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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For putting this money into DCs savings account

94 replies

Yaaaat · 18/05/2021 14:31

Will keep it brief!

Given some money from grandparents. Early inheritance type situation.

We have spent the majority on doing up the house.

I now want to put the rest into our DCs savings account (about 1k).

Husband thinks unfair and we should do something that all family can enjoy not just one DC (2DSC) or at least split it equally.

I don't want to spend the money for the sake of it and would rather my grandparents money go to helping our DC with something when they are older like uni fees, house deposit, car or whatever.

OP posts:
RowanAlong · 18/05/2021 16:36

Sorry, not daughter, your child. Misread!

Blankspace101 · 18/05/2021 16:36

YANBU at all. Saving is more important than spending. You can always spend it at a later date if you really want to.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/05/2021 16:37

@Walkerbean16

mumsnet is a funny place, the answers would be very different if it was the man's money.
How?

Man has DC and maries a woman with DC. Between them they have another DC.

His parents die and leave him a bit of money. He spends most o the house, that DSC and shared DC benefit from, and he chooses to put some money in DCs savings - his DC, not DCS.

What's to shout about?

I can't imagine a scenario when there could be any other answer.

mainsfed · 18/05/2021 16:43

@Walkerbean16

mumsnet is a funny place, the answers would be very different if it was the man's money.
No, they really wouldn't!
GrumpyHoonMain · 18/05/2021 16:44

His Kids his problem. He shouldn’t expect you to use inheritances from your family to benefit his kids.

mainsfed · 18/05/2021 16:44

@RowanAlong

Hmm, 1k. If it was 10k I’d say put it away, but bizarrely if it’s 1 grand, I sort of think better to use it for a great holiday/treat for all the family, and put the change in your daughter’s savings account instead.
Saving has to start somewhere, better with £1k than from 'change'.
Original poster
Yaaaat · 18/05/2021 16:47

If your DH saves nothing for any of his children, and you save (out of your income) for your only child, then that’s fair

Yes this is what happens. Joint money pays bills, I use some of my disposable to save for DC.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/05/2021 16:50

@RowanAlong

Hmm, 1k. If it was 10k I’d say put it away, but bizarrely if it’s 1 grand, I sort of think better to use it for a great holiday/treat for all the family, and put the change in your daughter’s savings account instead.
I'd say save it as my own saving started at pennies in a jingle jar, moved on to £10 / month in a PEP, increased to £100 once that was affordable, increased more as we both finished university and got better paying jobs.

The trick is to get the saving habit in the first place. No amount is too small.

Original poster
Yaaaat · 18/05/2021 16:51

He asked me once to open bank accounts for DSC but in the end I couldn't do it as easily because they were under a certain age at the time I had to do all sorts with passports and birth certificates and I felt it better that their parents sorted it between them. He's not bothered to do so since then. I opened our DCs and have been saving in it since.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yaaaat · 18/05/2021 16:53

The point of putting it into our DCs account isn't because it's a huge amount, I just think it's nice that it's money from my grandparents and I can tell DC one day 'oh grandma and grandad X helped pay for these driving lessons' or whatever when they aren't around anymore.

OP posts:
mainsfed · 18/05/2021 16:53

@Yaaaat

He asked me once to open bank accounts for DSC but in the end I couldn't do it as easily because they were under a certain age at the time I had to do all sorts with passports and birth certificates and I felt it better that their parents sorted it between them. He's not bothered to do so since then. I opened our DCs and have been saving in it since.
He can't even be bothered to it himself yet is trying to prevent you from saving for your own DC.
rjacksmiss · 18/05/2021 16:56

What about telling him if he gets off his arse an opens the DSC a savings account you will start it off with £50 each. Just to be kind and inclusive? You totally don't have to obviously and are in no way obligated but it might ease the situation slightly... x

ALevelhelp · 18/05/2021 17:00

@Yaaaat

If your DH saves nothing for any of his children, and you save (out of your income) for your only child, then that’s fair

Yes this is what happens. Joint money pays bills, I use some of my disposable to save for DC.

