mypathtriedtokillme · 19/05/2021 12:10

Everyone needs down time occasionally to recharge.
If my Dd is sobbing tired in the morning then I would let her stay home. I find it’s when they are getting nearer the end of term and are by then just knacked.

ThursdayWeld · 19/05/2021 12:11

YANBU but there's clearly a much bigger issue here, if both your DNs had to sleep at your house last night because of what was going on at home between their parents!

Lindy2 · 19/05/2021 12:11

It sounds like he is exhausted. He doesn't even legally need to be in school until the term after his 5th birthday so missing a day isn't really a big deal.

Why does he have to do visiting and sleepovers every weekend? If his dad wants him to be ok to go to school then perhaps a bit more rest time at the weekends would be more appropriate.

Weenurse · 19/05/2021 12:13

Dad sounds like he doesn’t like kids!

Original poster

QuestionableMouse · 19/05/2021 12:15

@Shoxfordian

Not unreasonable but why does he need to go every weekend to granny’s and if he is there then he should still be getting his sleep

Because she lives in a different town and doesn't drive so doesn't get to see him. (Her words, not mine - she absolutely could see them both though the week but refuses and wants it all on her terms! That side of the family are insistent that he goes and won't consider anything else)

OP posts:

SavingsQuestions · 19/05/2021 12:16

I dont think the issue here is the day off school really is it.

Why is the child going to grannys every weekend? Does dad not like the child at home?

Your poor sister sounds like the relationship isn't working...

Original poster

QuestionableMouse · 19/05/2021 12:16

@GiveMeAllTheGin8

Defense the right thing but if he slept until 11 and had a nap , would it be possible he’s coming down with something?

I thought that too- his little brother has just had a stinker of a cold that went right through the family (including his auntie!) so I'm wondering if it could be that.

OP posts:

StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear · 19/05/2021 12:18

Poor thing sounds like he needed that time to recuperate. Good luck to your sister dealing with her partner if one day off school for an exhausted 5 year old resulted in an argument so bad she stayed somewhere else with the kids last night. Not because of what she’s done but her partner sounds controlling and with no understanding of children at all. Or empathy.

Original poster

QuestionableMouse · 19/05/2021 12:19

@SavingsQuestions

I dont think the issue here is the day off school really is it.

Why is the child going to grannys every weekend? Does dad not like the child at home?

Your poor sister sounds like the relationship isn't working...

I actually agree but I'm trying to keep out of it as much as I can - her partner is very inflexible (and honestly? I think he needs to grow up and stop letting his mother dictate to him but that's just my opinion)

He has no confidence so if she says anything to him he gets defensive and it blows up into an argument.

OP posts:

SavingsQuestions · 19/05/2021 12:22

Is he at home at all at the weekend? Does your sister get to take him to the park/etc?

Sounds like your sister needs to stand up for herself/her child too.

Is she happy? Is she safe?

SavingsQuestions · 19/05/2021 12:22

Couldn't they all visit granny for a few hours? If hes away all weekend he isnt getting any family time or senss of being home is he.

Original poster

QuestionableMouse · 19/05/2021 12:26

He gets picked up around 6pm on the Sat night, so he has Sun at home most of the time.

She's safe- he's not abusive physically but no I don't think she's happy and hasn't been for a while. Imo she'd be better off without him but I obviously don't see everything so might be missing something.

OP posts:

3scape · 19/05/2021 12:33

It sounds as though it's time for some soul searching and serious conversations between your sister and her partner. It probably was OK to take one day a week as a sleepover etc when he was smaller and he didn't have the mental load of school every day. But it does wear out a lot of children, especially near half term and holidays. I've seen children, with little home issues, fall asleep in class At that age.

ponderingthisthing · 19/05/2021 12:39

Poor child didn't feel well by the sounds of it, and needed the rest. But if he gets home by Saturday evening then he's not spending all weekend at the granny's? Surely he'd have caught up on the rest on Sunday so should go to school refreshed in the new week? I wouldn't expect him to feel exhausted Tuesday morning because of the weekend visit. Or maybe I'm missing something here?

tenlittlecygnets · 19/05/2021 12:59

her partner is very inflexible (and honestly? I think he needs to grow up and stop letting his mother dictate to him but that's just my opinion). He has no confidence so if she says anything to him he gets defensive and it blows up into an argument.

It doesn't sound as if a lack of confidence is your sister's partner's problem! He sounds like a bully.

This shouldn't have blown up into a massive issue. They should be able to discuss things calmly. I'd have given the ds the day off too.

tenlittlecygnets · 19/05/2021 13:01

She refuses and wants it all on her terms! That side of the family are insistent that he goes and won't consider anything else)

What on earth does it have to do with 'his side of the family'? Who are these families that get so involved in each others' lives to the extent of telling each other when to visit? Sounds like he needs to stand up to his bullying mother (maybe that's where he learned the same behaviour) and say that seeing her every week isn't working for them any more.

freakyfridays · 19/05/2021 13:05

he goes to see Granny Dad every weekend, sleeping over. He also has to get up really early for breakfast club.

what on earth is the poor kid doing at Granny's to be so exhausted?

If he needed to recover, he needed to recover, but I would want to know WHY he's so tired in the first place.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 19/05/2021 13:13

Even visiting Granny each Saturday he shouldn't be SO excited. Is he going to bed early enough & sleeping well? Reception children often need to go to bed as early as 6.30pm on week & sunday nights, late bedtimes simply are no longer reasonable when children have to get up for school.

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