Do you both have a similar income? Im clutching at straws as to why he feels the way he does - but I wondered if he earns more and shares it, so feels you should share yours too (I don't agree with that btw)

He needs to sort the children out with savings accounts, but does he feel miffed that you are saving your joint income for one child when he has more than one? Again, clutching at straws...

HollowTalk · 18/05/2021 17:33

But he and his children have had their share because you've spent money on the house. This is a relatively small amount and I'm sure your grandparents would love you to put it by for your child rather than just spend it on a holiday for everyone.

CassandraTrotter · 18/05/2021 17:54

@Yaaaat

He asked me once to open bank accounts for DSC but in the end I couldn't do it as easily because they were under a certain age at the time I had to do all sorts with passports and birth certificates and I felt it better that their parents sorted it between them. He's not bothered to do so since then. I opened our DCs and have been saving in it since.
He asked YOU to open his children bank accounts?! Wtf.

OP, does he actually share the parenting load? Not just keeping them alive on his days...

SunnyMustard · 18/05/2021 18:09

The question is - do you not regard your DSC as your child too? If not, that's honestly a bit sad. Marry someone and not see the kid as a part of the deal. Mind you this is coming from someone who after 3 yrs of marriage still says "don't use MY computer" to DH.

mainsfed · 18/05/2021 18:10

@SunnyMustard it's not her DC though

Aprilwasverywet · 18/05/2021 18:12

Make sure you are the one in charge of your dc's account.. Or he may open his dc accounts and share it out anyway...

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/05/2021 18:12

@SunnyMustard

The question is - do you not regard your DSC as your child too? If not, that's honestly a bit sad. Marry someone and not see the kid as a part of the deal. Mind you this is coming from someone who after 3 yrs of marriage still says "don't use MY computer" to DH.
Do you have a spare couple of hundred pounds to spare? We must be non related in some way... I think it is only fair!
Getafuckinggripman · 18/05/2021 18:13

Your husband is a cheeky twat! Fuck that blended shit I couldn't be bothered with that unless situations like this were agreed ironclad beforehand

8monthsinandcranky · 18/05/2021 18:18

The question is - do you not regard your DSC as your child too? If not, that's honestly a bit sad

This is totally unfair and goady Angry

The OP may view her DSC equally to her own children but that doesn’t mean her grandparents do or that the DSC should share in inheritance from family members who are not the OP/hubby.

Will OP’s DC get an equal share of any and all inheritance DSC receive from their mums extended family in the future? No, I’d bet my life they will not! In situations like this DSC often end up doing much better than resident children!

DSC quite often end up getting twice the amount as resident kids, twice the pocket money, gifts, holidays, days out...etc because both homes are ‘giving them equal to resident kids’ and that’s not really fair either.

Original poster
Yaaaat · 18/05/2021 18:19

@SunnyMustard

The question is - do you not regard your DSC as your child too? If not, that's honestly a bit sad. Marry someone and not see the kid as a part of the deal. Mind you this is coming from someone who after 3 yrs of marriage still says "don't use MY computer" to DH.
No I don't. Not in a horrible way but they aren't my DC no.

DH does earn more yes but I do pay toward bills and the house and work too.

He asked me to open their accounts because I was opening DCs at the time. But I needed a lot of stuff that I didn't have and in the end said he or their Mum would need to do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yaaaat · 18/05/2021 18:20

but does he feel miffed that you are saving your joint income for one child when he has more than one?

I'm saving out of the money I have left every month after bills etc... Not joint money.

I actually think he would happily save for his DC but he just hasn't bothered to open them an account.

OP posts:
DomPom47 · 18/05/2021 18:22

I think your grandparents would really like that you have put some of the money aside for your child.

UnsolicitedDickPic · 18/05/2021 18:25

@SunnyMustard

The question is - do you not regard your DSC as your child too? If not, that's honestly a bit sad. Marry someone and not see the kid as a part of the deal. Mind you this is coming from someone who after 3 yrs of marriage still says "don't use MY computer" to DH.
Nonsense. I spend a fortune on my DSD over birthdays, Christmas and generally stuff throughout the year. But I don't contribute to a savings account for her - that's on my DP and his ex.